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“Will you tell me about your favorite memories in this place?”
“Not counting the one we’re creating right now?” he replies, and I blush.
Si drops back down to the ground with a smile on his face. I watch him as he takes off his hoodie, his t-shirt riding up with it and exposing his abs. He places it on the ground and tips his head toward it. My eyes widen, and I freeze. Why would he do that for me? I know how long he has to wait to wash his clothes at the shelter, yet he so carelessly threw his hoodie on the floor… forme.
My heart aches as I sit down next to him. Si smiles at me, and my heart starts to race. I’m falling for him, and I know I’ll never have him. Silas has made that much clear. Even if there’s a spark between us, he won’t act on it.
“My darling Ray, let me tell you about the time I peed my pants because a squirrel attacked me,” he says, and I grin. He’s single-handedly turned the worst birthday I’ve ever had into the best one I could’ve wished for. I’m already looking forward to next year, and I have a feeling he is too.
ChapterEleven
Silas
I stare at the notice on the door, informing us that today’s seminar was canceled. Why didn’t I receive an email about that? I’d have left straight after my last lecture if I’d known. I groan and turn back around in a rush to get back to the shelter. Maybe I’ll get to see her today, if I’m fast enough.
“Hey, Silas?”
I pause, surprised at the sound of my name. A tall blonde smiles at me, her expression hopeful. I’ve seen her in my seminars before, but I don’t think we’ve ever spoken a word to each other. To say I’m a loner at college would be putting it mildly. For one, I’m older than most of my classmates, because I started two years later than I was supposed to. Besides, it’s unsettling to be around people who are so carefree, who take the educational opportunities they’re given for granted. It’s strange to be surrounded by people who are exactly what I’d be like if Mona hadn’t kicked me out.
“Regina, right?”
Her eyes widen, as though she’s surprised I know who she is, and then she smiles. How could I not know her? I hear guys talking about her at every turn. We might never have formally met before, but I know she’s a cheerleader, and she seems to be every guy’s biggest fantasy. Personally, I don’t see it. I much prefer petite women with dark hair and sassy mouths that hide a heart of gold… perfect hazel eyes, and lips I’m dying to taste. Yeah, Regina is not my type.
“I’m throwing a party tonight. I’d love to see you there, if you’re up for it?”
I’m not into the whole college party scene. I don’t have time for it, and if I were to attend, I’d miss the shelter’s curfew. My agreement with Ricardo meant I could never miss curfew, or I’d risk losing my bed. Now that I’m officially employed by the shelter, it’s probably different, but I still won’t risk it. Besides… it’s Wednesday. Alanna volunteers on Wednesdays.
“I can’t,” I tell her. “But thank you for inviting me.”
I haven’t seen Alanna for nearly two months now, because of this damn seminar. It’s ends so late that she’s usually gone by the time I get back. Today is the first time it’s ever been canceled. Speaking to her on the phone isn’t enough, not anymore. There’s no way I’ll pass on a chance to see her, just to go to some party.
I smile at Regina and walk past her. “Wait!” she says, sounding mildly panicked. I turn back around to face her, and she smiles nervously. “Um, could I… could I maybe have your number?”
“Why?” I frown, confused.
She looks at me, her eyes wide and her cheeks rosy. What is wrong with her?
“Um, it’s just, we’ve been in the same seminar all semester. I thought it would be good to exchange notes every once in a while.”
“Right,” I murmur, nodding. I take out my phone and unlock it before handing it to her. She takes it from me and dials her own phone number before saving it for me. For some reason, she hesitates before giving it back to me. Why is she being so awkward? As far as I’m aware, we’ve never spoken before today.
“Thanks,” I tell her, taking my phone back from her. She nods and looks at me as though there’s more she wants to say, but I don’t have time to hang around. Not today. “See you at our next seminar.”
She nods, and I walk away in a rush, worried I’ll miss the next bus. I can barely remember the last time I saw Alanna, and I’m looking forward to spending some time with her again. Thanks to my new job and bedroom at the shelter, I get to talk to her until whatever time I want now. Our conversations usually last until either of us falls asleep, but it isn’t the same as seeing her. It’s strange, but Alanna and I can go weeks without seeing each other, and our friendship never changes.
“You’re back earlier than usual today,” Ricardo says when I walk into the shelter. I pause and nod, suddenly feeling awkward. “She’s in the kitchen.”
“Who?” I ask, playing dumb.
Ricardo shakes his head and glances back at his tablet, his gaze thoughtful. I was sure he’d have warned me away by now, and the fact that he hasn’t means he trusts me with her. I know I can’t take this any further. It isn’t just the age difference, it’s everything else too. There’s no future for us. I can’t have her, but I allow myself this much. I allow myself her company and her friendship, for as long as she’s willing to give me that.
I pause in the kitchen doorway, the sound of her laughter stopping me in my tracks. I watch her as she smiles at one of the kitchen employees. She’s no doubt being told some type of outrageous story. I wonder if she realizes that she brightens up all our days. I’m not the only one who looks forward to her visits.
I push away from the wall and walk up to her, wishing I could just take her into my arms. She’s so ridiculously beautiful, yet I can never tell her that. Not without making things weird between us. “Ray,” I murmur, fighting the possessiveness I feel.
She looks up from the soup she’s cooking, and my heart starts to race when her eyes find mine. “Silas.” The way she says my name has me taking another step toward her. Fuck. If I could kiss her right now, I would.
“Let me help you.”
