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Backfired- Layto
I walk into the hotel room to find them all sitting on a single bed, facing the door, and so facing me.
“Let’s talk,” Lik says softly.
I chuckle to myself and take my leather jacket off.
“Tell me you don’t believe what Jake said. It’s bullshit.”
“We wouldn’t need to believe anyone else if we knew that you’re capable of telling the truth,” Sam tells me with an ominous calmness.
“I’m telling you that I didn’t ask you to find Volkov so I could go back to him. I don’t have Stockholm syndrome. Can’t you hear how ridiculous that sounds?”
How can I explain to him that I don’t need to go back to Viktor, he’s already found me.
I add, “Jake doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I don’t want to go back to him. I never loved him. That isn’t the sort of relationship we had.”
This might be a lie. I wasn’t in love with him, but I admired him so much that it sometimes felt like love. And I told him he could come get me.
I told him two months.
But if I tell them this now, they’ll just see it as a betrayal. I need to bide my time until I can convince Viktor to let me go. Only, my problem has always been the same: I have no way of contacting him. If we find him before my two months are up, I can tell him I’m not coming back. I can give him what he needs, find the girls, and leave for good.
Sam explodes in a laugh, like he could hear my hesitant thoughts.
“You’re so full of shit,” he spits at me with all the revulsion he can muster. “You’re so fucking broken, Rose.” Regret crosses his eyes before he even says his next words. “I don’t think evenIcan save you anymore.”
My heart drops to my stomach, making me realize that is exactly what I wanted from him. To save me from myself. To promise he would always be there for me.
I take a step back, feeling the stab right in my chest.
“Sam,” Lik intervenes. “We just said we would take this easy.”
“She can keep lying to herself if she wants. I’m done listening to her bullshit.”
In my hurt, I fall back into everything I hate about Sam as a desperate chortle escapes me.
“You’re such a hypocrite,” I tell him. “You know what? I might be confused. Yeah,” I nod. “Maybe it’s been difficult to come back to real life and not have Viktor’s presence with me every day.”
Tell him. Tell him that Viktor found you. That he’s coming back soon. Sam will help you. He’ll save you for good this time.
But they’re all looking at me like I’ve grown a second head, and I’m not the one talking.
After what I’ve been through, it’s about time to confess that it did damage me. Viktor saved me from the man who completely broke me, from his own brother. He protected me from him. Of course, I would develop some sort of feelings for him. He’s the only person who kept every single promise he ever made to me.
“I admit that it was hard to be away from him at first,” I tell them. “But I didn’t lie to you when I told you I didn’t miss him anymore. It was the truth. When I told you that your love, all of you, had put me back together. That nothing compared to it. Ifuckingmeant it,” I push through gritted teeth. “I didn’t betray you, Sam. Unlikeyou.”
“Not this again,” he hisses.
“Why not?” I insist, taking a step toward him. “You want to lay all the cards on the table. Tell them, then. Or are you too ashamed of what you did?”
“What did you do?” Rachel intervenes.
“What?” He turns to her, almost like he had forgotten she was there.
“She wants to know what you did that was so bad,” I push.
His jaw tightens just before he starts combing his hair back, avoiding answering. I can see he won’t say it. He still can’t admit it out loud. So after keeping his secret to myself for long enough, I finally share it with them.
