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Hudson returned a second later with two bottles of water between his thighs, and he rolled up toward Peyton and held one out. “I’m not really a fan of the bottled stuff, but I’m still working on mastering multiple drink transport without making it look like I pissed myself.”
Peyton snorted a laugh, then flushed lightly. “Sorry. That’s not funny.”
“It doesn’t bother me,” Hudson said, waving his hand at him before setting his own bottle down on the table. Peyton tried not to stare as Hudson locked the brake on his chair, then deftly transferred himself to the sofa. “You can ask,” Hudson said gruffly after a beat.
Peyton shook his head. “No. I mean, not that I don’t…I’m not saying I don’t care. I just…that’s not…”
“Breathe,” Hudson ordered.
Peyton sucked in a lungful of air, then let it out slowly. His pulse started to normalize as his anxiety dropped into its usual quiet simmer. “This is probably why that guy was kind of a douche. I just can’t seem to fucking function in social situations.”
“You were fine before. Obviously he got you worked up,” Hudson pointed out.
Peyton licked his lips, then cracked the top of his water and took a long drink. The last thing he wanted to do was give this man ammunition to use against Peyton the next time he fell into a bad mood. But there was also something about Hudson that felt inherently safe.
He had no idea why, but his gut rarely ever steered him wrong.
At least, not when it came to trusting friends.
Relationships, well… That was clearly a work in progress.
Peyton finally just breathed out a sigh and sat back. “When I first got to the restaurant, he tried to order for me, like I was a fucking toddler. Then when I told him I had medical issues he got…”
“Weird?” Hudson offered.
Peyton’s mouth twitched at the corners. “Yeah. He kept watching me like he was trying to figure out what it was. The rest of the meal wasn’t so bad, but then he called me Chinese and when I told him I wasn’t, he, uh…”
“Asked what are you?” Hudson asked.
Peyton blinked at him. “Familiar with that?”
“I have enough people of color in my company that I’ve seen it more times than I care to,” Hudson said quietly. “Also, my mom is one of those people.”
His mom. The one who’d been responsible for that gut-wrenching phone call Peyton had overheard. “Fuck her,” he blurted before really thinking, then he went bright pink because he knew that wasn’t his place.
Hudson stared at him for a long moment, then burst into quiet laughter, hanging his head almost like he was trying to hide how amused he was. “Yeah. Pretty much.”
Peyton rubbed at his eyes. “Sorry. I’m usually a lot nicer than that.”
“You don’t need to do your whole people pleasing shit in my house, okay?” Hudson told him in a tone that was just shy of harsh. Peyton bristled because while he knew what he was like, being called out on it was always a little hard to hear. “You can call the bitch a bitch.”
He wanted to say that he didn’t know her so that might not be a fair assessment, but he could tell whatever the woman had put Hudson through definitely earned her the title. So, he just nodded. “And if you ever need to vent about her, I’m here to listen.”
Hudson looked at him with a raised brow. “Is that what we’re doing here tonight?”
Busted. Peyton knew damn well he’d deflected. “It’s always been easier for me to let someone else take over and put the focus on whatever they have going on. Every time I get like ten minutes away from a situation—no matter how much it bothered me—it feels like I overreacted.”
Hudson sat forward a little, leaning on his thigh with one of his forearms, and he gave Peyton a serious look. “I get that. Being raised by a person like my mom, I spent a lot of years trying to unlearn all of those bad habits. None of my hurt was ever as important as her feelings or me doing what she wanted. I thought it was normal for a goddamn long time. And I think maybe I went a little too far to the other side because I know what a dickhead I can be…”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Peyton told him with a gentle smile. “More like…grumpy asshole?”
Hudson snorted. “However you want to dress it up, you can rest assured that I know who I am and what I’m like. She’s the reason I tolerated my ex for as long as I did. Why I let him walk all over me and convince me that I wasn’t worth…” Hudson trailed off and glanced away like he hadn’t meant to say any of that.
Peyton wanted to reach for him on instinct, but he knew better. He squeezed his hands tight into fists and waited for Hudson to finish.
“Whatever this fucker said to you tonight, well, I’m not going to tell you not to let it bother you because I know how that shit works. I know that no matter how tough you are, it doesn’t just roll off.”
No, it didn’t, though Peyton had never tried to pretend he was tough. He knew damn-well he was going to lie in bed and over-examine everything Austin had said to him, and all the things he’d done to make Austin feel like hecouldsay the things he did.
