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“Do you have any idea what it’s like to hope for help to come, and slowly realizing it never will?”
I can’t be mistaken. I swear those are tears I see in his eyes. He gets up and walks to me.
“I’m sorry.” It’s a breath, barely a formed sentence. “I failed you,” he murmurs to himself. “All I’ve ever wanted to do was protect you, and I failed. I’m sorry. For everything.”
I shake my head, his apology bringing too much guilt and regret to my chest.
“It’s my fault,” I state.
Because for as long as I can remember, I expected Sam to save me. I appointed him the superhero of my entire life and never asked for his opinion about it. He was there when Bianco broke me. I was just a child, and I expected him to put the pieces back together as if I had no other option, never counting on myself until much later.
Save me, love me, keep me safe. Make me happy, make me laugh, and bring joy to a being that’s been dead for years on the inside. That’s all I’ve ever done to him.
“I’m sorry for putting that burden on you. You deserved better,” I tell him, sure that no truer words have ever passed my lips.
With a hand on my damp cheek, he adds, “Could you ever be truly happy? Far from me? Because I promise you, Rose, I tried. And nothing feels the same without you.”
My head falls back against Lik’s chest when Sam lets go. “No,” I admit. “I couldn’t.”
It’s the strangest thing I’ve experienced, admitting this, knowing well enough that Rachel can hear every word. Having Sam acknowledge such a truth in front of the man he loves—and I have no doubt that he truly, deeply loves him—means something. A new step, a new milestone.
Because there is no more running away from Rachel’s love and no more pretending I could be whole without Sam. Lik completes me in a way I never thought possible. Lik and I are not only on the same page. We’re the same word in the same line.
Maybe I’m that broken that I can’t feel enough until multiple people give me their love and entire being. Or maybe they all give me different things.
Lik’s arms hold me tighter, a reassurance I didn’t know I needed. My feelings seem to fall back into place, pieces of a puzzle showing me a bigger picture. Loving all of them in their own ways, giving them what I need, and owning their hearts in return. I can do that.
Going back to Viktor?
I can’t. Not anymore.
19
SAM
Be My Queen- Seafret
Rose looks confused when she wakes up. She peers around, noticing I’m the only one in bed with her. Her eyes are puffy from crying after our argument and sleeping for so long. I put a hand on her cheek.
The conversation we had yesterday was cleansing. I knew after what Jake said that I wouldn’t be able to go back home with her before we laid everything out on the table. Lately, we have let lust and love take over. We both knew it wasn’t enough. There were deeper feelings getting in the way of our love. She thought I betrayed her, and I thought exactly the same. We both did and didn’t. We both had explaining to do, and it’s a matter of being able to forgive.
I think I can. If it means keeping her and her love…I can. As long as I get to kill the fuckers who hurt her.
“You slept the whole night,” I explain softly.
She nods and nestles against my side. “Where are the others?”
“They went for breakfast.” She looks up, rubs her eyes, and squints at me. “Did I take my contacts out?”
“In the middle of the night,” I nod. “Woke up, walked to the bathroom, and got rid of them.”
She chuckles. “I don’t even remember. Are you not hungry?”
“Thought I’d wait for you to wake up.”
She rolls onto her back and sighs. “Fuck, I don’t think I’ve got my glasses.”
“I brought them.”
