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I’m out of breath, my chest heaving like I’ve had to run ten miles to save my own life, and she can’t seem to be capable of looking at me.
Instead of offering me her fingers like I prayed she would, she climbs out of the bed and locks herself in the bathroom.
I wipe myself clean with my t-shirt and roll back over. It only takes seconds before I’m back to sleep.
Chapter 20
Madelene
Crawling back into bed last night after what I did wasn’t as hard as I expected it to be. He was snoring softly when I came out of the bathroom, so I didn’t have to concern myself that he was going to want more.
Waking up this morning is an incredibly different story. There’s some guilt for what I did, what my body demanded of me when I thought he had fallen asleep. I should feel more shameful than I do. Instead, in its place, is a sort of freedom I’m having a hard time explaining. I could blame him. He told me to keep going, somehow knowing I wouldn’t be able to do it if he hadn’t demanded it of me. I’ve never felt anything like it before, no matter how many times I’ve touched myself.
I was less fearful when he turned the light on to watch me than I was upset that I would have to stop. For some reason, the thought that he could hurt me never crossed my mind, not even when he told me to keep going. I never got the sense that he would invade my space or force himself on me if I genuinely refused. There was safety in it, like that bed was a sanctuary if only for the few minutes we were watching each other.
My dreams were almost as troublesome as performing for him. In them, his mouth was everywhere on my body—my neck, my nipples, my lower belly… there.
Every place but my mouth, yet that’s where I longed for it to be.
I have no doubt this man is skilled and talented in helping a woman reach orgasm, but even in my dreams, he wasn’t considerate enough for kissing. His fantasized touches were harsh, his fingers pinching, leaving marks. As horrible as that sounds now that I’m awake, they were exactly what I demanded of him while asleep.
Before, the thought of having cum in my mouth would make me literally gag. The Severino brothers thought it was funny, independent of each other because Alessio didn’t know about what his brother was forcing me to do.
Last night, however, I yearned for a taste after watching it splatter on his golden skin. My mouth watered for it the same way it does while smelling a cheeseburger, getting undressed to satisfy the rule Hollis has. He didn’t even demand I clean his skin with my mouth. With the lack of command came a little disappointment as I walked to the bathroom. I’d never be able to take that step alone. I’d have to be told, but it wouldn’t take twisting my arm for it to happen.
The price of sleeping in the bed has gone up.
His words float through my head as I come to full consciousness. The price is always changing. At first, it was nakedness, now, it’s watching me touch myself. Before nightfall, he could raise the price yet again. The thought of it shouldn’t thrill me. I should be terrified of this man, but I’ve seen monsters. I lived among them, always scared, terrified, they’d also change the rules and hurt me more than I could recover from.
Hollis wants me to believe he would hurt me. He wants me to see him as this demon who’s willing to cross all sorts of lines, but I know better. I have no doubt the man can maim and kill. He’s proven that he can, but I’m not his preferred victim. I can’t help but think he’s a demon slayer, that his goal in life is to clean it of people like Marcello and Alessio Severino. If that’s the case, then I need to stay as close to him as possible. He’s not my captor but my protector whether he wants to be or not.
I know it’s not care or affection he has for me that will protect me but the love he had for Ellie Baker. Either way, I can benefit from it. I pray he’s successful in getting his revenge because only then could I truly be free.
I stiffen when I realize I’m probably certifiably, clinically insane. I think back to when he shot Julio, how I was gagged, bound, and had my head covered by a hood. I don’t recall hitting my head, but I guess it’s possible. I shouldn’t feel any level of comfort here. I should’ve run the first time he left the front door open. I’ve had many chances to seek my freedom. I know I’ve said that Alessio will find me, but does his reach honestly go that far? Would he really expend the energy to send people out for the foreseeable future to look for me? I’m certain he could find a way to access my family’s money without me around.
