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For now, there was only the grinding of fangs. The throb of my cock. The howling of the unrequited mate bond inside me, twisting my insides until I hardly recognized them. Hardly recognizedmyself.
I was losing control. Of this situation. Of myself. Ofeverything.
I wanted to say this was the first time, but it was not.
I could not control fate when my parents died.
I could not control my brother Lerokan when he ignored both the Vrika’s call and my orders.
And now I could not control the heart of my maddening foreign mate.
What sort of Gahn have I become?
That question plagued me as dusk turned the Deep Sky mountains into blood-stained teeth.
Well, at least I could control one thing. When I found Zuh-Tephanie tonight at her new settlement, I would at least be clean and presentable.
In neutral territory, near the Vrika’s mountain where the new women were to set up their settlement, I directed Togo to land in a shadowy valley. In that valley, a clear mountain stream led into a shallow pool, the water winking under the stars and moons.
Togo drank from the water as I undressed. I tossed my bow and arrows down on the pool’s bank then removed my cock cloth. My blades, I kept strapped to my body. I’d avoided any more run-ins with the many-limbed beast of the Death Plains mountains. But these mountains had monsters of their own. I would not be unprepared.
The cold water lapped at my skin as I strode through it. It was not deep – it barely reached mid-thigh. I crouched down to get more of the water on my hide, then dove forward, arrowing through the cold liquid. Coming up for air, I scraped some stone moss off a nearby rock, sudsing the stuff up between my claws. I washed my body while sitting in the pool, passing over my half-stiff cock quickly so as not to harden it further.
I’d been in a dulled state of arousal ever since my mate vision. It had sharpened, brutally so, after seeing Zuh-Tephanie in person for the first time.
Even just the thought of her had me hardening further. Despite the cold temperature, the water turned delicious as it swirled over my rising organ.
“Cursed skies,” I choked out, chest heaving. I glanced around. Togo had trotted off to hunt some mountain creature for his evening meal.
There was no one here but me. Me, and the dashed dreams of a mate who did not want me.
But what if she did want me?
My heart stuttered as I let the fantasy unfurl. The fantasy of a Zuh-Tephanie warm and wanting and waiting for me with a desperation which matched my own.
My tail jerked, and my eyes half-closed. Through the hazy curtain of my vision, I conjured her before me, small and naked and glistening.
Gahn Errok,my unreal mate whispered, her eyes wide and gleaming, her mouth soft and open,I have waited for you.
She slid forward on her knees in the water, the shining liquid obscuring her body from her breasts downward. She came to a stop between my spread thighs.
You’re the perfect Gahn, she murmured.The perfect mate. And now, I want your perfect cock.
They were the exact sort of words I thought I wanted to hear from her mouth.
But I knew they were not the words she’d say. This was nothing like my actual mate.
And therefore, the fantasy lost its lustre.
Curse me, she has even ruined self-pleasure. I can’t even stroke myself to her false image.
No, those were not my mate’s words. I did not want some fake version of her.
What would she say, if she were here?
The Zuh-Tephanie of my fantasy shifted, her brows drawing downward, her face pulling into a sneer.Ah, yes. There she is.
You are unworthy, she hissed.
