Page 79 of The Spare


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Sophia’s eyes went comically wide. I expected her to lob question after question at me, or to look at me with intense pity in her eyes. But Sophia just at across from me, waiting for what I was going to say next.

Tears prickled behind my eyes as I thought about the events of that night. “I’ve never told all of this to everyone,” I whispered. I didn’t know why I felt compelled to tell Sophia. But all night, I’d gone over that night in my mind, and there was so much that I couldn’t get past.

I needed to talk through it with someone I could trust. If I didn’t, I thought I might go fucking insane.

Sophia’s warm, soft hand took mine in her own, and she looked at me with an intensity in her eyes that I’d never seen before. “You can tell me,” she assured me. “And I’ll do whatever I can for you.”

“Why?” I asked, the distrust I’d always felt flaring up in my chest.

Sophia squeezed my fingers. “Because we are friends, and that’s what friends do.”

I squeezed back before taking a deep breath and starting. “My mother and I didn’t get along. I had a twin sister, Carina.” I smiled as I thought about Carina. It made me sad to think about her, but my memories were also nice. “Despite being twins, we could not have been more different. Carina was the perfect daughter. She listened to my parents.” I chuckled. “I was more rebellious and listening has never been more forte.”

Sophia smiled at me.

“After she died, my mother fell apart for a while…” I took a deep breath as I remembered that time. “Looking back, I think I resented her for not being there for me, and the gulf between us just got wider and wider.”

I wish that I could go back to that time and tell my mother that I was sorry for being such a pain in her ass.

“Things got bad the beginning of my junior year,” I told Sophia. “I’d always been rebellious, but then, I met a boy.”

Sophia snorted. “It always comes back to some asshole, doesn’t it.” This made me giggle despite everything. I knew in my gut that Sophia was the right person to tell all of this to, and I was glad that I trusted it.

“I became enraptured with Caleb. He was carefree, and he was into drugs…” I trailed off as I thought about what the last two years had become for me. “Looking back, I think that was what I liked about Caleb more than anything else. I’d thought that he was like me, but now, I think I just liked that he supplied me with enough drugs and booze to forget the pain I was feeling.”

Sophia nodded, and I appreciated that I didn’t see any judgement in her eyes. “What was his story?”

“Caleb’s dad was a wealthy equity guy or something like that…” I trailed off as I tried to remember the specifics. “When Caleb started high school, his father was imprisoned for fraud. He devalued people out of millions, including some of our classmates’ families.”

Sophia released a small whistle between her teeth. “I’m sure that didn’t make him popular.”

I shrugged. “His older brother bore the brunt of it. Caleb was well-known for having the best party supplies, and I think that shielded him from a lot of it.”

Looking back, I realize that Caleb was always given a pass for things. Not that I thought he or his brother were responsible for the actions of their father. I certainly wouldn’t want to be responsible for the many crimes mine had committed.

“The day before my mother was killed the two of us got into a fight. She wanted me to stay away from Caleb. She threatened to have my father send me to Mexico to stay with my Abuela if I didn’t. I was pissed, so I snuck out to party.” My breath was shaky as I thought about that night. “Caleb gave me something. I thought it was E, but when I woke up in the hospital, they told me it was GHB.”

Sophia’s brows knit together. “You were in the hospital?”

I nodded. “My mom called me demanding that I come home. I did.” A tear streamed down my cheek, and I flicked it away, as I started to tell Sophia the rest of the story. “When I got there, I was stoned as hell. I didn’t realize that the door was open, or that there was blood on the floor.”

Sophia inhaled sharply. “You found them.”

My mind flashed back to the scene, and I shivered. This was the part I just couldn’t talk about. I didn’t think I ever would be able to. There was just something about describing the scene that made me want to vomit.

“I ran, or rather, stumbled to try and get to my phone. But the killers were still in the house.” The skin of my throat tightened as I recalled the way that the killer’s lifted me by the throat, his hands cutting off my oxygen. “I thought I was going to die.”

“But you didn’t.” Once more, Sophia reached out to take my hand in her own. “You survived.”

I’d thought that I survived because of luck. The very last thing that I recalled as my body went slack was the sound of police sirens in the background, but we lived in L.A. There were always sirens. That didn’t mean they were coming for us.

“I think they let me go.” I felt a shiver of fear down my spine. For months I had been trying to figure out who killed my family. I knew in my heart there was something in the back of my mind that could tell me what really happened that night.

But the drugs and trauma made it impossible for me to remember. That was what I thought.

Sophia blinked several times. “Why would they do that?” she asked. “Not that I’m not glad. Obviously, I didn’t want you dead, but I can’t imagine that someone who did such a terrible thing would just leave you as a witness.”

“That was what I thought,” I agreed. “Parts of that night are such a blur, but other parts are in stark relief.”

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