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From there we went to Pink’s for hot dogs, something I’d done before, and I was sure Declan had too. How could you grow up in Los Angeles and never have a Pink’s hot dog?
We took a long drive along Hwy 1 after that, with the windows down and the ocean air around us. It was evening when we started making our way back to my house. I didn’t want the day to end. I always had so much fun with Declan. Everything felt easy with him.
“Do you want to come in?” I asked him. “We can go out back, or take a swim. I’m sure I have burgers or something we can throw on the grill.”
Declan paused, pushed his hand through his hair. “I should probably go.”
“Come in with me, Dec.” I didn’t try to hide how much I wanted this night to go on. I didn’t mean fucking him either, though I would be down for that if it was what he wanted. I just…didn’t want him to go. I liked spending time with him too much.
“Okay,” he replied, then added, “I swear I spoil you like I do Park. He’d never let me live it down.”
I enjoyed the fact that he was comparing me to his friends. I knew how much they meant to him.
“I guess Parker and I are just lucky.” I unlocked the door. “You guys were cracking me up when you were all going back and forth about which one you would sleep with.” And I was a little jealous that he’d seemed upset that Parker hadn’t chosen him. He’d said there was nothing more between him and Parker, but it was obvious their bond was unique.
“I can’t believe Marcus didn’t edit that out. It was ridiculous. And what a dumbass question to ask.”
“You and Parker…you seemed to have strong feelings about him not picking you.” Shut up, shut up, shut up! Why couldn’t I shut up?
“No, like I said, none of us are that way with each other. It’s hard to explain. It was mostly just shock. I don’t have feelings for him, Sebastian.”
I searched the wine rack for the bottle I wanted while keeping my back to him. “It would be understandable if you did, and like he said, the two of you are close, and those lines can get blurred…”
“They’re my family. They…” He groaned, and I wished I’d shut my dumb mouth because this was clearly something he didn’t want to talk about.
“I’m sorry. I was being nosy. Do you want some wine? Or a beer. You like beer better, right?” I was more of a wine guy.
I busied myself opening my bottle, pouring a glass, then getting a drink for Declan out of the fridge. I was shaky for some reason, my insides feeling twisted up and confused. All things I was totally not supposed to be feeling for my friend Declan.
“Sebastian…”
“Hmm?” I answered, still not looking at him.
“Bastian.” He was closer to me now. I could tell by the sound of his voice, and then I felt him behind me. I was surprised when Declan didn’t stop moving until his front was pressed right up against my back. “I got taken away from my parents once when I was fifteen.”
“Shit. I’m sorry.” I tried to turn my head to look at him, but Declan reached around me, holding my throat gently yet with enough pressure that I couldn’t twist around to look at him. I settled back, leaning against him. He held me up, hand still on me, fingers caressing my Adam’s apple. My breath hitched. This probably shouldn’t be hot, but it was.
“It wasn’t the only time. They would manage to get their shit together and get me back, but it didn’t last. I don’t know why they even tried. Clearly, they didn’t want me, but that’s not the point.” His other arm wrapped around me too, this one around my waist, his large hand splayed open on my stomach.
“It was my birthday. I’d been with three foster families in three months. None of them wanted to keep me. I was lucky I got to stay in the same area and go to the same school, but again, not the point. My parents had promised they’d come and see me. I’d told the guys not to come, that I was going to spend the day with my parents. I waited on the porch for three hours, but they never showed. Do you know who did?”
“Parker, Marcus, and Corbin,” I replied, my heart breaking for young Declan. Jesus, he had been through so much. Did he know how strong he was?
“Exactly. They gave my parents time, knowing I would wait it out, telling myself they’d come, but Parker, Marcus, and Corbin knew they wouldn’t. Parker had planned for the guys to come to me, and they had. They brought gifts and a cake. They never mentioned my folks not showing up because they knew it made me feel like shit, but they were there because they’re my people. Blood isn’t what makes family; it’s being there for them, it’s sticking around. It’s loving someone even when they don’t feel like they deserve to be loved.”
