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“Lik was never my competition.”
“If I had been your competition, you’d have never stood a chance, love,” he laughs kindly.
I open my mouth to retort, but my words die at the bottom of my throat. This isn’t even an argument. Rose would never have stopped loving Sam.
“Regardless,” I finally say. “I was jealous. And bitter,” I admit. “And I can’t just forget those feelings.”
He shakes his head like I’m a child who doesn’t understand. “Those are ephemeral. Lean into what you feel deeply, not anything superficial.”
“You just want to pry it out of me.” I don’t know why I’m being so stubborn. Iamin love with Sam. It’s insane to feel and to think, although it would be even more insane to say.
Am I meant to just admit I fell in love with two strangers in the short time since Rose has been back? I need to keep a semblance of credibility. I can’t just fall in love with anyone just because Rose did too.
“He’s jealous because you said it to me and not to him,” Lik suddenly cackles as if it just came to him.
Sam’s lips tip up at the corner of his mouth and a light tint covers his cheeks.
“Oh my god,” I laugh. “You’re jealous!”
Since yesterday, I feel like a weight has come off my shoulders. The session we had downstairs was cleansing. The memories of Conor wiped away in the throes of passion. But as I laugh and enjoy myself, the physical pain from his hits can’t be ignored, bringing back a ball of anxiety in my stomach.
“You’re the one who made a huge deal out of a tiny tattoo. Don’t call me jealous!” Sam defends himself, although he knows he’s been caught.
“Okay,” I nod. “I’ll make you a deal. Tattoo Rose. A heart with an R in it. For me. Put it on her hip next to yours. Then I’ll tell you the truth about loving you…or not.”
“You’re crazy,” he scoffs.
“Oh, I’m absolutely unhinged,” I smile wickedly. “Did Rose never mention it?”
He shrugs. “I’ll do it right now.”
“Do you have what you need?”
“I do.” He runs his knuckles against his jaw and smirks. “But if I do that to soothe your jealousy, I’m warning you now, I want something bigger than when you admitted to Lik that you were in love with him.”
Noticing my confusion, he adds, “I want a full-on declaration of love.” His British accent somehow turns his words more serious than they actually are. “I want something big. Balloons and banners. I want you down on one knee reading me a love letter.”
It’s my turn to cackle a laugh. My cheeks are hot from knowing he cares about me admitting my love to him. My heart beats rapidly and spreads tingling warmth through my whole body.
“Why not a ring while we’re at it,” I mock him.
“If your declaration doesn’t look better than a bloody marriage proposal, you’ll regret it. I want to feel like you did when Rose asked you to prom.”
My eyebrows shoot up from my surprise. “How do you know about that?”
“She told me. ‘Sam, she loved it. You should have seen her face when I invited her. She practically melted in my hands.’” His attempt to imitate Rose’s voice is somewhat sour, clearly jealous of that time. He shrugs. “You guys got what I didn’t. And I want to feel that.”
It’d never occurred to me that among the madness Rose and Sam had been through, the insanity of having grown up in a criminal organization, the trauma they went through together and that brought them closer than anything…All Sam has ever wanted to share with her was something simple.
As simple as going to prom together. Like I did with her.
“Proms are overrated, baby,” Lik adds, as if to soothe an ache.
“They truly are,” I tell him. “It’s just a bunch of kids who drink before going so they look cool and who just can’t wait for the after-party. In Stoneview, it turns into the Met Ball.”
Sam shrugs. “Proms are sweet.”
“Someone ended up being shot at the North Shore High one,” Lik chuckles to himself.
