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She laughs, knowing it's true. She was never all that great at hiding her excitement.
"Dinner," calls Mom.
"Better get the kids ready," I tell her.
I walk over by the pool, holding up towels. "Time to hop out," I call to them.
"Five more minutes, Mom," complains Connor, always one to push it further than he should.
"No, Nana has already called dinner, and you two need to dry off and change first. Hop out now so you don't keep everyone else waiting," I tell him in a more serious tone.
They both whine but do as I tell them, grabbing the towels and heading inside to change. I'm lucky they’re good kids, most of the time. They’re perfect, really. I mean, we have our ups and downs, like all families do, and they like to push me on bedtimes and extra screen time, but they also do as they’re told when they’re asked and help me as much as they can.
While I've been getting the kids sorted, the rest of the family have helped Mom to bring out the food and set the table. Everyone is gathered out back around a large square dining table. I'm happy to see that even my father has decided to leave his office and join us for the meal. He's been spending way too much time in there lately, and I'm starting to worry about him. What could a retired movie producer possibly have to do in his office all day? Also, since the tension with him and Brandon over Cassie last year, he hasn't quite been himself. I'm glad tonight at least he is putting his past grudges behind him and being a part of the family. The kids come running out dressed but at each other about something. I sit them on either side of me to stop the fussing.
Jasmine is back next to Axel, slipping her arm around his waist. They look so sweet together, even though I know MMA-fighting Axel is anything but. “Well, before we start the wonderful meal Mom has planned, I need to tell you all some news." She beams. "We're having a baby," she says quickly with a squeal of excitement.
My family erupts into cheers and calls of congratulations for the two of them, and my mother starts crying, rushing over to them, her arms wide open. I knew she would. I'm happy for my sister. She has always wished she had a family, and she has been a wonderful stepmom to Hannah, but this is a dream come true for her. And seeing her excitement makes me feel like anything is possible.
After we all congratulate the happy couple, everyone takes a seat, plating up food, and the chatter is light and happy. I feel lucky to know that no matter what happens, I have these wonderful people around me. But it would be nice to have the love they share for each other. To know what it feels like. Yeah, I want what they all have so badly. Someone who cares about me, someone who puts me first, someone who wants to have a family with me. Declan never did. A year into our marriage he told me just that. He only ever married me because he knocked me up and I looked good on his arm. Those were his words on our anniversary. He was a real charmer.
I loathe him for everything he put me through, but without him, I wouldn't have my beautiful little girl, so I can never really regret my life choices entirely because I have her. I do wish things could have been different, that I was able to experience the type of love all of my sisters have found. That I had a real life partner to share all the ups and downs with. A guy I can share my hopes and dreams with, who is there to warm my bed so I don't have to suffer the loneliness of another night by myself ever again.
Today in the café talking to Heath about how to navigate all of this, I wanted to tell him how I really felt. Tell him that from the moment I found out that Connor was his, all I could imagine was us together as a family. But I can't do that, it's selfish. He has his own life, so it's not even possible. It's just a silly fantasy that I'm still holding on to because my life is such a mess. But if I'm being honest with myself, this isn't the first time I have thought of him and wondered what could have been if we stayed together.
I have actually thought about Heath a hell of a lot over the years. Every time Declan let me down, lied to me, or hurt me with his narcissistic behavior, and the kicker was the day I found out he was cheating on me and had been for some time. It was a kick to the guts after everything I did for him. And it left me filled with a rage I didn't know existed within me. I had trusted him, even though I knew I shouldn't, and I had let him deceive me. I knew he wasn't perfect, but who is? I had just stupidly thought he respected me enough not to embarrass me, and I never imagined he was capable of lying to me like he did. For years he'd been going behind my back with this other girl. He made a fool out of me, and then left me for her. Left us, his poor children that now have to grow up thinking they are second best to that slut and her child, his real family.
I can feel my face heating, the thought of it enough to boil my insides once again. I make sure the kids are sorted with their food and push my chair back, needing some space from the love birds.
I head straight for the bathroom, knowing tears are about to escape. The last twenty-four hours have been too much. I close the door and lean up against it, letting the overwhelming sadness leak down my face. How did my life become such a mess?
HEATH
"K,letmeknowhow you go with the police," I tell Della, wanting out of this conversation as soon as possible. The break-in is the last thing I want to think about right now. I'll deal with it when I get home, but she couldn't wait to talk to me again.
"When will you be back?" she asks in her snippy tone.
I walk the length of Mom's porch, enjoying the chill of the fall night air. "Next week sometime. I have a few things I need to sort out here."
"Things I should be concerned about, Heath?" She says it like she already knows what's going on. And I bet that Devon has already filled her in on what happened last night. There is no privacy in my life, not when we’re all so close. But I'm not ready to talk to her about it yet.
"No. Nothing for you to worry about. From now on, I want to know who is calling for me. You threatened to have a good friend of mine charged for trying to get in contact with me. I know you are trying to protect me, but I still need a life," I huff.
"What good friend? Some girl you used to go to high school with?" she demands.
"Yes. She was trying to get a hold of me for months, but you wouldn't put her through," I snap back. I hadn't realized how irritated I really was. But I am. It's bullshit. Even if she was screening calls for me, she should have taken a message and let me know she called.
"My job is to protect you, Heath. Do you even have any idea how many crazies I get calling my office looking for you with some sob story, begging me to get in contact with you on their behalf? My day would be wasted taking messages for you if that were the case. This is why we have this situation on our hands at the moment. You refuse to believe there are people out there who don't have your best interest at heart, but there are. This latest girl just let herself into your place because the security system was crap, and you weren't taking me seriously."
My jaw tightens knowing this conversation is useless, she won't listen. "Get a better system then."
"It's already being installed," she snips like I'm the one pissing her off. I have almost had enough of her attitude. She's starting to forget she works for us, not the other way around. "What did this one say? Let me guess. You have some illegitimate child from a teen pregnancy, and she only just found out the baby is yours?" she says, her voice filled with sarcasm.
The tightness starts to pulse in my head, and I massage my temple, trying to calm down before I explode and fire her on the spot. She remembers the whole story and fucking kept it from me and now wants to act like I'm the fool for believing it. "She told you all of that and you still didn't put her through?" I ask, red-hot fury building inside of me.
"She is full of shit, honey." She cackles. "They wait for you to get rich and famous, and you see all the gold diggers come looking for their piece of you." Her tone is bitchy and stuck-up, like she is better than the rest of the world, and I know that is her general demeanor and probably why she has gotten us so far to date, but I'm about done with it.
"Amelia isn't like that. I grew up with her, we were super close until I left for LA. She says so herself, she doesn't want anything from me. She just wanted me to know so I could be a part of his life. If that is what I want."
