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But we had started this with the thought that it wasn’t meant to be anything. I hadn’t planned on it turning into something bigger, and now that it had and I did fall in love, I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with that, either.
The entire thing was a mess in my mind, and I felt stuck.
So, leaving work early that day felt like the best course of action. I worked better when my head was in the game, and right now, it most certainly was not. I was far too worried about the other things going on in my life to be able to dedicate much to the work.
And that in itself was killing me.
I promised myself I would be ready to get back in the game tomorrow. I wasn’t overly happy with having to cut the day short today, but it meant I would have the time to get to bed early, so I could then get up early tomorrow morning and head right to the hotel.
While there was the little voice inside me that told me I was probably not going to make it to bed early, or make it to work early the next day, it was enough to get me out of the hotel right now. I just wanted to get back to the hotel where I was staying and see Greyson. I hadn’t had much time for him the past few days, and I felt guilty about that.
He was on my mind almost constantly, but anyone who could read my mind wouldn’t even know that if they were to watch my actions. I might have him on my mind, but I was wrapped up in work and sleeping too much to be able to spend the time with him, and now I’d gotten to the point where I wanted to spend that time with him no matter what else was going on.
I could manage to get off work early today if I was able to spend time with him. I didn’t even care if we just got room service and hung out in one of our hotel rooms. It meant that I would have the time to just sit and bask in the glory of being in the same room with him, and that was ultimately what I wanted to do with my time. Even if it was boring. As long as he was there, I was happy.
I called for an Uber and was glad that my phone rang just as my ride was pulling up. It saved me from having to make awkward small talk with the driver on my way back to the hotel. Not that I minded talking to the person driving me on a normal day, but with how my mind was so full of everything right now, I knew that I wasn’t in the best headspace to be able to hold a conversation.
“Hey, girl,” I said as I answered the phone. “How are you?”
“Good, been good,” Naomi answered. “I miss you though, so I thought I’d call and see how things were going. And also when you’re coming home.”
I laughed. Naomi was always the kind of person to cut right to the chase, and I liked that about her. Right now, I wished I had more of that in my own personality. Then I might not be so worried about what I was going to do about my relationship with Greyson.
“I miss you, too,” I told her. “I am in such need of some girl time! I mean, it’s been fun being able to travel around the country again, but really when you don’t know anyone in any of the cities you go to, there’s not much point. It all starts to look the same after a while.”
“I guess that makes sense,” Naomi said. “You still seeing Greyson?”
“Yeah,” I replied, my tone as calm and direct as I could make it. I didn’t really want to talk about him with her right now, I knew she would tell me to suck it up and talk to him, and while I knew that was what I needed to hear, it wasn’t what I wanted to hear by any means. “I think we’re going to go to dinner tonight.”
“Sounds like a date,” Naomi said. “Where you going?”
“I’m not sure yet,” I said. I was just assuming that we were going to have dinner, and I didn’t want to tell her that it would probably be room service. This was still something I was processing in my own brain, and I wanted to have more confidence in what I was doing before I told her about what my next move with him would be.
“I know Seattle is known for their seafood, you wanna try that?” she asked.
“Ooh, lobster sounds great,” I lied. The thought of seafood made me want to puke, but I kept that to myself. “I’ll send you a pic of whatever I get just to make you jealous.”
“I am jealous!” she said. “You’re on the west coast, which is where I’ve always wanted to check out, and you get to do it with a cute guy, too. You’re living the dream, girl!”
“Thanks,” I said, glad for the positivity. “Listen, I’m just now getting back to the hotel. Let me call you again in a few days, okay?”
“Sounds good,” she said. “Have fun tonight.”
“I will, talk soon,” I said.
I hung up the phone and thanked my driver before getting out of the car. I was glad to cut the conversation short before we had time to talk about anything too deep. I didn’t want to get into any of that, and I knew that the more we were on the phone together, the easier it would be for her to bring something up that I didn’t want to talk about right now.
I just wanted to focus on tonight and having fun.
After all, now that I wasn’t working, I was free to spend the night however I wanted, and whether that meant we would be going out or staying in, I knew I wanted to spend it with Greyson.
He was bound to be up in his room not doing anything. It’s what he’d been doing the past two locations where I’d been working. Readily available for when I needed him for whatever I needed him to do. I loved that, and I definitely needed him with me tonight.
I didn’t even care what we did together. I just wanted to spend time with him.
Really, that’s all I wanted to do with my time these days.
TWENTY-NINE
