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“Did you find the place okay? I know parking can kind of suck in this neighborhood. Or maybe, you took a cab. Uber prices are insane on the weekend, but I guess that doesn’t matter.”
I let out a small laugh, and Eli gave me a tight smile. “Can I come in?”
I giggled, but the sound was high-pitched and made me sound insane. “Of course.” I swung the door open, so that he could walk inside.
“Can I get you something to drink?”
Eli shook his head. “What are you doing here?”
The accusation in his voice was back, and it made my stomach clench once more. “I know that you are angry with me…”
“I’m not angry.”
“You sound angry.”
“I’m just confused.”
I tried not to get antsy, but I couldn’t help it. I was still working on being a more open person, but I wasn’t perfect. A year in therapy wasn’t going to solve all of my problems. Hell, ten years probably wouldn’t.
The feeling of Eli’s warm hand on my cheek startled me back to myself. “I never thought that I would see you again,” he whispered as he brushed a thumb over my cheek. “My father refused to tell me much about what happened.”
I nodded. “I’m not surprised.” I leaned into his touch. I probably should have pulled away from him, but I couldn’t. The warmth of his skin was something that I missed. “Your father doesn’t want us together.”
Immediately, I felt Eli tense, and I regretted telling him that truth. “Is he the reason I haven’t heard from you?”
Sheepishness overcame me, and I looked away. “He wasn’t the only reason,” I admitted.
Eli’s hand dropped, and I could see his nostrils flare. He was trying to get control of himself. If there was one thing Eli craved it was control. I suspected it was because his father tried to run his life at every turn, but I wasn’t going to say that. It wasn’t my place.
“What were the reasons?”
I sighed and stepped back. “I needed to get my shit together.” Eli opened his mouth to speak, but I placed a finger on his lips. “Don’t, please. I did.”
He said nothing, but he nodded.
“The NYPD wanted to pin Callum’s murder on you, and I wasn’t going to let that happen. Like I told you, I had a recording of him confessing to what he and Caleb had done. That plus Caleb cutting a plea deal made the judge go easy on me.” My voice shook slightly as I admitted this next part. “The deal was one year in a rehab center and court mandated therapy.”
“Shit,” Eli said.
I chuckled. “It might have been shit, but my father is crafty, and he managed to get control of the facility.” It was one of the best things he’d ever done for me. “I didn’t realize how much help I needed until I got there.”
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I didn’t brush them away.
“Don’t cry,” Eli said.
I sniffled. “It’s good to cry,” I admitted. “There were so many years where I tried to mask the pain I was feeling with drugs and alcohol, or just by holding it inside. It didn’t work, and frankly, Callum’s death would have pushed me over the edge of my sanity if I didn’t take that deal.”
I could see Eli’s eyes turn fierce, and I knew he wanted to claim that he would protect me. And I knew he would try. The problem was that I’d never be whole if I didn’t learn to protect myself.
“Why didn’t you come to me when you got out?” He looked around the room, hurt in his eyes. “You enrolled in art school. I don’t think it would have been too much to pick up the phone and call me.”
This was the hard part. The part that I’d dreaded, and ultimately, the reason I didn’t call Eli.
“I can’t be near the mob.”
Eli’s brow quirked.
“I can’t do it.” I shivered as I recalled the way I’d stabbed Callum. I would have killed Caleb too, and I wouldn’t have had an ounce of remorse. “I’m scared of who’d I’d become in your life because at the end of the day, you’ll never leave your family.”
