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“Did you suspect it before he told you?” I asked, tugging gently on one of those metaphorical strands.
Kiyana only shook her head.
Interesting.
“How did you feel about it when you found out?” I asked, holding my breath as I waited for her answer. “Are you sad that he’s not your boyfriend anymore?”
Kiyana shrugged, keeping her eyes on the road as she drove through town, closer to Emerson Trails, where the festival was being held. “I’m happy for him.” She glanced toward me, and one look in her eyes told me she was sincere. “But I am sad that our relationship won’t be the same.”
“I get that. When Van got a girlfriend, things were different. She was always around, and I feel like she thought Shelly and I were a threat to their relationship.”
“Did she get over it?” Kiyana asked. “The girlfriend?”
“After a while, it was like she’d been one of our best friends all along.” I wondered if it would feel that way with Gunnar and Shelley if they stayed together. The thought of being the only one in my group without a partner felt heavy on my chest. I would be the only one flying solo.
“Are your friends going to be at the festival?” she asked.
I nodded. We’d been planning to meet there. And I couldn’t imagine how stunned they’d be to see Kiyana with me.
I sent them a quick text with a heads-up and then put my phone back in my purse. But the silence was deafening. After all, what did Kiyana and I really have in common? I was a soon-to-be junior harboring a secret crush, and she was a straight high school graduate leaving for college shortly.
She slowed the car, and I looked out the window, realizing we were almost there. Maybe it was better we went our separate ways now. Before people saw us together and made assumptions that couldn’t be further from the truth.
As soon as the car stopped, I said, “Thanks for the ride. I can get out first, and if you wait a few minutes, I don’t think anyone will notice we came together.”
A tiny little crease formed between her eyebrows. “Why would I want to do that?”
“Well, people’s minds like to jump to conclusions, and if they saw me alone with you, they might think...” Suddenly, the air in the car felt very thick, and my throat constricted on the words.They might think we’re together.
“They might think what?” Kiyana said, holding my gaze.
“That we’re... That you’re... with me.” I felt self-conscious. Like she was seeing too much. Of what, I wasn’t exactly sure. Did she catch my doubled chin? My carefully tweezed eyebrows or the heart on my cheek? What about the dark brown of my eyes or the way my baby hairs always stuck out despite using massive amounts of hairspray? And more importantly, what did she think when she saw those things?
She smiled slightly, her full lips quirking up at the corner. They were beautiful, transitioning from ebony to pink in the most stunning way, like God himself had painted them with the shades he loved the most. “What would be so wrong with us being together?” she asked, her lips moving around the words, giving hints of her straight, white teeth.
My gut ached at the unfulfilled wish. I wanted to have a girlfriend to hold my hand, to kiss my lips, to tuck my hair behind my ear like they always did so romantically in the movies. And yeah, it would be even better if that girl was as beautiful as Kiyana. But my life was not a fantasy. Of that, I was certain.
Kiyana glanced around like someone might hear or see us through the protection of her car in the parking lot, then faced me again. “Can you keep a secret?”
I only nodded. It was all Icoulddo. The air was so charged between us, it felt like I was standing at the edge of a cliff, unsure of whether I would fall or fly.
She bit her lip, making my insides squirm. “Stefon and I... we came up with a deal our freshman year. We would date each other and keep everyone from knowing the truth.”
“And what was the truth?” I breathed.
She reached out and touched my hand, ran her fingertips along my skin, making goosebumps rise on my arms. “That he likes guys. And I...like girls.”
The butterflies in my stomach were dancing now, realizing just how close I was to Kiyana. Dangerously aware of her hand still on mine. I couldn’t believe what she was saying, what I wasfeeling.
She looked from my hand to my eyes. “What do you think about that?” she asked, her chest just as still as mine.
Dodging the question altogether for fear of giving myself away too early, I asked, “Who else knows?”
“Only Stefon and now you.”
Sixteen
Kiyana
