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“I can see that,” Tony replies softly. “You can see and feel his love for you all around this place.”
He’s right. It’s everywhere I look, little signs of what we meant to each other. I turn and take comfort in his arms, burying my face in his chest and inhaling his warm, musky scent. I’m starting to feel things for this man that scare me. Things I have no right to feel when Grandpa’s body is barely cold.
Grief is selfish. It drives us to want to keep our loved ones with us. But at what cost? There are consequences either way, and I would have done anything to ease Grandpa’s suffering at the end, even if that meant less time with him.
And then it hits me. My grief didn’t suddenly land on me when Grandpa took his last breath. I was grieving for him when he was still alive. From the moment he got his diagnosis, we all knew the outcome of his disease. What I’m experiencing isn’tdaysof grief; it’s almosttwo yearsof hoping and praying for a miracle that we knew would never come because life and death don’t work like that. There’s a balance to be maintained, and we’re all at its mercy.
I’m not sure how long I stand there in the shelter of Tony’s arms. He doesn’t rush me or give me empty platitudes. He simply holds me together while I slowly accept that Grandpa is gone and won’t be needing this stuff anymore.
* * *
If Tony needsto get back to work, he doesn’t mention it. We spend the day carefully placing Grandpa’s things into boxes and labeling each so Mom can make the final decision on what to keep.
Clearing out his belongings is cathartic and helps me to process that he’s gone.There’s still lots to do, but it feels like I’ve started to make my peace with his passing somehow, and that’s due in no small part to Tony.
The thought of going our separate ways, of not being with him again, tears me apart, but at least it gives me a different pain to focus on.
I wasn’t supposed to fall for Tony. Spending the night with him was meant to help me forget my pain and get lost in something other than grief. Now I have to let him go, and I’m not sure how when he’s already become a part of me.
I take the photographs and wooden lamb, placing them into my purse carefully, and then I look at Tony, who has been my rock throughout this whole time.“Thank you so much for your help today, Tony. I’m sorry I’ve been such a wreck.”
He pulls me to him and kisses me deeply this time.“You don’t need to thank me.”
I want to melt into his dark eyes.“It means a lot … considering…” I trail off.
What am I supposed to say? Considering we were a one-night thing and I didn’t expect to see him again.
Tony’s eyes narrow on me. “Considering what?”
Chapter Eight
Tony
Shelby straightensand takes a deep breath.“Considering … you know.” She shrugs and bites her lip, dropping her gaze to the floor, something she does when she’s nervous.
A weight lodges in the pit of my stomach. “No, I don’t know, Shelby. You asked me for help. Why wouldn’t I help you?”
“Because I’m a client,” she whispers.
Then it hits me. She doesn’t think I’m serious about her. About us. Even worse, she thinks we had a one-night stand, and I’m the idiot who thought it meant more.
“Shelby, you know it’s more than that for me,” I state calmly, feeling anything but.
I want to shake some sense into her. Can’t she see she has me twisted up in knots and has ever since she got mad at me fordaringto pay for her coffee?
She strides to the door, opening it to the quiet street outside. It’s as if the world knows she’s lost the most important person in her life and is giving her the space she needs.
Should I be giving her space too?
If I do, I know I’ll never see her again. I can’t let that happen after what we’ve shared.
She turns and opens her mouth to say something but seems to think better of it. Pressing her lips into a firm line, she offers a tight smile before gesturing that I should go out ahead of her.
* * *
“Larissa,has the information for Mr. Jacobs's funeral come through yet?” I demand.
Larissa jumps in her seat, and I feel bad for being so sharp. It’s not her fault I’m in a terrible mood and have been since I helped Shelby clear out her grandpa’s house.
