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I stopped listening. I had heard this same spiel months ago from Carter. Could you break-up with someone if you never officially started dating? It didn’t matter. I knew what a break-up sounded like when I heard one.
But this was so much worse. Ansel’s words cut me to the very core, ripping my heart into pieces. And he hadn’t even finished yet.
My lower lip quivered. “Stop, just stop,” I whispered, burying my face in my hands. I took a couple of deep breaths, composing myself enough before the tears broke free. “Please, stop. I don’t understand.” I looked up from my hands to stare at him. “I don’t understand. I thought you were attracted to me? I thought . . .” My voice wavered. “I thought you cared about me.”
The muscle in his cheek tightened. “I do. I do. I care about you so fucking much it scares me.”
“Then what’s the problem?!” I practically yelled.
He let out a long, heavy sigh. His eyes flicked to the ceiling and then back to his hands again resting on the table. But he still refused to meet my gaze. “You deserve so much more than what I can give you. You deserve all the things you want: a husband, a house, kids. You deserve it all and more. And it kills me to say it out loud, but I can’t give you a normal life because I can’t even guarantee your safety.”
“I don’t understand. I thought you’ll be safe once Gregor is dead?”
“I’m mafia, Skye.”
“Ex.”
“Doesn’t matter. Once you’re in, you can never leave. No matter what I do or where I go, I will always have a target on my back. I will never be safe. And if you stay with me, neither will you.”
Suddenly, it dawned on me. He never intended to have sex with me. He was just avoiding the question to protect me from . . . getting too attached? At least my initial fears were correct—Ansel didn’t want me getting too clingy.Well too fucking late for that.
I stood up from the table. “Where are you going?” he asked.
I had no clue. All I knew was I needed air—fresh air—or else I was going to suffocate. “I need to make a call,” I said, rounding the table. I stopped in my tracks, turning to face him. “And just to refresh your memory because you seem to have forgotten, the only reason I ran into you that night in the alley wasn’t because I was looking for a husband. I was looking for a quick, no-strings-attached fuck to help me get over Carter. Now, even after being kidnapped, having my life threatened on multiple occasions, and probably losing my job, I can’t even get laid?” I reached across the table and grabbed the bottle of wine. “You think you know me so well, but you’ve missed the most obvious thing; I’m not asking you to marry me. Why would I? You’re an orc. I’m fae. This would never work out. And after putting me through hell, you can’t even give me the only thing I want from you—your cock.”
I stormed through the restaurant, ignoring the open stares of everyone around me. I peered over my shoulder to make sure there wasn’t a seven-foot orc following me. Thank the goddess there wasn’t, because I was so angry; I would have thrown this bottle at his head.
And I wasn’t about to waste a good bottle of wine over a stupid orc.
I stumbled past the hostess at her desk and pushed my way through the double doors. I could finally breathe again. But my pace didn’t slow. I turned, heading in the direction of water. I had no idea what I was doing. All I really knew was I needed to get as far away from Ansel as possible.
I found a bench overlooking the water and collapsed into the seat. I glared at my surroundings for a few minutes, my head and heart still reeling. There was a runner’s path next to the water that fed into an underpass, but as far as I could see, I was completely alone to scream and cry to my heart’s desire. At least until Ansel showed up and dragged my ass back inside.
The thing was, I didn’t feel like crying. Not yet anyway. The tears were there, blurring the corners of my vision, but they refused to fall. I was too numb to feel sad. All I wanted to do right now was find a hole to crawl into and disappear forever.
I told you,Carter’s voice sneered in my head.You’re not good enough to marry. Not even good enough to date. Once a placeholder, always a placeholder.I tipped back the bottle of wine, trying to dull Carter’s voice.
I had lied when I told Ansel I didn’t want to marry him. I didn’t care that he was an orc; I was just lashing out. I was ready to turn my entire life over for him, even move to a different country with him, if that’s what he wanted. I didn’t care about trying to achieve the perfect life anymore. I almost had that with Carter, and I had never been more miserable in my entire life than when I was with him.
All I knew was I wanted Ansel—safe or not, I didn’t care, as long as we were together.
What killed me the most was Ansel’s feelings were there, yet they were not strong enough to see this through.For someone who isn’t scared of anything, Ansel is a big coward.
Well. This had been an eye-opening experience indeed. Now I knew for a fact all men: fae, elf, demon, or orc, were all the same. Liars. Manipulators. Riddled with commitment issues. And definitely not worth my time. I took another deep drink of the wine, mentally swearing off men forever. From now on it would just be me, vibrators, and lots and lots of wine to dull the orc-shaped hole in my heart.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, reminding me that I actually did have a call to make. Unlike the men in my life, I followed through with my promises. I peeked over my shoulder one more time, still no Ansel. He probably wasn’t concerned about me escaping; I was on foot and was still wearing his necklace with a tracking device in it. I could have taken off the necklace; I would have thrown it in the water, if it hadn’t belonged to his mother, and escaped that way, but I still wanted to help Ansel. I may hate him right now, but that didn’t negate the strong feelings I had for him.
I opened the contacts in my phone and dialed Marcie’s number. It was during work hours, so hopefully she wasn’t too busy to take my call.
“Skye?” Marcie whispered-hissed into the receiver. I heard the sound of squeaking chairs and shutting doors. It was Tuesday, the day we held most of our team meetings, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Marcie had answered her phone in the middle of a meeting and left without an explanation. I had seen her do it before, and I was grateful to have her do it again for me. “Where the fuck have you been?” she said in a louder voice once she was alone.
“Hi,” I said weakly. “I am so sorry. I had a family emergency.”
“Skye, when you didn’t show up to work the next day after your date, I thought you had been murdered. I even went by your apartment, and your nosy neighbor told me that she hadn’t seen you in a couple of days either. I panicked, so then I called your mom, and she told me you had just talked to her, so the police wouldn’t let me file a missing person’s report after I had told them about your date in the alley.”
I chewed my lower lip. “You called my mom? And the police? Holy shit, Marcie.”
“Holy shit is right! I thought you were dead somewhere, girl. I was so worried! Then I heard through the office grapevine you had called out because your grandma had died, which your mom did not mention at all when I had called, and you’ve just been AWOL ever since? What is going on, Skye? You’re supposed to be the responsible one here!”
