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Darting out into the hallway, I quickly walk toward the stairs and don’t stop until I’m outside. I press my palm to my churning stomach and aimlessly walk through the gardens behind the castle.
“Abbie,” I hear Alek call and glance over my shoulder. He jogs toward me, his eyes searching my face. “How are you holding up?”
Alek is the only person I can be honest with. He knows everything, and even though I wouldn’t call us friends, it’s easy to talk to him.
“I’m not.”
He gestures to a bench that’s in the shade of a tree. “Want to talk?”
We sit down, and I stare at the flowers around us as I admit, “It’s not getting any better.”
Alek gives me a sympathetic look. “Still having nightmares?”
I nod. “I’m exhausted.”
“Are you eating?” he asks.
I let out a chuckle. “Nikolai force-feeds me.”
Alek smirks at me. “That’s good.” His eyes narrow. “He’s been trying to get information out of me about what happened.”
My eyes dart to Alek. “What have you told him?”
“Nothing.” He tilts his head. “I made you a promise to keep your secret, but I think you should tell him. He really seems to care about you, and honestly, I’m not the right person to support you.”
His features grow dark, which I’ve seen happen often whenever we talk about the rape.
Gathering the little courage I have, I ask, “Did something similar happen to you?”
Alek shakes his head. “I’m not the victim in my story.” He glances over the garden. “The only reason I’m trying to help you is to repent for my sin.”
My lips part, my gaze glued to his face.
Before I can ask another question, he stands up. “Tell Nikolai what happened. The man is losing his mind from worry, and he’ll be able to make sure you get the help you need.”
I shake my head as Alek walks toward the entrance, then I hear him whisper to himself, “In my story, I’m the monster.”
Jesus, what does that mean?
I stare at Alek until he steps into the castle, then shake my head. I don’t have the strength to wonder about what happened to him.
And I have my own problems that are trying to kill me.
How do I tell the man I’m falling in love with that I was raped?
No, it will kill me if Nikolai pities me. I’ll never function right again, and he deserves more than the ghost I’ve become.
Letting out a sigh, I rest my elbows on my knees and cover my face with my hands.
God, this is unbearable.
My thoughts turn to Nikolai’s offer of joining him at his home for a vacation.
I lower my hands and glance around me.
A change of scenery would be amazing, but what if I say yes, and he expects me to have sex with him?
I know it’s not the only thing he wants from me, but one thing might lead to another, and I might find myself in that position.
