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I feel her eyes on me as I wash my hands and grab an apron and gloves. Does she realize what she’s doing to me? It’s been a year and a half since she first started volunteering here, and in that time, she’s managed to wear me down. I remember how badly I wanted to stay away from her when she first came here, yet now I can’t even fall asleep if I don’t hear her telling me goodnight first. Each time I saw her, she left me wanting just a little more of her. One more smile, one more conversation… and that just turned into a phone call, and another. My friendship with Alanna developed slowly, forged by my inability to resist her.
I take the spoon from her, and she grabs a bag of cornstarch to thicken the soup with. “I think we should add some more vegetables,” she says, and I nod.
“You look tired,” I murmur, my voice low enough for our conversation to be private in this busy kitchen. “Did I keep you up too late last night?”
I smirk when her cheeks turn rosy. So beautiful. It’s insane how stunning she is, and somehow she just gets more beautiful each time I see her. “Silas,” she admonishes. “If anyone heard you say that, they’d misunderstand.”
I bite back a smile and shake my head. I’d tell her that there’d be no room for misunderstandings if I ever took her to bed, but I can’t say that. I can’t joke around with her like that, crossing the boundaries she’s been pushing. “I’m serious,” I tell her. “You look exhausted. Things not going well with your dad?”
She shakes her head. “No. He’s sold most of his cars and pretty much every other valuable thing we own other than our home, but I don’t think it’s enough. We’re receiving letters from debtors every week, sometimes multiple times a week. I don’t know what’s going on, Si, and he won’t talk to me. If I try asking him anything at all, he just tells me not to worry. I don’t know what to do.”
“I wish I could tell you to take his advice, but I know it isn’t that easy to simply not worry. Truthfully, there’s nothing you can actually do, Alanna. All you can do is offer your dad the moral support he might need. I can imagine that what he’s worried about more than anything else is letting you down. He won’t want you to see him at his weakest, so for now just have faith in him, okay?”
She nods, but I can tell she isn’t listening. She’s anxious, and nothing I say will change that. I can’t blame her, either. I’d be the same in her situation.
“Your phone,” she says.
I blink in confusion, and Alanna points at my pocket.
“Your phone keeps dinging.”
I take off my gloves and unlock my phone, surprised to find several messages from Regina with her address and information about the party, in case I change my mind. Why couldn’t she just put all of that information in one single text? Why did she need to send me five?
“Who’s Regina?” Alanna asks, her tone different, harsher.
“No one.”
She looks at me then, a flash of hurt in her eyes. Fuck. When she looks at me like that she’s got me ready to sink down to my knees and beg for forgiveness for whatever crime she thinks I committed.
“Regina is just some girl from school. She’s in one of my seminars. I’d never even spoken to her before today.”
“So today was the first time you spoke to her, yet somehow you have her phone number already? That was fast, Si. Good for you.” She forces a smile, but she can’t hide the pain in her eyes. Not from me.
“Ray, she asked for my number so we can exchange notes. That’s all it is.”
Alanna nods and looks back at the soup she’s making. “Is she pretty?”
What? What am I supposed to say to that? “No? I’m not sure.”
“You’re not sure?” she repeats. “You’ve seen her before, right? Do you think she’s pretty?”
Is she…jealous? I can’t help but smile at the thought of it. She and I have been dancing around each other, both of us well aware that we can’t cross the line, but every once in a while she slips up, and I love it when she does. I love it when she shows me how deeply she cares.
“No, Ray. I don’t think she’s pretty.”
Her shoulders slump in relief, and she smiles. “Oh,” she says, trying to act nonchalant when she can’t keep her smile off her face.
I’m done for. I’m falling for her, and no matter how hard I resist, I can’t stop. I can’t stop wanting more of her. More of her smiles, more of her company, more of her touch.
I can’t stay away… but I have to.
ChapterTwelve
Alanna
I sit up when I hear the front door open, my eyes wide. I don’t remember the last time Dad made it home for dinner. It’s been months since we even had a real conversation.
“Alanna, sweetheart.”
