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“He will never stop hunting her and us, Mateo. We need her to go back to Manhattan, to the safety of the Stratfords. It’s the only way to protect her.” I whisper, looking around the room to make sure Isabella, Raegan, or that snake Diego aren’t here listening in on our conversation.
“You’re delusional if you think you can make Mia do anything. All you’re doing by hurting her is turning her once again against us and hurting yourselves.” He leans forward, staring at me, his face still pale and covered in healing cuts and bruises. “You’re not a fool, Theo, but you sure are acting like it.”
“You honestly don’t care that she’s been lying to us all this time?” Carter inquires from his side of the table. Confusion crosses his features. He can’t fathom that Mateo isn’t affected by the fact that Mia has been lying to us for months. His pride is hurt and he’s wallowing in it.
“When you were held captive in that dungeon, did you think about her, Carter? Was she your reason to keep going? How about you, Theo? In that dark cave of your mind, who pulled you out? Would it have mattered then that she once had another name?”
Carter and I stare at each other, already knowing the answer to Mateo’s questions. It wouldn’t have mattered what her name was in the past. The name I was calling into the darkness was Mia’s. She was my guiding light; she was my tether in the darkness.
“And you, Finn, you weren’t captured, but she was your best friend then, the one you turned on and let us hurt. How does it not destroy you to watch us repeating fucking history once again?”
“What about you, Mateo? Was she who kept you alive? The need to get back to her?” Finn inquires while staring at June. We watch as she, too, stares up at Mateo, obviously invested in his answer to Finn’s question.
“At first, yes. Mia was all I could think about; she was my only thought and prayer.” Mateo’s eyes turn glassy, and he looks lost in memory. “I never stopped thinking about her. I never stopped wanting to return to her and you three. But I also had June.” He stares down at June, leaning his chin against the top of her head. “I needed to protect June and get her to safety. I had to put my own feelings aside and make her my priority. It doesn’t mean I care less for Mia; it just means my will to live and to get the fuck out of there had a new meaning.”
I watch the small smile crossing June’s face. She’s pleased and relieved at Mateo’s answer. They have obviously formed a bond in captivity all those weeks. The issue is Mateo is not outright choosing her. I know his feelings for Mia run deep and that they are genuine; otherwise, he wouldn’t be sitting here giving us shit for what we are recklessly doing to her. Will he really give up Mia for June? There is no way that Mia will allow him to have both.
Mia may feel genuine sorrow for what June has endured at my father’s hands, but she won’t play second fiddle to any other girl. What she’s experienced so far since Mateo has come back is precisely that. I can see her restraint, holding herself back from saying anything to Mateo based on how injured and traumatized June and him are. At some point, though, that understanding will wane.
I wonder if Mateo even realizes the message he’s sending her. Maybe he needs to make a decision about whether his feelings have now changed and if it is June that he wants. They have a bond formed from trauma. Now that they are no longer in danger, will it change?
“Fuck, my face hurts from Raegan and Issy beating on me. I don’t think I can take any more of that shit. We don’t want to make enemies of those two.” Finn sighs and gingerly rubs at his swollen nose. Mary said it wasn’t broken when she checked, but she didn’t seem very charitable or concerned by our injuries either. It wouldn’t surprise me if the staff is all acutely aware of what is going on here right now. It’s a big mansion, but it’s not large enough to avoid the tension and drama that is centering all of us. Mary’s loyalty will always be to Mia and we just becamepersons non gratahere.
“I think it’s too late for that now. Raegan and Isabella are fiercely protective of Mia. On no planet and under no condition will they ever forgive our actions toward Mia. We are doomed where those two are concerned. I, for one, vote to stay the hell out of Rae-Rae’s way. She’s a vicious little viper and Isabella has a solid fucking fist.” Carter stands from the table and walks over to the coffee machine, pouring himself another cup.
“We should rethink this game plan, Theo.” Mateo sighs, releasing his hold on June and eating his breakfast. I watch as June waits for Mateo to nod his head to the food on the plate. She’s waiting for him to instruct her. I get the feeling this will be a huge problem if she’s so dependent on him. She will never heal and return to her own life. She will cling to him like he’s her air, which wouldn’t be a problem if he didn’t already belong to someone else.Does he, though? Does he belong to Mia now that we are pushing her away? Do any of us belong to her?
So many questions and not enough answers. My chest feels tight and achy. I hate what we are doing to Mia and to ourselves. If there is another way, I will find it. I hope it’s not too late when I do.
Chapter 45
Mateo
“Repentance is not so much remorse for what we have done as the fear of the consequences.” Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Afterourtensebreakfast,I lead June into the media room, leaving the guys to mull over their stupid decision. Her fingers are wrapped tightly around mine, both our hands warm and clammy. I’m so confused right now. Her hand in mine feels right, but it also feels so wrong. Especially now that we are here in Mia’s house. We have been here now for just over forty-eight hours; my mind is finally coming to grips with the fact that we are safe. That Vincent and his goons aren’t going to walk through the door and torture us. That I am not going to have to watch June be raped again by those sick assholes or have her forced to fuck me.
Guilt fills me with the knowledge that we were forced into having sex for Vincent and those psycho’s entertainment. I know it was against our will. I would have never cheated on Mia willingly. I don’t know if she will see it that way. That thought brings me nothing but anxiety and kept me up most of the night. I can see how June clings to me. I know she’s still terrified, but I get the feeling it’s also more than that for her.
Her questions from the forest fill my mind. Did she want to know about Mia because she was hoping I wouldn’t return to her and would stay with her instead? That once we were free, and after everything we had suffered, we would stay together? I don’t know if that is what I want. A part of me wants to rebel against the thought of giving up Mia and staying with June. The hurt and insecure part of me wants to remain passively with June. Secure in the knowledge that she witnessed and understands everything I suffered. That there is no shame between her and me. She was present at the worst moments of my life. She experienced those moments with me. She was tortured because of me and my unwillingness to tell Vincent how to get to Mia. I protected Mia with my silence, and June suffered because of it.Do I want to stay with June? I don’t know the answer to that; my trauma is too fresh, and her too close to it for me to answer that question sincerely.
What about Mia?My mind questions. The thought is a never-ending circle in my mind since we walked into that shit show that my fellow kings orchestrated in order to push Mia away. How do I feel about her being Amelia Hamilton? Was I being sincere when I said I didn’t give two shits about who she used to be? My heart knows the answer, even if my mind is questioning it.I love Mia Stratford, who she used to be means nothing.Did she come here to hurt us? Maybe, but she never went through with it, and I know her feelings toward us four were authentic. Are authentic, or at least they were before my asshole brothers started their shit.
Can I afford to lose her out of my life, even if it’s to keep her safe? My heart tightens at just the thought of her walking away from us, of never seeing her again. I stare down at June, who’s watching me with a guarded expression on her beautiful face. Could I love this girl too?Not the same way you love Mia. My mind whispers. Loving June is born of a terrifying need to protect her and for survival. Loving Mia is everything. I love her mind, body, and soul. I love her with everything that I am and with everything that I’m not. Mia never made my weaknesses obstacles in caring for me; she embraced them. She never made me feel less than, always just enough. How can I let her go? How can I help my brothers push her away?
The realization that I can’t lose her makes me release my hold on June. I open my mouth to speak the words I know will hurt June. Before I can get a word out, she’s talking—her voice weak and filled with emotion.
“Mateo, I know you love her, but I need you. I…I can’t do this without you.” Tears slip down her bruised cheeks. “I love you, Mateo, and I know...I know you love me too.” June reaches up, her hand cradling my jaw and her other hand running through my shortened locks. The ones I hacked off to remove the remainder of Vincent’s grasp on me. She reaches up on the tips of her toes, and I lean my head down. Her eyes close, and her mouth meets mine—our lips touch, warm and soft. I open mine for the sweep of her tongue. For the barest of a second, this feels right. June feels right, but then my heart starts pounding in my chest, and my head starts to spin.NO! This is not right. We can’t do this to Mia.We are no longer under duress; we are free. I can’t hurt Mia this way.
I pull back from the kiss and stare down at June. I know now in my heart that this is not honorable. This is not what I want. I sought to protect June. I yearned for us both to get out of there and away from Vincent. This was never a part of what I envisioned. I have always wanted Mia. It’s always been Mia from the first moment I saw her in the courtyard of Casbury Prep.
A noise has me turning sharply, and instinct has me grabbing June and pulling her into my body to block her from whoever might attempt to hurt us. Ocean-blue eyes meet mine. Mia is standing there in the doorway of the room. She’s so still, her body locked tight. Her features are in shock; then I watch her wipe her face into that mask she tends to wear when she hides her thoughts from us.
I want to explain that it was nothing. That June, and I mean nothing, but I can’t. That would be dishonorable and deceitful, and Mia would see right through me. June means something to me. I won’t make light of my affection for her by virtue of our horrible experience. One that should have killed both of us, but here we are, filled with scars.
June clears her throat and shifts from my grasp, one hand on my chest in a motion of possession. I watch as Mia’s eyes observe the action, her jaw clenching and her eyebrow-raising. Mia doesn’t fucking share. She has warned us time and time again of that fact. Here is another woman, albeit a battered one laying claim to me in front of Mia. A claim that I am now positive I don’t want.
“Mia…thank you for saving us…and the medical care.” June’s voice comes out unsure. Her body leaning closer to mine, trying to absorb strength from me.
