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CASSANDRA
Anxietysitsheavyinmy chest today, just like the looming clouds in the sky. It’s only the crack of dawn, but you just know it’s one of those days that won’t see the sun. I wonder if Austin will have nicer weather. I turn to Jasmine. “Thank you for driving me to the airport. I’m sorry it’s so early.”
She offers me a small smile, but I can tell she’s really miles away, deep in her own problems. “It’s fine. Can’t seem to sleep at the moment anyway, so it’s no trouble. Really.”
“You would say that even if it was a pain. How can you be so kind all the time? Especially with everything you have going on now,” I ask her honestly. She’s such a selfless person, not like me. I don’t know if it comes with being the youngest child or not, but even now when I know she’s troubled, I’m more worried about myself than I am for her. That makes me a shitty sister, I know.
“You don’t know the half of it.” She sighs like she really does have the weight of the world on her shoulders. The guilt kicks me in the gut.
“You know you can tell me anything, Sis. You’re the one who knows all my dark secrets. Don’t know if I can help like you always seem to with me, but I can hear you out. Be a shoulder to cry on. I do owe you.” I offer her a sympathetic glance, hoping she will open up to me.
“Thanks, Sis, but I’m okay.” She’s not. Even as she says the words, I can see her eyes are watery, and she is on the verge of losing it. Sometimes I wish I was more like Jasmine. She wears her heart on her sleeve. If she’s angry, she’ll yell, if she’s sad, she cries, and if she is happy, she radiates sunshine and the world knows about it. I’m just numb, I think.
She sniffles her tears away. “How are you feeling about this trip? It’s going to be awkward, right?” She changes the subject back to being the big sister and away from her.
“Nope. I just plan on ignoring him the entire four days,” I say with a shrug, like it’s no big deal. The constant pain in my chest tells me otherwise, but I can pretend.
She drops her chin. “Sounds like the mature approach,” she says sarcastically, and I know her therapist side is taking over.
“Really, I don’t care at this point. I was given no choice but to go on this stupid trip with the man I despise, so I don’t think I have any better opinions, do you?” I ask her, really hoping she does. She must have something up her sleeve after years of dealing with nutcases like me.
“Honestly, I have no idea. I don’t envy you, that’s for sure.”
“Right!” I shake my head, still not able to believe the predicament I find myself in. This year was supposed to be easy, no more study, the start of my real life, and now I have this asshole around me all the time taking me right back to the worst mistake I ever made, stopping me from moving forward with my life. I find new ways to hate him every day, just because he’s there, a stupid constant reminder of what I missed out on, when I wish he wasn’t.
“Cassie, did you ever tell Brandon about what happened, all of it?”
I look at her like she’s crazy, even though she can’t see my reaction because she’s watching the road in front of us. “Why would I do that? The only one who really knows what happened that weekend is you, and you swore you would take it to the grave.”
“I will, you know that. But don’t you think maybe now that he's back in your life, he should know?”
“What, so he can judge me?” Like I do myself every waking hour of every day. “No fucking way. I tried to call him back then for help, and he blocked my calls. He didn’t want anything to do with me. He got what he wanted, and he was done. Why would I ever have a conversation with him about what I had to go through because he messed me up so badly my life fell apart?” A dumb, life-changing slip-up that destroyed me and everything I cared about. I’m not reliving that shit to talk to him about it. I don’t owe him anything after the way he ended things with me.”
“You know it wasn’t that simple. Neither of us know exactly what happened when Dad went to see him, but we know it couldn’t have been good. He had disappeared by the end of the weekend.” She gives me a quick glance. It’s the one I hate. Like she knows more than me, she’s smarter than me because she’s older, what she thinks is right and I’m just a silly kid. Messing up yet again. “This might be your chance to put old ghosts to bed. It might give you the opportunity to move on.” She goes on, still trying to convince me. But I’m not going to hear a word of it because I don’t want to. I have no spooks haunting me. It’s a lie.
“I have moved on just fine, thanks, Sis. And I don’t need to talk to him at all.” My eyes drift to the road in front of me, so done with this conversation. Maybe I should have just gotten an Uber this morning. She’s wrong. I really don’t need to talk to him about anything that happened in the weeks after he left. If he were interested, he would have contacted me back then, but he didn’t. He moved on with his life, became some big football star, and forgot about me.
We pull up at the airport and I hop out of her car, pulling my bag from the trunk. Jasmine lets down the window, and I lean my head in. “Thanks again. I’ll see you when I get home,” I say with absolutely no enthusiasm at all.
“No worries.” She smiles kindly, knowing how much this is affecting me. “Cassie, call me if you need me,” she offers kindly, and I love her for it.
“Thanks, Sis, I will.” I walk toward the doors and turn back to give her a wave as she drives off. I take a deep breath; this is going to be the longest short flight of my life.
I line up at the check-in desk and wait, watching the people go by, struggling with luggage or screaming kids, and I wish I had remembered my earbuds. The airport is busy this morning. A strange tingle runs up my spine, and I feel his presence behind me before I hear his voice.
“Shortcake. How nice of you to save me a spot in the line,” he says, coming to stand just behind me, closer than I would like.
I had been hoping to avoid him until we were on the plane, maybe twist the hostess’s arm into getting me moved without him even knowing, but now that’s not going to happen.
I plaster on a fake smile and look over my shoulder at him. “I was hoping you would have slept through your alarm and missed the flight.”Petty, Cassie, I chastise myself, and I know it was, but really, why is he even trying to be nice to me? And calling me by what used to be an affectionate nickname when I was seventeen. It just grinds on my nerves even more now.
“I can see you're going to be on your best behavior this trip. I had thought you would be looking forward to a brief holiday with me.”
I swivel to face him. “Let’s get one thing straight.” I poke him in the chest with my index finger. “This isn’t a holiday with you, merely a business trip that I’m being forced to attend. I don’t intend to enjoy it with you any more than I would with a trip with Hannibal Lecter.”
He leans in closer over my shoulder, and I can’t help but inhale his scent, nostalgia washing over me. Why do all my memories of him have this insane scent that goes with them, his cologne and the smell that is just him? Sexy as hell, and just as dangerous for my heart. “I thought you might say something like that. You know I like a challenge, Shortcake. You make this a game of cat and mouse, and I’ll play. And you know what happens when I play—I win.”
His words send a sweep of arousal through me, and I don’t even know why. He’s impossible. I’m a total bitch to him, and he sees it as a challenge. But he also just told me he intends to chase me, and my stupid body likes the idea of that, even though my brain says fuck no.
