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“I think my water just broke… or I wet the bed.”
“Well then, that’s pretty much a done deal – we are going to the hospital.”
“Luke?”
“Yeah, babe?”
“I’m scared,” she admitted in a low, hushed voice for the first time since she had become pregnant.
It nearly broke his heart.
His beloved wife was fearless and always had been, charging forward into every moment of her life with an aggression and openness that was incredible to behold… yet here?
In these tiny, dark moments, alone and away from the world – she was letting him in once again.
… Revealing her innermost mind, heart, and soul.
“I know you are, my love,” he whispered, sitting beside her on the bed. “I am too, but you will never go through this alone. You will be surrounded by friends and family…”
“But that’s just it,” she began tearfully. “You’ll be there – but Idogo through this alone and no one can help me. I mean, you’ll be holding my hand and sharing part of the experience with me… but this pain? This pain is real and no one else can feel it.”
“If I could take it from you – I would,” he admitted, pulling her into his arms. “I can make sure they give you something for the pain and try to keep you comfortable, but yes. You are right. I can only share in part of the experience.”
“I’m sorry,” she murmured reaching for him, and kissing his cheek. “I’m not trying to be mean or griping. I’m just blabbering on, because I’m afraid of how much worse this will get.”
He gave her a pointed look in the shadows, only to see her bright smile just before she laughed in understanding.
“Exactly!… I know it’s going to getmuchworse.”
“But it’s for a finite time – and then we get to say ‘hello’to our little one,” he began, smoothing back her hair from her face. “I’m going to get your bag by the door. Do you need any help?”
“Waddling? No, I’m good.”
“You know I would never say that you waddled…”
“I’m teasing you and…ohhhhhh… we should probably get going,” she hissed, holding her stomach again and looking at him with wide eyes.
Moments later, Luke was helping her down the exterior stairs of the building towards the car – having already texted both their families despite her protests at the early hour.
The next several hours were a whirlwind of chaos around them. Doctors and nurses flowed to-and-fro from her hospital room, checking on Nicolette and the baby. It was a little comforting, yet unsettling at the same time.
His beautiful bride was completely miserable, and he was seeing a fresh, new side to her persona that was terrifying. There was a very brutal, indignant side to his smiling girl he’d never seen before… and she was growing exceedingly agitated the stronger the contractions were getting to be.
Luke did not know that she’d signed a form refusing all medication prior to going into labor – and she was regretting it with a passion. He knew it was the discomfort and pain speaking, yet it was painful to hear her struggling… swamping him with feelings of guilt, remorse, and frustration.
“This… is… your fault…” she panted angrily amidst a contraction, clenching his hand and trying to ride the pain. Her eyes were wild, unseeing, and out of focus.
This was –and wasn’t– her true thoughts, but it certainly was humbling. She was saying things he was already thinking in his mind and heart, as he took it all.
“Yes, it is, darling,” he admitted, not flinching as her fingernails dug into his palms painfully because it was nothing like what she was going through – and was so animalistic before him, it was fascinating and terrifying at the same time.
He couldn’t look away.
“Alright, Mrs. Fuller… it’s ‘go’time. I want you to bear down and pushing with all your might when I tell you too, okay?” the doctor instructed and nodded towards Luke.
He was supposed to be her cheerleader, help her through these moments, and be encouraging… when, in fact? All he wanted to do right now was to tell her it was almost over and would be okay – and that he loved her.
None of that would help right now.
