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“I’m aware of the exposure.” She bristles. “Do you intend to hide me forever?”
“I haven’t been hiding you, dammit. I’ve been protecting you.” I pace away along the narrow galley, my jaw set. Because treating the woman that I love as a secret—no matter the reason—isn’t something I’m proud of.
“Once you’re out there, Dee…there’s no turning back. Your life will forever be changed. Your anonymity gone.”
“I know it won’t be easy,” she says. “A celebrity dating a non-famous person increases the hype. That’s going to bring all kinds of attention and speculation. Some of it will be unkind. Unflattering. Even mean. I get that, Mick. But I can handle it.”
“I don’t want you to handle it.”
“Because you don’t think I can.”
“We’ve been over this before, Dee.” I grit my teeth in frustration. “You’re the strongest woman I know.”
“I know you believe that but you don’t act on it.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means you won’t let me prove it.”
“You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.”
“I do, Mick. I need to prove it to myself. I’ve been talking about it with Dr. Roland.”
I zero in on that nugget to justify my defense. “You talked it over with your therapist, but not me?”
“You don’t exactly invite any discussion on this topic but that’s no excuse. I should have told you before we left the island that I didn’t feel good about starting our marriage this way.”
Her admission blisters. “So, it wasn’t postwedding blues after all?”
“No.”
“What was it then?” I scoff with a head on my anger. “Disappointment…regret?”
“That’s not fair. I don’t have regrets about marrying you.”
“I didn’t feel good about starting our marriage this way,doesn’t sound like a ringing endorsement.”
“I take responsibility for not being honest about my feelings. But you haven’t been honest either.”
“How exactly haven’t I been honest?”
“You said we wouldn’t hide forever and yet here we are, still hiding.”
“Stop using that word as if I’m ashamed of you or of us. That’s not what this is about.”
“I know. But sometimes, my insecurities get the better of me and I feel that way.”
Jesus. Her words kill me. “There’s no shame here, Dee. I love you and what we have, that’s what I’m protecting.”
“I love you too.” She holds up her left hand, the ruby and diamonds catching the light. “I took vows, Mick. I’m all in. Not just for better or for worse. For good. I want to stop sneaking around. I want to wear my rings in public. I want to be able to take your name.”
“I want that too. But going public comes at a cost.”
“So does hiding.”
What can I possibly say to that? I go with the inadequate. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want you to be sorry. This isn’t about blame. It’s about how far we’ve come. And where we go from here. You’ve just been presented with a tremendous opportunity. It feels like the right time to go public. And for the right reason. I want to share it with you, Mick, as your wife.”
