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“If you don’t want to be married to me, it’s okay. I understand, but,” he sobbed softly, holding her close. “I never wanted to hurt my best friend…”
Emily looked up at him, seeing the tears on his cheeks and his bright green eyes full of pain and rejection.
“Wait… you think that Idon’twant to be married to you?” she asked tearfully.
“I get it,” he replied openly. “You’ve seen where I come from. I’ve got nothing, and that’s why I never dated or even considered marriage. I mean, Emily… I’ve screwed up and ruined your life in the process. I can’t say ‘I’m sorry’ enough to make things right.”
“Youdon’t want to be married tome, remember?”
“Ican’tbecause I’m committed to the Air Force for several more years and I have nothing to my name. Why would I drag any woman down, much less one that I care about?”
“John… we need to stop and just think.”
“Let’s talk about this,” he began, nodding and sniffing painfully. “Please don’t run from me. Let’s get some coffee, I can put some shorts on instead of this towel, and let’s talk about what happened.”
“I’ll make a second cup of coffee.”
She nodded, wiping her eyes… and saw his tearful smile.
“What?”
“You know, it could always be worse…?”
“What do you mean? This is pretty high up there on the ‘You-can-panic-list’that I have going in my mind right now.”
“You can take off your ring, or you could keep your last name instead of taking Masden. You could even hide what happened to your family easily…”
“I guess I could…” Emily hedged, and looked at him curiously. “Did something happen where you can’t do the same?”
John held up his left hand – and on his ring finger was her name, tattooed there permanently in bright blue ink on his finger for anyone to see.
“You can’t have tattoos on your hand in the Air Force,” he smiled wanly. “I’ve got to buy a wedding band, regardless of what happens next or what you choose to do.”
* * *
Emily grabbedher coffee as John moved about the room, digging out some jeans from his bag, before changing in the bathroom. He emerged and immediately didn’t say a word, making his way to get the chocolate-scented T-shirt off the bed.
Apparently, they’d bought two – one for each of them.
He walked over to her side silently where she sat perched on a barstool beside the breakfast bar of the kitchenette. She had a notepad from the hotel before her with two columns written stating ‘Pros’ and ‘Cons’…
The Pros for her were easy to list, and flowed.
John is mine
A possible family someday
Never alone
Best friend
Love… eventually?
On her list of Cons, she only had one thing listed… and it hurt to even write it out. Her hand shook as she wrote the painful truth on the piece of paper that would not be hidden from John.
No, the idea was to list the ‘Pros’ and ‘Cons’ so they could figure out what to do next. There was no sugarcoating this – it was a time for several hard truths between them to figure out what to do next.
He doesn’t want to be married to me
