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Chris calledme almost every hour and well into the night.I kept my phone away from me and on silent.When I finally convinced myself that I could have the conversation with him, I picked up the phone and pressed his name.
“Camila,” he exclaimed.“What the fuck?I’ve been calling you all damn day.I even stopped by your place and nothing.Where are you?”
“Chris, listen!”I interjected.“I’ve been thinking and we can’t do this anymore.”
“No, no.No, no.”He repeated.“No, where are you?”
“Chris.”I called him again.“Listen to…”
“No!”He snapped at me.“Where are you?”
“I’m away for a few days.”I lied.“I just need you to understand, we’re done.Okay?”
My heart ached with every single word.I was the one ending it, but it felt like Chris had ripped open another fatal wound all over.Tears came to my eyes, and I fought to keep them from coming because once the flood gates opened, it was over.
“It’s not fucking okay.”Chris was yelling.“It’s not.Be a woman and talk to me face to face.Don’t do this shit, like that.It’s because of dinner with my mom?Is that it?What the fuck, Camila?”
In all of the emotion, I just lost it on him.
“It’s every fucking thing,” I screamed.“I told you no relationships.None of that shit.We’re holding hand, fucking coming up with routines, cooking dinner, in each other’s bed every other night.I told you, I couldn’t do it.I told you not to do it.You won’t listen, Chris.I’m a broken woman.Okay!I’m not whole.I can’t do that sort of shit.I warned you over and over and you won’t listen.Now you have to.I’m not doing this anymore.I’m done.Don’t call, don’t text, don’t come over.I will block your number.Do you hear me?I don’t need this.You don’t need it.Okay?Find a woman that can make you happy.Like for real.It’s not me.”
Then, I hung up the phone.
That didn’t stop him from calling or coming by.Around midnight, I heard a bang on my door, then again at two in the morning.Hopefully, he’d left before my neighbors called the cops.The tears never stopped leaking from my eyes, and I only left the confines of my bed to relieve myself.With my heart ripped apart, I simply stayed in bed for almost two days until a banging on my door with a “This is the Police” being announced.
In matted hair, sweaty arms, and I’m sure stinky everything, I shuffled towards the door, unlocked it and looked up into the eyes of two officers.
“Can we come in ma’am?”the older one asked.
With no answer, I let them in but a third person slipped in behind them, and I saw it was Alexus.
“Girl!”she exclaimed and ran to give me a hug.“Are you alright?What the hell happened?”
My head nodded but then the tears started to come again.
“Ma’am, we just wanted to do a safety check to make sure you are okay.”They were looking around.“Are you here alone?”
My head nodded but their eyes kept moving about.
“Are you under duress in anyway?”The younger officer asked.
I shook my head in the negative as Alexus let me go and said to the officers, “She’s fine.I got her from here.Thank you so much.”
“Okay, ma’am.”They nodded their heads and exited my apartment.
“Come on,” Alexus said.“In the shower, I’ll get you some clean clothes, fix some food, and we’ll discuss what happened.”
I opened my mouth to speak but more tears just spilled out.
“Okay, okay.”She hushed me.“Let’s go.”
In that order, Alexus was like a drill sergeant.I showered, put on the clothes she laid out for me, came out to eat the grilled cheese and salad that she made, and drank plenty of water.The woman almost held my head back to force me to consume everything.Then she said, “Spill.”
My eyes met hers and I told her.From the beginning to the end.I told her why, how, and stupid I was over the past six months to fall for a damn man, who had proven to be more than a friend.Someone I could count on and I just ended things because it had grown to be too much.I couldn’t do a repeat of Calvin.
The tears streamed down my face and the more that I thought about it, the worse it grew.Alexus looked at me with empathetic eyes and said the very thing I hadn’t even thought of.
“Camila, I was where you are.This exact place where you think all hope is lost, no one will ever take you for who you are, and feeling like you’re the biggest failure in the world.”She pointed to me.“I was right there.At a table in my dining room and it was Devin, who gave me a card and told me aboutHeart Alliance.He said it was a place for people like me, where people can go and talk.He hoped that I’d come to him but even if I didn’t, that I’d talk to somebody.You know me.I’m no more equipped to handle this sort of break down as I still manage my own, but I know and you know,Heart Alliancehelped me.So, don’t you think it’s time for you to start taking heed?”
