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She will never be safe here. You can’t give her the freedom and life she deserves.The thoughts echo through my mind as I watch her struggle with her emotions.
I should be pushing her away. I can’t keep her safe, and neither can the other kings. We have already done so much harm to her in the past. When she arrived in Casbury, we did nothing but try to control her, to bend her to our will. To my will. I know that the guys go along with the terms I dictate.Free her; let her go.The painful thoughts circle around in my mind, demanding that I listen to reason.
I know she won’t leave of her own accord. She’s the most stubborn person I have ever met, and that’s saying something considering mine and Carter’s predilection for being stubborn asses. I know in my heart that she needs to go back to Manhattan. Like I know that in order to make that happen, I am once again going to have to hurt her.This time you’re doing it to save her.
Pushing Mia away will be what destroys what’s left of my heart. I know I will be a shadow walking in darkness when she’s gone. The only thing I will have left will be my fellow kings. The ones that will be devastated when she leaves. The ones I will be helping to destroy with this course of action. Like all the Saint-Lamberts before me, I will destroy everything that is good in my world.It’s the only way to keep her safe.
So be it, then. I will hurt the only girl I have ever loved one last time—this time to keep her safe from us and those forces that mean to do her harm. I will never get to tell her that I have fallen in love with her, that she’s the reason my heart still beats in my chest. The only reason breath still leaves my body and I walk in the daylight.
I will have to become the monster I once was, one last time. After this, I will welcome darkness and death.
Chapter 41
Mia
“For there to be betrayal, there would have to have been trust first.” Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games
TheimageofMateoon the closet floor holding June tightly in his grasp is burned into my mind. The pain of knowing that he’s still frightened and feels unsafe here under my protection threatens to drown me. I turn my back on Theo and walk towards the window, looking out at the Atlantic Ocean and the slick darkness of the water. That cold, dark water calls to me, promising me peace and oblivion. A promise that once upon a time, when I lived in Casbury, I might have just considered.Am I still that girl?
It’s been a few hours since we rescued Mateo and June and brought them back to the estate. I can see my grandmother’s men through the window on high alert guarding the estate’s perimeter. Everyone is just holding their breath for what may happen next. It seems like it’s been forever since I last breathed a moment of solitude and freedom. Peace is a painful illusion, one that I won’t allow my mind to wallow in. We are here surrounded by war, with enemies wanting to cause us harm continuously.
I’m as much a prisoner as the kings are in this glass and steel enclosure. Just waiting for the next strike from that poisonous cobra, Vincent Saint-Lambert. Will we ever be safe? Will we ever be able to stop him from coming for us? It seems like that demon has nine lives, and death evades him at every turn.
Is it really a surprise that Mateo doesn’t feel safe here? After all, I haven’t managed to protect any of them. Vincent almost killed Theo and Carter. He would have, too, if I hadn’t made a bargain with a devious opportunist, one who now also has his claws in my sister. Now Mateo is hurt, too, and I know that I am to blame. Vincent isn’t after the kings. He’s after me.
The only reason he’s hurting them is to get his hands on me. What he plans to do once he has me in his grasp is the stuff that nightmares are made of. Still, I know I am the catalyst for all of this. The minute I came back here, I set things in motion that led to all of these horrendous events, not even six short months after arriving back in Casbury to seek my revenge on the kings of Casbury. Three of the four kings have been tortured and had irrevocable damage done to them, and none of it by my own hand. By an evil far worse than the desire for vengeance that rules me.
You got what you wanted; their reign is over. Yes, their rule is over, but look at the devastation that has been caused. Is this what I wanted? All those nights, I lay awake in my bed, dreaming and yearning for sweet, horrific revenge. Did I manifest this destruction?
“You caused this, Amelia.”
I swing around at the name that falls from Theo’s lips. My heart hammers in my chest painfully, and my hackles rise as those words leave his firm mouth. I watch as he moves further into the room but keeps his distance from me. His face is a hard, unreadable mask, and his dark blues are cold and unrelenting, much like the ocean out my window.
I take a couple of deep breaths to compose myself. Straightening my spine and releasing my clenched hands. So he knows who I am.Is that who you really are, though?Whether I am Amelia Hamilton or Mia Stratford right now doesn’t matter. I need to be strong and show him that I am a survivor. A warrior that will not back down at his words. His words are sharp and land like wounds, exactly as he intended. I know I am to blame. I just didn’t believe he would voice it.
A smirk crosses those strong lips, and he gnashes his teeth at me. The predator that I’ve always known he really is, making an appearance before me. For a moment, I hesitate. Fear fills me with the knowledge that he knows. Then my grandmother’s voice skates across my mind.“You are a Stratford now; no one can hurt you.”She’s right, of course; the only way Theo or anyone else can hurt me is if I allow it.
“When did you realize?” I narrow my eyes at him and watch his gleaming eyes stare back at me with malice. An emotion I never thought I would see again in his eyes or on his face directed at me. Where is the Theo who went through the fires of hell to return to me? This man in front of me is not him, or at least not the part of him that owns a part of my beating heart.
“Not until recently. You hid it pretty well, Amelia. Looking at you now, the beauty you have become. I would have never guessed you were that pitiful, overweight, destitute girl. The one we used to love to hurt. How the lowly have risen.”
His words are blades searing my skin. Every syllable that leaves his proud lips inflicts a new painful wound. “How did you find out?” A bead of sweat tricks down my back as he continues forward until we are no more than a foot or two apart, and I can see the anger in the deep blue flecks of his eyes and the twitch in his stiff, proud jaw.
“Does it matter? You wouldn’t have been able to hide it forever. You caught us distracted and too preoccupied with keeping ourselves alive than to delve deeper into who you really are. But some truths can’t stay hidden forever, can they, Amelia?”
I take a step back from him and immediately regret it. I should not be giving up ground to Theo Saint-Lambert. He is a predator, but I am no longer his weak prey. Amelia Hamilton is nothing but a specter of who I used to be. She doesn’t reside in this body anymore, and I will not cower before one of the kings of Casbury.
“Do the others know?” I hold my ground as his hand rises to my face. His fingers gently stroke the side of my jaw in a warm caress. My eyes hone in on his lips as his tongue trails across them, leaving them wet and glistening. Even with malice gracing his face, he is beautiful to me.
“All of them except Mateo.” Panic settles in my stomach, but I keep my face neutral, not wanting him to see how his words affect me.
“This changes nothing, Theo.” He takes the last step between us, pulling my body forward by his grasp, which tightens on my jaw. His other hand snakes around my neck, his fingers flexing in a warning. Then his lips are meeting mine in a hard, open-mouth kiss that has me attempting to pull back and him smashing his unrelenting lips on mine.
There’s no kindness or warmth in the kiss. Theo’s lips meet mine with savage force and demand entry. His tongue forces its way past my teeth and lashes with mine before taking possession of my mouth in a kiss that has both of us losing our breath. I reach out for him, my arm wrapping around the back of his neck and my fingers tangling in his hair.
I’m losing myself in the kiss, my core heating and body softening for him. Theo has always been able to rip apart my self-control with his demanding presence. His other arm wraps around my waist, pulling me hard into his body. His grip is painful and tight against my hip, causing a whimper to leave my throat. His mouth swallows the sound and demands more of my lips. I can feel his hard erection pressed up against my stomach. The feeling causes my body to soften further and my core to weep. I want him; even like this, my body craves his. Violence and possession always seem to go hand and hand between us. This is our love language, and it’s destructive and all-consuming.
I need to stop this. I need a moment to think clearly about what this means, what the kings knowing for who knows how long means. How long have they been pretending they don’t know? Does it matter? It changes nothing.It changes everything!
