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We were making a mistake, of course, but it’s what we did. I’d know in the morning if he meant what he’d said or if he’d push me as far away as he could. Maybe further than ever.
ChapterNineteen
Enzo
Gia was still asleep. I lay awake with my thoughts running all over the damn place. Atheist slept between us, snoring away. I was the only one who was restless. I kept replaying what I said to her, that I would give up everything to be with her. Could I? Would I be able to?
My position was something I had worked my whole life for. I’d done things for Silvio I’d never forget. Would I let it all go for someone like her? I wouldn’t if we stayed this toxic together. The push and pull? We’d always have that, especially when I continued to edge her like I loved to do. But love had to lie beneath that moment of hatred. I had to be sure of that.
Maybe we’d both get our shit together, and I wouldn’t have to give up a damn thing. Have my cake and eat the fuck out of it, too.
Gia rustled beside me, but she stayed asleep. My thoughts returned to last night and how I’d let my anger get the best of me, yet again. I made her take me in a way I’d never asked her to. We hadn’t even discussed it, and I knew I’d hurt her. We took a shower together after, but she was so withdrawn and quiet, which was very unlike her. I just wanted to punish her for making herself come. The worst part? I hadn’t doled out the actual punishment for that. I knew exactly what I was going to do to her.
So what was last night if not her punishment? It was selfishness. I wanted to feel her ass around me. I wanted her to hurt, to be scared. She wasn’t scared, though. Surprised? Yeah, more surprised than anything. She was more hung up on telling her I loved her than she was about me burying myself in her ass.
Fucking Gia.
“What time is it?” she asked as she turned onto her back, startling me from my thoughts.
“Ten thirty.”
She yawned. “Why’d we sleep so late?”
“Well, I was balls deep in you until three a.m.” I smirked at her.
“About that,” she said as she turned toward me. I expected her to be all Silvani about it. I was waiting for the lashing she’d give me with her tongue once she found her voice. “I don’t care if you fuck my ass. You know I’d give you anything. But I wish we’d had a conversation about it first.” She swallowed hard. “Do you know what men who have raped me really loved? To fuck me in the ass. They get off on the pain, and they don’t have to worry about knocking you up as they come inside you.”
My heart sank. I hadn’t considered her past as I turned her over and forced my way inside her. She didn’t care when I forced my way into her pussy, and men had taken that from her too, which meant they were worse with her when they fucked her ass. That’s what she hung onto. It was part of her past she locked away from me. I was a dick for not thinking about it.
She blinked away the gloss in her eyes. “Don’t pity me, Enzo. It’s fine. I should have told you to stop.”
I tensed. I wasn’t sure I would have stopped if she asked me to. I would have thought it was like every other time. Her stops were usually soft, not hard. I pulled her into me, brushing a hand through her thick, dark hair. “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.
She shook her head but started speaking anyway. “There were the three men who collected on a debt once. All three took turns fucking my...” Her words broke off. In Gia fashion, she let her weakness slip away and she donned a hardened mask. “All three fucked my ass.”
I didn’t regret causing her pain or fucking her like that, but I regretted not giving her a chance to tell me her story. “I wish you’d tell me the names of the men who’ve hurt you, Gia.”
“No, because you’d go all Viglione on them, and I couldn’t forgive myself if something happened to you while defending honor that’s been long gone.”
She was right. I’d have killed every single one of the men who’d hurt her, then I’d have served their dicks to her on a silver fucking platter. The roots of her pain grounded her, but she didn’t want to punish the monsters who planted it inside her. She was a better person than I was. I took revenge the first chance I got. I ripped my pain from the ground and burned it. In some ways, we were the same person, but I could never be as strong as her.
Guilt hung over me like the blanket wrapped around her shoulders. I’d like to think I would have stopped, but part of me would have wanted to keep going so she could come again with my dick in her ass, make her forget about the pain of her past, because I knew that would help her move on. Replacing her pain with my pleasure calmed the beast inside her.
“I’m sorry, babygirl.” I tugged her to my mouth and kissed her. “Next time I’ll make you come from my cock in your pussy, then I’ll make you come again as I fuck your ass.”
Then she asked what I’d hoped she wouldn’t. “Did you mean what you said last night?”
“Which part?”
“Which one were you lying about? If it was all true, you wouldn’t need to put it in parts.”
“I meant it when I said I loved you. I was possibly lying about giving up my position. I’m hoping I don’t have to make that choice.”
“Haven’t you kind of had to already?”
“Not explicitly. Logistically, I don’t know how thefuckthis is going to work. But I need it to.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
