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But for some reason, I was now suddenly stuck back in the head of Old Forest. Stressed Forest, overthinking Forest, who had no life and could only work and make plans to destroy his half-brother. Well, I was still that Forest, really. The only difference was Ria.
I needed to get her out of my head. I doubted myself around her. I liked her so much – I loved her, in fact. But right now, it made me feel inadequate, it made me doubt myself, and that made me lose sight of my intuition, and lose the trust in myself thatshehad helped me build.
Letting go, it turned out, was a double-edged sword.
I didn’t like feeling inadequate. As Ria had put it early on in our relationship, I didn’t like doing things that I was bad at. And I was bad at relationships. I was bad at having feelings.
So, for the plan to succeed, I would need to sequester that part of me somewhere deep inside. Just for now. I could deal with it later. But we had come too far to mess it all up now. And if our plan failed, and Apollo managed to somehow take me down, destroy my reputation like he had in the past with Jude, then I’d never be able to consider any kind of a relationship with Ria.
I would put my feelings out of mind. It was for the best. For both of us. Ria would see, even if she didn’t understand.
* * *
I successfully compartmentalisedmy feelings and managed to draw my focus solely onto the plan.
Unfortunately, Ria chose that time to approach me with what seemed to be a personal matter.
She drew in close, trying to catch my eyes. “Forest, if this all goes wrong, and something bad happens... there’s something I need to tell you first.”
I flexed my fingers. “Let’s not assume it’s all going to go wrong, shall we? What’s that called, manifesting? Is that part of your tarot card practice?”
“Somewhat... but I would really feel better if I told you anyway, just in case.”
“Ria. Be honest with me. Can this wait until afterwards?”
“Yeah, it can technically wait. I’d just feel better-“
“I’d feel better if I could focus on the plan.” I was a bit sharper than I intended to be, but I was in danger of getting distracted. “Sorry, that came out-“
“No, I get it. Don’t worry.”
She left.
A bad feeling settled in my stomach, but I tried to put it out of mind. Would Ria’s Grandmother say this was a bad omen, that having a disagreement was likely to make the plan fail? Karma, was that a thing?
No, I was doubting myself again. I couldn’t be having any of that. Push it down, Forest. Don’t doubt, just do. Trust.
Trust in who? Myself, and only myself. Ria couldn’t enter my thoughts right now, except for as a pawn of the plan.
It was hard to push away the creeping feeling that I’d made an error, that I’d fucked something up, but I managed it. Or at least, I thought I had.
* * *
The day came aroundfor us to carry out the plan.
I’d been at Ria’s for approximately two weeks. By this point, Grandmother was more mobile, and liable to somehow get in the way of our schemes if we tried to carry out the scheme with our base of operations at the family’s home. Instead, to assist in household duties, I diverted Mrs Jamroz to Ria’s place rather than my apartment, paying her handsomely for the temporary change in duties.
All bases covered, Ria and I traveled to theBrock Technologyoffices, where I’d booked out an entire floor for us to use as our base of operations. It was only going to be the two of us, plus Jenni, but I didn’t want anyone stumbling into the meeting room by accident.
Mandy had made the arrangements for us, including extra security. She met us just inside the entrance doorway to the penultimate floor of the building, above which were only our offices.
She held up her hands defensively as soon as we locked eyes. “I don’t want to know what any of this is about. I don’t want to know about your absences, your apparent alliance with one of our receptionists, and whatever is going on with this tarot-card-reading businesswoman. I’ve done what you asked, now leave me out of it.”
I grinned. It was good to see her. “I’d never dream of making you carry the burden of any Brock family secrets, Mandy.”
“Good. The safest secret is one that never enters my brain.” She saluted, then departed without so much as a ‘goodbye’.
Ria was scowling at Mandy’s retreating back. I took it that she wasn’t a fan. People rarely were fans of Mandy. AtBrock Technology, I had the sole pleasure.
