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“So, what now?”
I shrug, reaching out but not laying a hand on her comforter covered body. “I’m hoping we can move on. Not forget, but learn and move forward.”
“It can’t be like it was twenty years ago,” Kiersten says, turning over. “We’re not those people any longer.”
“You’re just as beautiful.”
Kiersten shakes her head. “You need glasses, it seems.”
“What can I do right now to help you?” I ask, lowering my hand to touch her. “Do you still need space?”
She’s quiet a long time before she turns over to finally look at me. "Do you think the past is catching up to me?" she asks, tears pricking her eyes. “Like, long lost karma?”
I slowly shake my head in reply, keeping her gaze. It fucking kills me that the fear is so evident in her. "I'm the only thing from your past that caught up to you, my sweet submissive. Don't think about that."
She parts her lips to say something but then stops. I know she thinks it’s only empty reassurances. I can’t make it all go away that easily. The look in her eye is the reason I didn’t want to tell her, but there’s no way I’m going to say it. I don’t want to fight anymore.
“I can’t sleep,” she repeats, and I feel ashamed. I never wanted this for her. Never.
“Can I just lay with you and hold you?" I offer. “Just that.”
Kiersten nods and wipes away a tear that I didn’t see in the dim bedroom light. "Please."
I kick off my shoes and slide under the comforter, wrapping my arm around her from behind. I kiss her shoulder, inhaling her warmth.
"It's going to be okay," I whisper into the shell of her ear. Her only response is to hold onto me tighter. I didn’t realize how much I needed that until this very moment. I hold her until she’s breathing softly, finally on the path to sleep.
I’ve got a long way to go, though, for sleep to find me. Because the fact is, we didn't find the man who’s set out to threaten us.
Whoever it is, the man is a ghost.
KIERSTEN
Present
Irepress a sigh as the black-suited man with me hurries ahead to check the room before I can enter. It’s been days, and each day is worse than the last. I barely slept the night before last. Yesterday, I slept on and off throughout the day, keeping to myself in a guest room of Gabriel’s while he and Joshua tracked down a lead to nothing. I understand his wanting to protect me, so he can understand my cold shoulder when it comes to keeping vital information from me.
“Hughes,” I start, “We’re inside the club. You don’t need to check every room every single time.” Robert Hughes is a nice enough man, but I’m exhausted and everything about this is ... it’s too much. There isn’t a chance in hell that anyone inside these walls is a threat.
“Madam Lynn,” he says, not agreeing or disagreeing with me. At least he used my preferred name for the club. It’s maddening, and pretty much the only response he makes. I’ve known himfor years. He was hired by Joshua, so I know he’s a well-trained professional.
But I despise this Secret Service treatment. It’s not what the club needs. If word got out to members that there was something to be concerned about... it could cause irreparable damage.
I informed the staff that I was sick yesterday, but with security in and out ... I don’t think they bought it.
Nervousness pricks its way through me. Perhaps this was a mistake.
“Thank you,” I reply with a sigh, proceeding on. I know I’m angry, but it’s a displaced anger. I’m not mad at security, certainly not Hughes. He’s been accommodating, all things considered. I’m not mad at Joshua or Holden or any of my staff.
I’m mad at Gabriel. Hurt more than angry. I fell in love with him, head over heels like the naïve woman I used to be. And the entire time, he was keeping a secret from me. How could he have been genuine with me if he wasn’t even being honest?
Perhaps I’m hardened and skeptical. Perhaps the pain from the last time lingers more than I realized. I’m not sure. ... but right now, I need a little space. Maybe more than just a little.
Work is just that. But time passes slowly, and I can’t focus on anything. Emails pour in from employees, and members as well, asking if I’m alright.
Fuck.
I haven’t felt this helpless since... The realization threatens to bring up emotions and memories I’d rather not deal with. With a deep breath in and a slow breath out, I do everything I can to simply keep myself steady.
