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Her eyes flutter open, and she focuses in on me. "Oh my God, Heath, that was…"
"Yeah, baby, it was," I pant, still trying to catch my breath.
I pull out and let her slide down my body, back to standing on her own, a little wobbly at first in her heels. She adjusts her dress, pulling it back down to cover her ass. I discard the condom and fix up my own pants. Then I pull her back into me, kissing her again. I haven't had enough of her yet. She’s too perfect like this, in a haze of pleasure. And I'm reminded of another reason why I wish my life was a little more normal. This was amazing, but it was just one night, and I already know it can never happen again. Even if I wanted it to. I can’t ask her to be messed up in my life, it wouldn't be fair.
CHAPTER FOUR
AMELIA
IletHeathholdme close, enjoying the way it feels to have his strong arms wrapped around me. I have been by myself for so long I've forgotten how good it feels to have the comfort of a man's body drawing me in. He kisses my forehead, and the sinking feeling of regret slips in under my skin.
Oh God, how did I just let that happen knowing what I need to tell him? I'm the worst person in the world. It's already bad enough I have known for months and haven’t been able to get in touch with him, but when I finally do, I fuck him instead of telling him. What the hell has gotten into me? It was that line he said,Come have some fun with me, baby, just like old times.I couldn't resist. I wanted it to feel just like it used to. And it did; in fact it was even better. But now I know I have to deal with reality, and he is going to hate me even more.
He pulls back from me. "I guess we should get back?" he asks, not really sounding like he wants to at all.
"Um, yeah." I comb through my hair with my fingers, trying to fix it so I don't look like I have just been fucked against a wall. "I need to tell you something first."
His eyes go wide. "You do have a boyfriend?"
"No," I practically yell. Why does he think I would do something like that if I did?
"What is it then? I don't like the way you're looking at me, Millie," he says, worried, and he should be.
I fiddle with the small gold heart chain I have hanging around my neck, hoping that somehow it will bring me some good luck here. "I tried to get a hold of you a few times over the last couple of months. I couldn't get through your manager. I think she thought I was bullshitting her or something, but I wasn't," I stutter out, forcing the words through my lips.
"Della is pretty hard to get past at the moment; we've had some security issues. I had no idea you were trying to contact me."
I bite the side of my mouth, willing myself not to cry as I say the words that have been playing over and over in my head since I found out. "Yeah, I thought that might be the case. I’ve been desperate to talk to you. I was beginning to think it was impossible. I was so glad when you walked in here tonight. But you're here in front of me now, and beyond that, I just don't know how to say the words."
He looks confused, and I don't blame him. I'm not making any sense. "You can tell me anything, you know that. Time hasn't changed a thing, if the chemistry we still have proves anything. I'm here for you, Millie, just tell me." He takes my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. It's such a small gesture, but it's so comforting. It's been so long since a man has touched me at all, and for it to be him, it hits me in a way I didn't expect, bringing the tears I have been trying to hold back to my eyes.
"I'm so sorry," I whisper, the words I need to say getting stuck in my throat as tears escape and roll down my cheeks.
"What is there to be sorry for?" He smiles like I'm being silly. He probably thinks I'm crazy, having sex with him then bursting into tears like some emotional idiot.
"You have a son." I push the words out before I'm able to chicken out again.
He drops my hand immediately, like I have just burned him. "What did you say?"
My heart hammers in my chest so hard I think I might have a heart attack. "I only just found out myself, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all. But my son, Connor, he's yours."
He gives me one more confused glare. "How is that possible?" he demands, his words sounding panicked.
"My dates were messed up, and I started dating Declan two weeks after you left. It was just a rebound thing, but then we got pregnant, or we thought we did. I had no idea he was yours until doctors ran some blood test recently, and they picked it up." I can't get the words out fast enough. I need to explain it all properly, but I can't, I don't know how. It all sounds so insane.
He stares back at me a blankly, the color draining from his face. I know that feeling, that was me the day I found out I was pregnant in the first place. I thought my life was over. Declan was never the right guy for me, and after just a month of dating, I was pregnant and scared shitless.
"I'm so sorry," I tell him, not knowing what else to say. He has missed nearly ten years of his child's life. How do you apologize for that? You can't. It's a fucking mess, and there is nothing I can do about it.
"I need to go." He turns and strides away into the darkness.
"Heath," I call after him, desperate for him to turn around and talk to me about all of this. But it's too late. He can't get away from me fast enough. I bury my head in my hands, letting the sobs that I was trying to contain escape. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but nothing could have prepared me for how hard it would be when I saw the look of hurt in his eyes. I'm sure he will never forgive me for this. I know I can't forgive myself.
HEATH
I'mdisorientatedinthestrangest way. My chest is tight, my head clouded, with thoughts racing through it at lightning speed. From the highest of highs to whatever the fuck this is. Did I hear her correctly? Did she just say I have a son? It's been a fucking decade since I last saw her, so if I do, he's nearly ten. I grip hold of the fence in front of me, trying to get my balance. Why do I suddenly feel like the earth has been pushed off its axis?
Taking a smoke from my pocket, I light it up. I've been trying to quit, but right now, I don't care about saving my lungs. I need something to calm me the fuck down before I have a heart attack. Each drag brings me closer to a normal state of mind.
