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Had Kiyana known?
I had so many questions swirling through my mind as Ollie said, “Kids at three o’clock.”
I glanced around—because really, who memorized directions based on a clock face—and found a group of kids dancing in front of their parents sitting in folding chairs. They had their hands in the air, hoping for candy from us, and I grinned, passing them some.
They dove for the candy bars and suckers, and I smiled at their joy. They looked so happy. So carefree. I had probably looked like that at some point.
I wondered when life had changed for me. From that happy abandon to the should and shouldn’ts of life. Probably somewhere at the beginning of elementary school, when everyone around me had “boyfriends” and “girlfriends” and I was more interested in my comic books than a relationship.
My parents had never been homophobic. Never said a bad word about gay people—but when “faggot” was thrown around on the playground as an insult and people called things they didn’t like “gay”... I think something told me deep down that my preferences were something to be ashamed of. Something to be hidden.
And if this parade had done anything, it had shown me that this joy, this love, it didn’t belong in the background of any story. It deserved to be up front and center.
We reached the end of Main Street, and the floats sped up slightly, getting us back to the starting point, where they could be dismantled and driven away.
Ollie helped me off the back, holding my hand as I jumped down, and he gave me a high five. “How did it feel? Being up there for everyone to see?”
“Not as bad as I thought it might,” I admitted, thinking of Kiyana’s smile all the while. “Are you going to the festival?”
He nodded. “I’m actually hosting a booth to sell all my propagations from my ivies and succulents.”
“Nice,” I said. “I guess I’ll see you there?”
“It’s a plan.”
Birdie came to us and hugged Ollie. Then she gave me a one-armed hug. “You did so wonderful, Xi!”
“Thank you,” I said, smiling because her energy was just so contagious. “Great driving, by the way. Very straight.”
She laughed. “I guess it was bad for this parade then.”
I giggled too, and Mom approached, saying, “What’s so funny?”
“You had to be there,” Birdie said with a grin.
Mom gave me a hug and said, “I need to go make sure the booths get set up for the festival, but I wanted to tell you how fabulous you were! And everyone chanting your name?” She wiped at tears pooling in her eyes. “I’msoproud of you.”
I hugged her back. “It wouldn’t have happened without you,” I said. It was the truth. Mom had given me so much today, in so many ways.
She fanned her eyes. “I’m going to cry.”
Saving the day, Birdie took my mom’s hand and said, “How can I help with the festival?”
They began making plans, and I excused myself, saying I was going to grab a snack at the house before going to the festival.
The street had mostly emptied, save the few people mingling and talking amongst themselves. But as I got closer to my house, I saw people I recognized on the sidewalk.
Kiyana, Stefon, and mystery guy...
I was about to cross the street to give them a wide berth, feeling old embarrassment from the volleyball fiasco, but Stefon waved me over.
I nearly had to look behind me because Stefon and I had never talked. I mean, never.
He was a popular football player, a senior, and way too cool to be seen anywhere near me. And cheerleaders were usually oil to my water, as proven at the pool... What did they want to talk to me about?
As I got closer, I reminded myself that they had come to the pride parade. They had cheered for me. And they were nice enough that Ollie thought Kiyana might have had a crush on me. It would be okay. As long as I didn’t trip over an invisible line and embarrass myself.
“Hey, Xi,” Kiyana said.
