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Alicia’s eyes widened and he saw the struggle in them. A moment later, she shook her head slowly. ‘But you have. Lots of women.’
‘Yes.’
She flinched, and now he could take absolutely no pleasure from her response. Guilt flamed him. ‘Physically yes. But I have never become emotionally close with another woman. Not since you.’
Frustration was obvious on her features and then she stood, almost tumbling him backwards, but he gained his balance and stood also. ‘So? Nor have I. I haven’t been with anyone else since you, Graciano. And before you get ahead of yourself, I don’t mean that to stoke your ego. It wasn’t about you,’ she said. Then, wavering a little, ‘Not directly. You broke my heart. You broke it so completely. How could I ever give it to someone else? It wouldn’t work. I could never trust another man. I could never let myself believe...in happy endings and roses and romance and promises.’ She shook her head angrily. ‘Every day with Annie was both a privilege and a torment. I have loved her so much, from the moment I learned I was pregnant, but she has been a constant reminder of you, too.’
‘I haven’t forgotten about you either, Alicia,’ he said urgently. ‘You are the only woman I’ve ever loved, the only woman I’ve ever truly given myself to. If I broke your heart, you stole mine, and when I left you, I failed to bring it with me.’
She spun away from him, his words not changing her countenance one iota. She was still angry.
‘Stop. Just stop. I’m not an idiot, Graciano.’
‘I know that.’
She turned back to him. ‘Then don’t treat me like one.’
‘How am I doing that?’
‘I know you’ve taken your time to get your ducks in a row. Did your lawyers advise you you’d never get sole custody? Is that it? So now you’re trying to ingratiate yourself with me to be a part of Annie’s life?’
He shouldn’t have been surprised that she believed something so low of him, but still, it cut deep. It showed him just how far he had to go in earning back her trust.
‘You don’t need to do that,’ she said, grinding her teeth. ‘I never intended to keep you from her. If you want to see her, that’s fine, so long as we come up with a way that works for Annie. That’s all I care about.’
‘Actually, my lawyers advised me—’ he saw her face tighten and quickly edited what he’d been about to say ‘—that it would not necessarily go as you imagine.’
Her eyes swept shut and he felt the fear radiating off her. He swore internally, moving towards her until she flinched.
He hated himself in that moment.
He had done this to her.
He was pulling at the threads of her life, after she’d fought so hard to piece it together. He couldn’t do this to her.
He sought for the best way to explain what he’d come to say and in the end settled on the simplest. ‘I love you.’
Her face squeezed up.
‘Ten years ago, you became a part of me, and you still are. I want Annie in my life and I want you in my life. That’s what I came here to say.’
He waited, his nerves pulling taut as he stared at her, until she shook her head sadly.
‘No, you don’t.’
He frowned.
‘The other night, at your place in Knightsbridge, you told me you wanted to hang out for as long as it took to get this out of our system. Before you knew about Annie, you were prepared to allow me only a very limited space in your life.’
He swore aloud this time. ‘What I said does not accord with how I felt. I was just too much of a fool to understand that then.’
For a moment, he thought he might have got through to her, but after a beat, she pulled a sad face. ‘Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a single parent?’
He shook his head slowly.
‘It’s hard,’ she said on a sob. ‘Every day. And it’s rewarding and wonderful and I know I shouldn’t complain, because you’ve missed so much, but you have to understand: I have fought to be here, to give her this.’ She waved a hand around. ‘I love our daughter, and I would always, always choose the life I have over what you’re offering.’
The rejection dug into him, making it difficult to breathe for a moment. But he wasn’t getting through to her. She didn’t believe him.
