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I looked around, and my jaw dropped open. Aurora didn’t hold back as she roared with laughter. Standing on the porch was a man’s bubble wrap body suit. From the feet to the hood of the fucking thing, it was well padded with bubble wrap. I glowered as everyone laughed and flipped them the finger.
“Motherfucker!” a voice screeched, and I jumped and glanced around.
What the hell was that? Rosie blushed, but no way had that been her. People turned to her in surprise as a second voice spoke quietly but indignantly.
“Mom! He is gonna be naughty!”
I peered at Rosie’s shoulders and noticed she looked like she had a humpback. Until a lump moved, and Fanatic yelled and leapt to one side.
“Fuckin’ pussy,” the first voice chirped.
“Oh, my God! Is that a Macaw? He’s beautiful!” Ali-kat exclaimed.
“Fuck me sideways, baby; come to papa,” the cheeky bird whistled.
Laughter was returned to him until the second voice spoke again.
“I’ll castrate you, your fuckin’ bird brain!”
“Precious!” Rosie said, shocked.
“That one’s my fault!” Calamity admitted, holding up his hand. A white head poked out from Rosie’s loose hair and peered at everybody. It ducked back into Rosie’s hair as she glowered at Calamity, who looked sheepish.
“Mom, everyone’s staring,” the bird cawed.
“Everyone meet Peter.” Rosie said motioning to the Macaw. “We kept the birds separate when we stayed at Reading Hall, because they were highly unsettled. They picked up on everyone’s emotions and they don’t like negativity, it upset’s them,” Rosie said as the Macaw strode out from her mane of hair and bowed on her shoulder. “And this is Precious.” A bird resembling a raven stepped out, but I was confused. One, it was white, and two, it talked.
Aurora dashed past me, nearly tripping in haste to say hi to the birds.
“What is she?” Aurora asked, stroking the white head gently.
“She’s a rare white raven,” Rosie responded.
“She’ll be bare in my bed tonight, and that ain’t rare!” Peter cheekily replied, and Blaze spat a mouthful of beer on the ground before he choked.
“Dear God, it’s the avian version of Eddie,” Phoe exclaimed as Peter bobbed up and down.
“Hubba hubba lady, those are some beautifulllll bazookas!” Peter greeted Phoe, who giggled and stroked his head.
“Definitely the avian version of Eddie,” Phoe declared, laughing again.
“Mom, he’s embarrassing me,” Precious complained as I stepped up to stroke her.
“Didn’t know ravens could speak,” I announced.
“They’re very intelligent,” Rosie replied, beaming with pride as people approached to meet the birds.
“Calamity and I tried to leave them, but Precious is attached to Calamity and once Peter realised Precious was leaving with us… well, Peter ensured he came too,” Rosie added.
“No, tell the truth. He threatened to shit all over the place,” Calamity mentioned, laughing.
“I’ll shit on you!” Peter warned Calamity, who stared at Peter.
“No nuts!” Calamity replied.
“I’ll de-nut you!” Peter retorted, and I laughed.
“That one’s on me too!” Calamity admitted with a grin.
