AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“No!” Ben exclaimed, frustration taking the lead position in his emotions. “I don’t want to leave. Not just this fancy house and all the amazing food and Roberta and Hudson, who’ve been so nice to me. I… I’ve had this completely unrealistic crush on you for ages. I’ve spun fantasies about you rescuing me. But this is different. It’s real. And real life doesn’t hand you everything you want on a platter. There are always conditions.” He let out another bitter laugh. “You used to run this huge corporation that people know all over the world. You have to know that nothing is easy and nothing is free. Ever.”
Simon was silent for a long time, looking like Ben had slapped him. Finally, he said, “I don’t know. You and I can’t know that would happen. I…” Simon’s face sharpened in an undefinable way. He wasn’t angry, but he did look determined. Ben guessed it might be his CEO expression. “Okay. If offering you the world for nothing is out of the question, how about we make a deal? I’ll take away the risk. I’ll give you the key to your freedom and hope you don’t use it. But it’ll be in your hands, not mine. I can give you security if you give me a year.”
Ben’s thoughts swirled in confusion. “A year? What do you mean?”
Simon sat up with a determined expression on his face. The man who’d freaked out after kissing Ben’s head was gone. Ben shivered a little, but it wasn’t in an entirely bad way. Unsure Simon was sweet. Confident Simon was overwhelming. Everything Ben was afraid of, but attractive as hell nevertheless.
“Yes, Benny, a year. How much money do you make in a year?”
“Why?” Ben asked. He wasn’t sure he liked where this was going.
“Just give me a number. Approximate is fine.”
Simon looked so excited Ben decided to humor him. “Um, let me think. Between the janitor job and cleaning houses, I make about twelve hundred a month after taxes. But if I get a lot of good house cleaning jobs, that can go up to fifteen hundred.”
“You bring home less than fifteen thousand dollars in a year?” Simon asked. A little of his confidence morphed into shocked disbelief. “That can’t be right. It’s not enough. No one can live on that.”
Ben sat up as well, hugging his knees. “You’d be surprised,” he said.
“Jesus Christ,” Simon muttered. He was visibly horrified, but shook it off. “Okay. Okay. Let’s say I put aside fifty thousand dollars into an account only you can access. Fifteen isn’t nearly enough. If you don’t or can’t stay with me for a year, that money is yours. You wouldn’t leave with nothing. You would have everything you’d need to be on your own.”
“You’re going to pay me fifty thousand dollars to stay with you a year?” Ben asked. It made him feel queasy, but at the same time he was tempted. More than tempted. There were worse jobs than sex work and Simon wouldn’t be hard to fuck. But still, the thought of being a whore put a bitter taste in his mouth, like ashes. He could almost hear Momma telling him that those were the wages of sin.
“No!” Simon looked shocked. “No, Ben, you don’t understand. I want you to stay, Ben. Not for a year. Forever. That fifty thousand dollars is if you need toleave.At any point. Even if it’s tomorrow.”
“Like… a pre-nup?” Ben asked.
“Exactly! I can have a lawyer draw up the whole thing. Tomorrow, if you like. I want you to stay with me, Benny. I don’t want you to ever leave. But until you believe me, the money is always there.”
Ben looked at the very strange offer from every angle he could think of, trying and failing not to take it personally. “That’s a lot of money for a blow job,” he said.
Simon sighed in frustration, which made Ben feel better. At least he wasn’t the only frustrated one. “Benny. I am in no way paying you for sex. I never want you to feel you are obligated to do anything, especially not have sex with me. That money is for you to build a new life, independent of me, if you need to. That’s all, I promise. That money is your safety net. I promise to never drop you. No matter what. I know in my heart that you’re the person I didn’t even know I was waiting for. I willneverlet you fall. But the money is there until you believe me.” Simon’s mouth twisted. “Or get tired of me. Although I will point out that financially speaking, staying with me is the better option. How does that sound?”
Ben stared at Simon. He couldn’t understand how a man who seemed to be as smart and successful as Simon could be so oblivious. “It sounds like you’re trying to buy me.”
“No,” Simon insisted. He moved so he knelt with Ben’s legs between Simon’s knees then reached forward to cup Ben’s face gently. “I just want you to stay with me. I want to keep feeling what I do whenever I’m near you. I don’t want to go back to sleepwalking through life. Please don’t go. Please say yes.”
Ben’s heart ached. Staying didn’t seem feasible, but leaving this sweet, kind, but also impossible man felt awful. He resented Simon trying to buy him, but at the same time he understood Simon’s motives. He’d felt a bit like this when he’d left home to come to Chicago and go to school. Away from his mother and the small town he’d come from, Ben had finally felt free to be the person he’d always known he was. Along the way, he did a number of boneheaded, reckless things. Things that could have gotten him hurt, and sometimes had. But even so, he’d felt more alive than he ever had. Simon had gotten a taste of that and now he was trying to ensure he’d never lose it.
It was depressing when you thought about it like that. Depressing and unfair.
And at the bottom of everything was a deep aching need to stay and be everything Simon wanted and needed. It was fucked up and awful and Ben felt like it was tearing him apart. He couldn’t say yes and he didn’t want to say no. He wasn’t at all sure what to do. “Can I take some time to think about it?” he asked.
Simon laughed softly, brushing his thumb over Ben’s cheek. “Benny, you can think about it as long as you like. The longer you think, the longer you'll stay with me, and that’s the only thing I want. You. Please give me a chance, sweetheart. If you let me, I will dedicate the rest of my life to finding every single way of making you happy.” He leaned down and brushed Ben’s lips with his own. The kiss was light and sweet as sugar, and just a brittle and sharp. It cut Ben’s heart into ribbons. “Good night, sweetheart.”
Ben’s heart ached from the endearment. Watching Simon leave his bed, get dressed, then walk out the door hurt in a way he didn’t expect or even understand. After Simon had left, Ben stayed in bed and tried to sleep but couldn’t. Everything felt off-center and twisted and wrong. The longer he lay there, alone in a room that didn’t belong to him, the more the darkness pressed down on him, making it hard to breathe. He didn’t know what the answer to Simon’s offer should be. His head and his heart didn’t fully agree and fought a war that felt like it was ripping him apart. Ben longed for solace, for comfort. He longed down in his blood and bones for a man he didn’t even know.
Except he did know some things. Simon was the type of person to rush to a stranger’s aid. He was a man who was absurdly generous and sought to do the right thing. He was both brave and foolish enough to offer his heart—his entire life—to a person he’d just met. And when Simon kissed, he wasn’t well-practiced or suave or even particularly good at it, but all the same he had kissed Ben with his entire heart and soul, holding nothing back.
What Simon needed, Ben felt, was to know that love wasn’t something you could negotiate for, or try to purchase, no matter how much money you threw at it. Ben still couldn’t imagine how he and Simon could ever merge their lives successfully, but he thought he might be happy if he could make Simon understand he was worthy of love regardless of the size of his bank account.
And just because Ben was offered a net didn’t mean he had to ever use it.
Filled with resolve, if not certainty, Ben put on the thick, warm robe Simon had given him that morning and left his room.
22
Simon Bares His Heart
