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We stare at each other for a long time. He doesn’t say anything, but his beautiful gray eyes are filled with a mixture of emotions.
“It’s a good thing,” I say brightly.
“Yeah.”
“It’s for the best.”
“Yeah.”
“I should never have asked you,” I say huskily. “I’ve ruined our friendship, and that was the last thing I wanted. I’m absolutely gutted to have lost you, and… I’m so sorry.”
He tips his head to the side. His eyes lose the frosty look they’ve carried since our conversation in The Crescent, and survey me gently. “You haven’t lost me. Time heals most wounds. I’ll always be here for you.”
His unexpected words are my undoing. I press my hand to my mouth and burst into tears.
I’m horrified, because I rarely cry, and I’m sure it’s the last thing he wants. I don’t want him to think I’m trying to manipulate him. I half expect him to just watch me, to snap at me, or even to ask me to leave.
But he just says, “Aw,” and he walks around the table and pulls me into his arms for a hug.
“I’m sorry,” I squeak.
“It’s okay.”
“I really thought it had worked.”
He sighs. “Yeah. Me too.”
I bury my face in his shirt. He smells familiar, warm and masculine, and his arms are tight around me. I’ve missed him so much.
“I know it’s for the best,” I whisper. “But I feel so incredibly sad.”
He blows out a long breath. “Me too.”
We stand there like that for a long time. To anyone else, it might look romantic, or at the least like two good friends comforting each other. But I’m sure he feels the same as me—that it’s an ending, like the last glimmer of a firework, the final chance we had to make it work before it faded away to nothing.
Chapter Seventeen
Huxley
The next two weeks pass swiftly. I’m busy at work, and I throw myself into the rest of the refurbishments, getting under Victoria’s feet until she yells at me to go home for Christ’s sake and give her some space. At the weekends, I have Joanna, and that passes a few pleasant hours. I take her to the zoo and the aquarium, and we also have a movie night, and watch TV while we’re in our pajamas, eating popcorn.
When I do get some spare time, I do what I can to help Mack and Sidnie plan for their wedding. They want to keep it relatively simple, and Cameron Brown, who owns the yacht they’re hiring, is happy to organize the food and entertainment. But there are other bits and pieces that need arranging, and I call on some of my contacts to help Mack get what he wants, as it’s at relatively short notice.
The invitations go out, and they state they want the wedding to be smart casual, so I’m not going to have to worry about wearing a tux. Instead, Mack and I choose a cream linen suit for the big day, with a light-blue shirt for a touch of color, and decide to omit a tie.
Sidnie will be wearing a white dress, but she’s decided not to have bridesmaids, as they both want to keep the affair very relaxed and more like a summer party. Her father has just finished his last round of treatment and appears to be doing well, so all she wants is for him to be able to give her away.
I’m looking forward to seeing my best mate marry the girl of his dreams. Mack’s been a different man since he met Sidnie, and he’s worked so hard over the last few years and deserves some personal happiness.
Of course, Elizabeth will be on the yacht, which means we’ll be in relatively close contact for a couple of days. That’s going to be hard. Even though I insisted she hadn’t ruined our friendship, there’s no doubt that things between us have changed. I don’t blame her. I blame myself. I’m the one who blackmailed her into giving me one night after I jumped off the Sky Tower. She made it quite clear she didn’t want a relationship, and it’s my fault that I ignored that.
I know I’ve been cool toward her, and that it’s upset her, but I can’t help it. I’m shocked and embarrassed that I wildly overestimated my powers of seduction. I honestly believed that once we slept together, she wouldn’t be able to walk away. Somehow, I thought it was just a matter of time before we got together. And I’m stunned that even though we had fantastic sex, she’s chosen to go to England over being with me.
I was also secretly taken aback that I didn’t get her pregnant. I know the experts say there’s only a thirty percent chance of it happening during sex, but I’m a relatively young, fertile, red-blooded male. I’ve only got to look at a girl and I’ll knock her up, right? That’s what your parents and the school warn you when you’re young, anyway. I also felt that my enthusiasm in the bedroom would be a factor in encouraging my little swimmers to reach their destination.
I know it’s not a tragic failure. For God’s sake, some people, like Elizabeth’s sister Penelope, try for years without falling, and have to resort to scientific help. But I was so sure it would happen. I’ve always felt that if I worked hard enough, and if I switched on the charm, I’d get what I want, but this is the first time I’ve had to accept that I have no control.
I hate that I let her down. But there’s nothing I can do about it if she’s decided it’s over between us.
