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“Mary says you can leave the medical room, that your tests are back and each of you will require further rounds of antibiotics to…recover…from what you have experienced…and caught in captivity.” She takes a few steps into the room, her head held high and her posture stiff. I’m cognitive that this is the Mia from when she first came to Casbury, the unbending queen. What she saw when she walked into this room has hurt her, but she will never give anyone the satisfaction of seeing how much.
I feel immediate shame at her words. She knows that both June and I have caught not one but two sexually transmitted diseases from Vincent and his lackeys. Does that mean that she is aware that June and I were intimate, or does she believe that I was raped too? I want to beg for her forgiveness, even though there was no way for me to stop what happened to us. I want to appeal for her understanding. But I’m standing in a room in her house, kissing another woman while she’s being treated like shit by my fellow kings. I don’t deserve her forgiveness or even her understanding. I’m no longer locked in that room with June, I’m free, and I know what I’m doing.
“The staff has prepared a room for you, June.”
June lifts her chin, her eyes meeting mine. I can see the genuine fear there. She’s still scared, and I know being here hasn’t put her at ease yet. “That’s okay…I will stay with Mateo.”
The thunder of anger rolls through Mia, and I watch as she tries to restrain herself. To force whatever it was, she was going to respond with back down. Her hands clench at her side, and her nostrils flair.Damn it, Mia, filled with jealousy, is a sight to behold. If this goddamn situation weren’t so messed up, I would even tease her about it. But right now, I don’t have the balls or the right.
“I see.” Mia grits out the words between clenched teeth. “Is that what you think is best, Mateo?”
She throws the question at me like a dagger. Leaving it in my court to decide between the two of them. That’s what this is; it’s not about a room. It’s a declaration of which girl I’m going to be with. I’m a fucking chew toy between them. My anxiety is rising inside of me. I don’t want to fight with Mia; that is a battle I will not win. I also don’t want to hurt either of them.What the hell do I do here?
Theo’s voice trails in my mind,“it’s the only way to protect her, to push her away.”My heart aches with the knowledge that I am about to hurt her to try to save her. No matter what I might desire, I have to put Mia first. She’s my everything; I can never let Vincent Saint-Lambert get his hands on her.
The words feel hollow, leaving my lips, and my throat threatens to close. “Yes, it would be best if June stayed with me in my room.” I see the satisfaction on June’s face from the corner of my eye. She got what she wanted, regardless of the intention behind my words. I just lied to the girl I’m in love with and to the one who helped keep me alive. There is no bigger piece of shit in this house right now than me.
Mia hesitates for a moment; I can almost see her mind strategizing whether she can demand my obedience. I almost wish she would. In the end, I watch her nod her head, turn on her heels, and leave the room.
What the fuck have I just done? She will never forgive me; she will never take me back after this. I wish a hole would open in the ground and swallow me. I purposely hurt the girl I love and deceived another one I care about. No part of this is correct. None of this makes sense to my heart. With just my words, one fucking sentence, I know I have destroyed what was between Mia and me forever.
How am I going to live without her?
Chapter 46
Mia
“I look those haters straight in the eye, keep my chin up and shoulders back. Because I know I’m a fierce queen – and they know it, too.” Alyssa Edwards
Ihavetogetout of here! I have to get the fuck off this property and away from these kings of Casbury that mean to destroy me with one cruel word at a time. I’ll hold myself together until I can escape the confines of the house. I won’t dare give them any more ammunition to use against me. My heart breaking into fragmented pieces at their entitled feet would be just that.How lowly we have fallen once again, my mind cackles. We reached too high, and the fall is devastating.
I can’t bear to be in the same room with any of them, knowing that all four of them hate me. Hate me for being the girl I no longer am and for withholding the truth of my identity.
The image of Mateo kissing June runs through my mind. How tender they were holding each other. Her words were softly spoken, telling him that she loved him. That she needed him, and he never once opened his mouth to contradict her. To tell her that he was with me, that he loved me.
I didn’t think my heart could shatter more painfully than it did yesterday. Karma decided to pull the whole - hold my beer bitch, and fuck me royally with a ten-foot pole today. Watching a man I have spent weeks losing my mind over and harming myself to find, kiss another woman and accept her words of love in my fucking house! The one I used to shelter them from their enemies.
Mateo never loved me. None of them have ever loved me.Maybe they were all deceiving me just like I was them.Don’t lie to yourself now; you know this was real for you. Accept that you played the game and lost.This was all a horrific charade on their part. They needed protection from Vincent and Mack, so they came to me. Their obedience and desire were always linked to how far I would go to protect them. This was never real, and I am a bloody fool. I was no queen on the board; I was a pawn at the hands of kings.
Theo’s words echo in my mind.“I think you came here to do the most damage you could, Mia, and you succeeded. The four kings of Casbury broken at your feet, three of them tortured in far worse ways than we ever did to you.”
I did that. I caused that by coming back to Casbury. All my plans for vengeance caused the utter destruction of those four guys and of my own heart. Look at how quickly all four of them have turned on me. None of it was real, at least not on their part. I can believe they have feelings for me, but not to the extent I thought they did. Not to warrant all the sacrifices that I have made and the betrayal I just suffered.
I should have never come back here. Casbury is a cancer, one that means to invade me and destroy my heart and sanity. If I allow these wounds they keep inflicting to fester, it will mean the end of Mia Stratford, just like they brought upon the end of Amelia Hamilton.
I need to come to terms with the fact that I lost. I lost my well-thought-out attack. I lost my thirst for vengeance. In the process, I have lost myself.Who am I now? Who is the girl that fell in love with her enemies? I was safe in Manhattan; I was revered as a queen. I returned here wanting to grab the throne and reign as a pompous queen, and look at me now.
My grandmother was right to worry about me. I have lost my ability for self-preservation. I bargained myself to not only her but also to Diego. Now I will forever be tied to one or the other, and they will control my future. How lowly I have fallen, the Stratford princess, destroyed and humbled by the kings of Casbury.Is your heart bleeding yet, or just your knees from falling too low?My mind taunts me.
Both my heart and my knees have taken a beating in the last couple of hours. All I see are enemies where I once saw love and affection. I will not be brought low again. My only saving grace is that I will not permit them to watch me fall apart at their feet. There is still pride left in me, however, diminished it may be. The desire to protect myself from more harm at their hands is at the forefront of my mind.
In order to do that I need to get out of here. I need to head back to where I am strongest, to the place that forged me, Mia Stratford, and leave the site that destroyed Amelia Hamilton. Casbury is a curse I need to see burning in the rearview mirror.
I can’t force myself to go back in there and witness the hate in Theo, Mateo, Carter, and Finn’s eyes. I can’t face any of them. Not even my sister and Raegan with pity in their eyes or June with her eyes filled with satisfaction. I can’t let Diego see that I am weak, that will have the snake striking at me and forcing my hand.
No! I need to head back to Manhattan now.My grandmother will know what to do. She will be able to talk me off this ledge that I want to throw myself off. Part of me wants to go back there and beg their forgiveness, beg them to love me. My pride is teetering on a cliff; once it falls off the precipice, I will never get it back.
I send a quick text to Raegan. I know she will be angry with me for leaving without saying goodbye, but hopefully, she can come to visit me in Manhattan once the dust settles and I glue the shattered pieces of my heart back together again. Right now, I can’t force myself to return to the house, call it weakness, or running. I don’t give a damn. I have nothing of myself left to give, I need to save all the broken pieces of my tragic heart so that I can rebuild myself into a stronger version, one who will never let her guard down again.
