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“Rose…stop. You’re talking about my best friend.”
“Who’s more important to you, him or me?”
“Don’t ask me that.”
“One of us will die, Sam. Who do you choose?” She sounds so angry, so real.
“I won’t let you hurt him or yourself.”
“If you’re not with me, you’re with him.”
“Stop it.” Before I can control myself, I’ve pushed her until her back hits the bed, our legs tangle and I’m right on top of her, holding myself above her by putting my hand on the mattress, on both sides of her face. “Lovebug…just stop, please. This is killing me.”
She winces and tears pearl at the corner of her eyes. “My back,” she whimpers.
I don’t move. Why am I not moving?
A tear drops and she shifts, hissing through the pain. “Sam, it hurts.”
For the first time since knowing Rose, she stirs something in me that I used to always have under control.
I feel myself going hard in my jeans, painfully so. The pain I just caused her brought tingles down my spine, and excitement in my stomach.
I disgust myself. After everything Bianco did to her, I am getting off on seeing her in pain. I know hurting someone turns me on. I’m slowly getting to know my body and clearly notice the things that get me going. But not with her. Never. I couldn’t.
I suddenly pull away, feeling empty now that she’s no longer close.
“I…” I run a hand through my hair.
“What?” She gets up. “It’s okay, it’s not your fault.” I can’t find anything to say. For once, I don’t want to stay silent, only the words won’t come out. “Sam, I’m fine. Stop being so weird.” She doesn’t notice the hard-on I’m sporting, and I quickly manage to get rid of it.
I pace around her room, avoiding her gaze, trying to focus on something else. When I stop, I turn to face her.
“Maybe you’re right,” I finally say. “Maybe you should leave.”
“What—”
“The truth is, I wish our situations weren’t what they are. I wish life was simpler. I don’t wish you had never met Bianco, and I know that’s selfish. But then, I would never have met you and I can’t live with that. The same way I don’t know how I’ll live once you’re gone.”
Her furrowed brows tell me that despite being the brightest thirteen-year-old in the tri-state area, she still doesn’t fully grasp the intense feelings that pass between us.
She takes a step closer to me, wraps her thin fingers gently around my bicep and swallows.
“Sam.” She swallows hard again, about to say something she shouldn’t. And yet it crosses her lips, forgetting there’s a chance I won’t say it back. “I’m yours. No matter what happens, I’ll always be yours,” she whispers her promise. As if it was the best-kept secret she has. As if Bianco could hear her all the way from his office downstairs.
I nod. That’s all I can do to acknowledge what she said. I dig my gaze so deep into hers, mixing our colors in a clash of titans because I know the words won’t come out from me. The disappointment in her eyes kills me.
I wish she could read my mind.
I love you.
After sharing my deepest thoughts through our unspoken bond, I share the reality of life, crashing into her with the truth.
“You should leave, Lovebug.”
I watch the hurt disappear from her eyes, drowned out by the flames of independence. I know she takes my words seriously, because if there’s one thing she desires above all else, it’s freedom. She is going to leave because, the truth is…if Rose wants to survive, she needs to be far away from Bianco and his organization.
She needs to be far away from me.
