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It’s interesting to see how Rose and her brothers, Nate and Jake, react to human emotions. To events like life and death. To the way a child is meant to love his parents. To a mother passing away, for example.
There is no empathy in them whatsoever. They do not know what unconditional love is, like the love my mum used to fill me with. Because no one ever showed them. Her voice is flat when she talks about her. I don’t doubt she’s sorry that I was an unrecognizable mess a year ago, ready to take the same path as his violent, alcoholic father. She does feel sorry, but only because she’s sorry I was miserable. Not because she feels anything toward what happened.
“I will never stop being sad about my mum,” I admit, my eyes focused on her back. There are no more welts to cover, yet I can’t move. “I will forever hate my dad for killing her.”
She knows what he did, I don’t need to hide it from her. If anything, it’s nice to say it out loud.
“Did you see him do it?”
“Yes.”
He was always violent with her, often beating her black and blue. That night was different. She’d tried to leave with me. I remember all too well opening their bedroom door, and seeing him on top of her, his hands around her neck. Suitcases were open on the floor next to their bed, half full. Her legs were dangling off the bed, and her body was convulsing. The air smelt of sweat and alcohol, the room cast in shadows.
“Did you say something?” She’s turned around now, trying to catch my black gaze with her ocean one.
“I asked him what he was doing, and I told him to stop.” She grabs my hands, her small thumbs rubbing circles against the backs.
“And what did he do?”
I know her. She’s asking all these questions to think of someone else’s misery and convince herself that hers is not as bad.
I finally look up to her, finding strength in the way she attempts to pull information out of me. I never talked about it, not even with her.
“He said unless I stayed silent, I’d be next.”
I don’t wait for a reaction, I pull her to me by her hands, forcing her to wrap her arms around my waist. Then I grab the back of her head and keep her against my chest.
“I was scared,” I whisper in her ear. “I’d seen him kill much bigger men than himself. He’s insane, that’s what makes him so strong. I was scared, so I didn’t move. And I didn’t speak. I’m ashamed of myself for not saving her, for not even trying to.” Forcing her to listen to my heart beating against my ribcage, I continue, “I didn’t want to die, Lovebug…I didn’t want to leave you behind.”
“I’m sorry,” she tells me. “I’m not worth staying behind for.”
I finally push away from her, holding her at arm’s length and looking for an explanation in her eyes. “What do you mean?”
“I will leave, Sam. One way or another. I’ve got a plan, and if it doesn’t work…” She pulls away from me and walks to her bed.
“Don’t say that. You know I don’t like when you talk like that.”
“I won’t marry Bianco. Ever. I would rather die. Iwantto die, Sam. You just won’t let me.”
“Because I know I will get you away from here,” I defend.
“I can’t wait any longer! I’m tired and in pain. I’m scared. Every day of my life I’m scared. I haven’t seen the world outside of this property in months. He keeps me here, always. I get taught here, I have activities here, Isufferhere.”
“What’s your plan?” I’m right by the bed with her now. She sits down on it, and I stand right in front of her.
“Nate is the one getting in the way. He always does. I tried countless times to contact our case worker, except Nate always tells her we’re happy here and that he won’t move. They won’t let just me and Jake leave. She won’t listen to me.”
“So?”
“So he won’t be in the way if he’s dead.”
“You sound crazy right now.”
“I told him I’d do it. He doesn’t believe me. It’s him or me, I can promise you that.”
“He’s your brother.”
“No. Jake is my brother, and if anything else happens, if Nate sides with Bianco again…”
