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That was why the pain of seeing him with Arabella was corking through her like a stick of dynamite.
It was why her chest felt like it had the weight of a ten tonne cement mixer pressing down on it. It was why her ears were screeching and her eyes were stinging and her stomach was rolling with waves of panic.
It was why adrenalin fired in her veins and she felt like she wanted to fight or scream or run and run and run.
“Here.” He reached for Ellie’s hand and placed the rock in it, then jumped off her lap. “Five more minutes, mummy?” He asked sweetly, repeating her standard refrain before she’d had a chance to offer it.
“Ten,” she said with an indulgent smile. He was thrilled – he didn’t know that this park was a refuge. He didn’t understand that they were hiding from home.
Her heart twisted painfully in her chest because she knew it was just a temporary respite. Soon, they would need to return to Xavier’s, and the life that was waiting for them, and somehow, she’d have to learn to protect herself from this all-consuming love and need.
She’d have to learn to at least appear not to care, when all of her was still as bound up in the Spaniard as ever before.
By the time he’d disposed of Arabella and gone in search of Elizabeth and Josh, he found them gone. And a stone of concern landed heavily inside of him. Worry perforated his gut.
He called her phone; it was off.
He thought of going in search of her but had no clue where she might be. Her house had been rented quickly after she’d moved out. Nell’s?
Where did she stay while in London?
He groaned, pacing the lounge room floor until finally, a little before six, the door flew open and an ice wind followed.
“Elizabeth,” he sounded angry, yet he wasn’t. Concern and the bastard of a headache were robbing him of the ability to think straight.
She flinched.
He tried to soften his question. “Where have you been?”
She spoke calmly, and without meeting his eye. “At the park,” she said. “I thought I’d give you some space.”
A muscle jerked in his jaw. “It’s not what you think,” he said, impatiently. “I need to explain…”
Her smile was forced, over-bright, and brittle, like it might crack on her face. “I need to get Josh ready for bed,” she said. “He’s tired.”
And he became aware of the small boy, his miniature version, with huge eyes that saw everything, roaming from one parent to another.
“Let me,” he offered, the exhaustion in her face impossible to bear.
“No!” For a second, her façade dropped and she was shrill and desperate. She shook her head, clearing the tone from the air. “I want to do it. Excuse me.”
She reached down for Josh and lifted him, holding him close as though he were her salvation.
It took Xavier several moments to gather his thoughts. “I’ll make his dinner…”
“We ate while we were out.”
He compressed his lips and resumed pacing, waiting, impatient, frustrated and still reeling from his conversation with Arabella.
By the time Elizabeth returned to the lounge area, her face was drawn. “I only came to get a cup of tea,” she murmured, moving to squeeze past him.
“Listen to me,” he pleaded urgently.
“It’s fine. I don’t know why I was surprised. You cheated on her with me and now… you’re seeing her again. It’s fine. It doesn’t matter.”
“Would you stop for one damned second?” She flinched again and he cursed inwardly. He needed to do this quickly, like ripping off a bandaid. “I called Arabella because I’d had a strange recollection this morning, and I had no idea if it was true or not. It’s hard to know, sometimes. My memories are like ghosts, shimmering in front of me, sometimes make-believe, figments of imaginations, or memories of dreams. Other times, true, but incomplete, so I have an impression of something that occurred but no clue as to the circumstances surrounding it.”
Her eyes were cool when they sliced to his. “I don’t want to hear it.”
