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He moves into a comfortable position beside me, and my eyes drift over his powerful body. My stomach flutters, but instantly bile douses the sensation.
I shake my head and close my eyes to focus on keeping the horrific memories under lock and key. The darkness rears up,chasing the relaxing atmosphere away and filling the air with tension.
Nikolai notices the change and whispers, “Can I hold you?”
Needing his strength, I nod. Instantly his arms envelop me, his hug like a comforting and protective blanket wrapped around me.
He holds me for a couple of minutes before he moves me to lean against him. I rest my head on his chest, and he presses a kiss to my hair.
“The blood diamond business is ruthless but lucrative. Dealing with rebels, you never know whether you’ll walk away with a shipment or have to fight for your life. They’re unpredictable and don’t play by the same rules as the bratva and mafia,” he continues to talk as if I didn’t just have a mini breakdown.
“It must be stressful.” I hesitate before I place my hand on his abs.
A week ago, I would’ve been jumping out of my skin to have Nikolai sit and talk with me.
But it’s hard to find joy with the weight of the depravity bearing down on my shoulders.
“You get used to it,” he chuckles, his chest moving against my cheek. He clears his throat, then asks, “What was your childhood like?”
I let out a deep breath. “Nothing like yours. My father was hardly home, and my mother loves her margaritas too much.”
I feel his fingers brush through my hair, the touch soothing.
“What got you into painting?”
“Art class at school.” My mouth almost curves into a smile. “I lived for the hour I got to paint.”
With Nikolai telling me about himself, I want to give him something in return. “I don’t want to take over my father’s business.” I swallow hard. “I don’t want to be at St. Monarch’s.”
“You don’t have to,” he murmurs.
I let out a bitter chuckle. “I have no choice in the matter.”
His fingers keep brushing through my hair. “You do.” He places his other hand beneath my chin and nudges my face up so I’ll look at him. “You always have a choice, but let’s step off this subject so you can relax again. Tell me about your friendship with Aurora.”
I stare into his eyes, wondering where this version of him came from. Before the ambush, Nikolai was distant and sometimes downright cruel.
But now he’s warm and caring.
Why?
Does he know?
Does he pity me?
“Shh…” he hums. “Don’t get stuck in your head. Talk to me.”
I rest my cheek against his chest again and closing my eyes, I whisper, “I’d rather hear about your life. Is there something you love to do in your spare time?”
Nikolai chuckles, “I don’t have enough spare time for a hobby.”
“That’s a pity.”
I feel him pressing a kiss to my hair, and when silence falls between us, I start to drift off to sleep. I try to fight it because I know there are only nightmares waiting for me.
Nikolai brushes his fingers up and down my back, and it doesn’t take long before I lose the battle against sleep.
Chapter 23
