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Theo
“It hurts to breathe. It hurts to live. I hate her, yet I do not think I can exist without her.” Charlotte Featherstone, Addicted
I’mpacingoutinthe hallway outside of the guest suite that Mateo and June are in with the medical staff. They both looked so fragile as they walked in there, clutching each other tightly. The look of petrified fear on June’s face whenever a male moves towards her tells me all I need to know. I’m filled with rage and sorrow at what she has been put through. My father either raped her, had his minions do it, or both—that poor girl.
Two of the staff have already left the room, one of them to run some specimens to the lab nearby in town and the other to retrieve some more needed equipment. Mateo immediately refused Mary’s request to head to the hospital once he and June were brought into the house.What is he so scared of?Is he afraid that no one can protect them? That they will be taken once again?
Mary slips out of the room, her skin has a tinge of green to it, and even from where I’m standing, I can tell she’s trying to hold herself together. Her eyes connect with mine for a brief moment before she walks towards the family room and out of my sightline. Not a minute later, Mia walks past me, followed by Mary, down the hall to the office. Mia’s face is drawn, her head held high and back straight, the picture of power and strength, my warrior queen. I start to head in that direction, to follow them, but pull myself short.
I want to demand to be in the room to hear what is happening with Mateo and June. I need to know what they have suffered so that I can repay each and every one of their hurts on my father when I get my hands on him. I need reassurance that they will be able to heal from all they have been through.What, like you have?My mind whispers.
Fuck!What if what my psychotic father put them through, breaks them permanently? Mateo was already dealing with a slew of mental health issues before the abduction. I’ve had to keep my eye on him for over a year to ensure he didn’t kill himself, and that was before the unspeakable torture that my father has just put him through.
This is all my fault!Everything that has happened to Carter, Mateo, and June is my fault. Mia getting on my father’s radar is also my fault. I should have stayed away from her. I should have kept them all safe. I wasn’t strong enough to protect any of them. Look at what keeps happening to the people I love.
The door to the room opens, and a male nurse slips out, nodding to me before moving down the hallway. I slow my rapidly beating heart, trying to get control of myself.Breathe, motherfucker, breathe.I lean my head against the wall, forcing myself to count to fifty like the therapist Stella sent taught me, to try to control the overwhelming urge to lose my shit. I get to fifty and then start all over again. Once my heart rate has slowed, and I can take a deep breath without feeling like an elephant is sitting on my chest, I push the door open wider than the crack the nurse left and peek inside the room. I can’t see Mateo or June from my position in the hallway. An overwhelming need to confirm that he’s still here, that they are still in there and still breathing, fills my body.
I walk silently into the space, hoping not to scare June with my presence. I know that I resemble my father, and that must cause her distress. Fuck, it brings me nothing but self-hatred when I look in the mirror and see his features staring back at me. I wish daily that I could rip off my own face so I never had to lay eyes on them again.
Stella had this room converted into a medical suite with tons of equipment. Everything that could be readily needed in case of injury was sent here after Carter, and I returned from the hospital. She yelled at us all, a dragon queen making us all quake in her presence. She accused us of all recklessness. Indicating that, therefore, she needed to be prepared since none of us seemed to value our lives. She doesn’t know how right she was. I care nothing for my own life, just that of my fellow kings and Mia.I would gladly give up my own life to keep theirs safe. I tried to.
I walk further into the quiet room, the light is muted, and the space is calming with the sweet scent of lavender. When I reach it, the hospital bed is empty, and my heart feels like a dozen stallions are running at full speed in my chest.Where the fuck are they?I turn around and search behind me, but there’s no one else in the space. The door to the ensuite is wide open, but no one is in there either when I search it. I was positive that Mateo and June were in here. I clench my hand in my hair, gripping the strands tight.Did I imagine them coming in here?
A slight sound has my eyes narrowing at the closed closet doors. I advance quietly towards the doors and turn the handle. My mind screams at me not to do it, to leave this room. Fear slithers down my back, and I have to force myself to keep my hand on the handle. I turn the handle, pulling the door open in a rapid movement. What I glimpse there on the floor has my legs shaking and giving out on me. The vision before me is so pitiful and heartbreaking that it has me falling to my knees in front of the closet.
Mateo and June are lying scrunched in the dark closet on the floor, completely wrapped around each other and trying to take up the smallest amount of space. He’s cradling her against his body, with her arms tightly wrapped around his torso and her legs tightly intertwined with his. One of his hands holds the back of her head tenderly against his chest, while his other arm is a protective band around her slim back.
They no longer wear the dirty, bloodied, mud-stained clothes they arrived in. The medical staff must have given them the green scrubs both are wearing. June is passed out, her breathing making a wheezing sound with each inhale, but Mateo’s eyes open to half-mast and meet mine as he clings tighter to June. The sorrow and pain in his gaze has my breath catching in my throat.
I don’t know what to say. All the words of regret and apology I wanted to give him refuse to leave my lips. I did this. Maybe not by my own hand, but by the evil blood that flows through my veins. By bringing my father’s wrath down on all of us and making them all victims of his deranged mind.
A noise behind me has my body tensing and turning around, ready to do battle with whoever might be here and willing to cause Mateo and June harm. My mind is not reasoning rationally that no one in this house would want to hurt them. Instinct takes over, turning me more into a beast than a man. That is until my gaze meets ocean-blue eyes, and I watch as she approaches the closet—curiosity and concern across her beautiful features.
The thought that she, too, is a person I have hurt deeply enters my mind. My Mia, my warrior queen, who fights me at every opportunity. The image of the girl she used to be pops into my mind. I helped destroy that version, and this one rose from the ashes like a phoenix bent on vengeance. I really am my father’s son. A monster, who destroys everything, and every one good around him until all that is left is rubble, death, and destruction.
I watch as Mia peeks around the closet doors. The minute she lays eyes on the two forms on the floor, her breath leaves her soft lips in a gasp. I look at the vision of Mateo and June on the floor from her perspective. What is she seeing? Is she gazing at two survivors? Two desperate, fearful souls clinging to each other, or is she deciphering the utter destruction that the Saint-Lambert name and bloodline can cause?
Mateo has closed his eyes shut tightly. I noticed before that he doesn’t want to look at Mia. Does he blame her for being taken and tortured? I watch as he pulls June and himself further into the shadows of the closet, a pain-filled moan leaving June’s lips at being jolted. An indication without words that he doesn’t feel safe here and he doesn’t want us near them. I shove to my feet, pulling the closet door closed and grasping onto Mia’s arm. As she opens her mouth to protest, I shake my head, nodding towards the bedroom door.
She leaves with me, but I can tell it’s against her wishes. Once we reach the hallway, I close the door to the room, pulling her sullen form down the hallway. The fact that she’s allowing me to manhandle her tells me how much shock she’s in. Once we reach the office, I close the door behind us and release her.
“Theo…we can’t just leave them there like that.”
“They don’t feel safe, Mia. That’s why they’re hiding on the closet floor. They don’t feel safe here yet.” I rub my hands down my face, feeling like I have just aged a hundred years. When will this all be over? When will the people I care for stop getting hurt? I feel what’s left of my precious control slipping and my mind laboring with thoughts of vengeance and questions on how I will keep everyone around me safe. How am I going to keep my reckless queen safe?
“They are safe here; no one will hurt them.” I watch as she paces back and forth, wrapping her arms tightly around her body. Her jaw clenched tight, and her eyes wide.
“That doesn’t matter if they don’t feel it. They need time…and space, Mia. You can’t fix this.”
I watch as the color drains out of her face, and her eyes swim with tears. She’s hurting too. All these weeks of not knowing if Mateo was alive and the lack of knowledge of who took him weighed heavily on her. The various escape attempts from the property, searching for him only to be brought back here with little or no hope. She never gave up, though. She never stopped pushing her grandmother and Diego to look for Mateo. So confident in her gut feeling that he was still alive somewhere out there. She was right, and for her unwavering loyalty to my best friend, I will always be in her debt.
Now he’s here in her home, battered, beaten, and broken, and she’s struggling because she wants to fix him, to save him. But she can’t; someone else is holding him tight. Someone kept him alive and his will to live going. It just wasn’t her.
I witnessed her reaction in the car to Mateo and June and how they moved as far away from all of us as they could in the confines of the vehicle. Then again, when Mateo and June first entered the mansion and neither of them wanted Mia’s assistance. How Mateo pulled away from her touch, only to pull June closer. She was devastated, but she tried to school her features and hide her pain. But I saw everything, and it hurt me to watch her feel that pain.
I wonder once again if it wouldn’t be best for her if she left Casbury permanently and headed back to Manhattan to the safety of the Stratfords. She is a prisoner here, just like we are. She is hiding in her house, afraid my father or one of his associates will get his hands on her. Not to mention whoever is out there hunting my father’s minions down and slaughtering them could mean her harm—so many enemies outside these gates.
A part of me wants her to go, escape this madness. At least I would know that she’s safe and living her life. The selfish part of me wants to hold her tighter, control and possess her. She’s mine; I waged war with the devil and barely survived to have her.
