Page 48 of Pilot's Virgin

“I’d love to,” I said. “Just tell me what you need me to do, and I’ll get it done.”

She smiled, and for the first time all morning, it felt genuine. She told me what she needed me to do, then laughed as I did my best but failed to do it as well as she did. But, just seeing her happy and smiling was enough to make me feel good.

I was concerned with her not feeling great, and I wanted to help in any way that I could.

But, it seemed the only way I could help right now was to make her laugh at my poor attempts of helping out.

But any genuine smile from her was a win in my book.

I loved to make her laugh.

TWENTY-EIGHT

ONE WEEK LATER

Laurel

I wasglad to be feeling less nauseous, and even happier to be finishing up with work early for the day.

There were more things I could be doing, but really, my job would forever be full of things I could be doing. When it came down to it, I realized I spent a lot of my life doing things for work that could have waited until I was back at work to be done.

Sure, I was one of the top designers in the company, but I realized more and more that the position was coming with the cost of my free time.

I hadn’t minded that for most of my adult life. The fact that my career was my goal in life made me sure that I didn’t want to shirk on any of my responsibilities when it came to my career. I had turned down a lot in the past to be able to move forward with the career, and I was happy to do it.

But, now that I was with Greyson, I was realizing that there was a lot more to life than my career, and things I wanted to do that were outside of work. I knew I shouldn’t have that kind of attitude toward work. That was the kind of attitude that was going to make it harder for me to move up in my field.

Still, what was the cost of me being able to move up the ladder anyway? Did I really want to do that when I had Greyson? The fact that I was looking forward to spending time with him every time we were apart told me that this man was the one for me.

I didn’t know, however, if he was on the same page. I had hoped by hinting to him about the future and what he wanted to do with his life that he would pick up on me wanting to find out where we were heading in our relationship, but he had been straightforward and honest with me about what he wanted in the future without really going into what that meant for him and me together.

There was the chance that he assumed that we were meant to be together, and that’s what he was thinking – perhaps when he said what he was going to do in the future, he was talking in the sense that we were going to be together. Maybe he wanted to take me with him on his world travels.

I didn’t know, and I wasn’t going to invite myself along. But, I did want to know what he was thinking as far as the two of us were concerned. Not that I was going to bother him in one way or another over it, but I knew we did have to have the talk sooner or later about what all this meant. I wanted to know where we were going with our lives, and I wanted to know if what we had together was going to come to an end once we got back to New York City.

The only problem was, it didn’t seem to me that he was picking up very much on the fact I wanted this to be something that we talked about directly. I wasn’t sure if he was deliberately trying to avoid talking about it, or it if was something that he just hadn’t gotten the right message from the questions I was asking.

One was just as obvious as the other in my mind, and I wasn’t sure how to approach it from here. I wanted a direct answer, but I also didn’t want to push it on him if he wasn’t ready to talk about it.

On the other hand, when was the right time to talk about any of this? I hadn’t done this before. I had boyfriends in the past, but the fact was that I had never had a serious boyfriend, and the breakups I had gone through were always pretty amicable. I had been so focused on my career, there wasn’t any need to have a guy, too.

But I hadn’t ever met a guy like Greyson before, either.

And I didn’t want to break up with him.

I wanted to have the talk that led to us being honest about our feelings and understanding where the other person was with their wants and needs. I wanted to have the kind of conversation that we walked away from in an official relationship.

So how was I supposed to bring that up without making it seem like I was being desperate? Or what if he thought I was getting scared that we were coming down to the end of our time together, so I was just trying to get him to commit to me so he couldn’t go back to doing what he wanted when we got back to New York?

I never was very happy with the way my mind would overthink practically everything, but that was where I was at, and I didn’t see a way to change it. I wanted to be bold enough and confident enough to be up front with him about how I felt and what was going on in my head, but I didn’t see that happening. Not right now.

There was so much pressure for me to perform with this job, I wasn’t sure how I would have the mental capacity to deal with anything more than what I already had on my plate.

And there was still the fear I had over what would happen if I brought up this conversation with Greyson, and he told me he didn’t want to be serious – or that he never wanted to be serious for that matter. This really could be just for fun in his mind, and I didn’t know how I would deal with that.

I would have to move on, I knew, but how?

I was already falling pretty hard for this man, and I didn’t want things to change.

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