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I just left her standing there, tears rolling down her face. Am I an asshole? Nope, nothing about this is normal in any way. Everything she told me tonight is fucked up, from the fact that it was Declan Bradley who she married to her son being mine. I hated that prick in high school. He was always chasing her, thought he was better than everyone else because his daddy was the chief of police. She told me herself she couldn't stand him. I guess that was a lie. I can't fucking deal with this.
I take another long drag, still gripping the fence like it's the only thing holding me up. I thought my night was turning around; with her body wrapped around mine, it was like a fucking wet dream come true, but this is a nightmare.
The last twelve months have been draining enough with all the shit that has been happening, and I have lost the enthusiasm I used to have for performing. I knew coming home would bring up old shit but nothing like this. I've always regretted walking away from her. Now I do even more. My hands tremble as I suck in another drag. What if I had stuck around? She never would have married Declan or even dated him, and we would have been able to raise our baby together. Our baby. My baby, he's my flesh and blood, and I don't know a single thing about him. Does he even know about me? I should have stayed and talked to her, found out what I could. But I was too angry to think. I just had to escape her and the way she was looking at me.
"Hey, I thought you quit." Devon's voice breaks me from my trance of what-ifs.
I stub the butt out on the fence. And turn to face him, surprised by how pleased I am to see him. He is the only other human I could deal with seeing right now.
"What the fuck happened to you? Last I noticed you were leaving out the side door with Millie, but she just came back in looking about as shitty as you do. She left with Brandon Lewis. What did you do to her?"
"I have a son," I stutter out, hoping that saying the words out loud to Devon will make it more real in my head. I grip hold of the fence, feeling like I'm going to pass out if it doesn't hold me up.
"Yeah, it doesn't work that fast, man." He laughs like I'm joking, then his face grows more serious when he realizes I'm not. "With Amelia?" he asks, confused.
"That's what she just told me."
"Yeah right, man, you haven't seen her for ten years, have you? You know what happens? Chicks try this shit when you get big so they can cash in on your money and fame. My bet is it’s bullshit."
I drag my hand through my hair. "Do you really think Amelia Harper, the sweet little Millie we grew up with, would do something like that? I don't really know her situation these days, just that she's divorced with two kids. You knew her almost as well as me. Do you really think if her life had turned to shit she would be desperate enough to lie to me about something like this for money?" I don't even know why I'm asking him, I know my answer. But I need him to say it so I know I'm not crazy and just letting my feelings for her blur my judgment.
"Honestly, the chick I knew, no way, man.”
I nod, agreeing. "Yeah, that's what I thought too. This is legit, I know it already." Even if her life was in a dire situation, she wouldn't pull a stunt like this to cash in. She loved me back then, just like I did her, and she still let me go off to follow my dream, knowing it meant leaving her behind. There's no way she would try something like this now. "If she says he's mine, he is."
"What the fuck are you going to do?"
"I have no idea." My life is insane. I don't have room for a kid, and I have already missed so much of his life. What if he hates me because I haven't been there for him? But now that I know he exists, I can't just walk away either. I had a deadbeat dad who left my mom alone to raise me. I could never do that, and I won't. "Did you say Millie left already?" I ask, more desperate.
"Yeah, man, with Brandon. Are they a couple or something?"
That thought pisses me off more than it should. But after what I just found out and even just seeing her again, I feel strangely protective of her. "No, he's dating her sister."
"Okay, no worries. I'll call our car. You should sleep on this, bro, don't go tracking her down tonight." He gives me a hard look. "Sleep on it."
"How did you know I was going to try and find her tonight?"
"You have that look in your eyes. Crazy determination. I’ve seen it before, and it never ends well. Call Della, she can find out everything you need to know, then tomorrow you can go see her. With a clear head on your shoulders."
He's right, I know he is. If I try and track her down now, I'll only end up saying something to upset her again. I'm still so confused and angry. As shitty as it is for me to find out about this now, I can't imagine what it's been like for her. Everything she thought to be true isn't. And the boy, he must be totally messed up as well. How would he even process finding out his father isn't the man he thinks he is. If Declan is still the asshole he was back then, maybe he’s grateful, but still.
I'll do as Devon says and go back to Mom’s and sleep on it, but tomorrow, I want answers.
CHAPTER FIVE
AMELIA
I'vebeenwanderingaroundlike a zombie all morning. I banged my hip on the kitchen counter like I haven't lived in this house for years and know where everything is with my eyes closed. The kids also found the honey in the freezer after I cleaned up after breakfast. I'm so grateful Cassie and Brandon stayed at my house, and Cassie has been helping with the kids today while Brandon catches up with some of his friends. I can barely function after last night.
I didn't stay for long after I told Heath the truth and he walked away from me, leaving me pantyless and distraught. I snuck back into the ballroom, found Brandon, and he took one look at me and the mess I was and brought me home to cry on my sister's shoulder.
"Kids are playing out back. Did you want a coffee or tea?" Cassie asks, picking up my half-empty mug of cold tea that I have been staring at for at least an hour. I kept hoping that somehow all the answers I'm searching for might just magically show up in there.
"Thank you." I try to muster a simile for my sister, but it's useless. I've got nothing. The reality of the last three months, or maybe it's the past ten years, have hit me like a freight train today. I'm so sick of trying to keep up appearances with a smile painted on my face for everyone else when I'm dying on the inside. I don't think I can do it anymore.
"It's all going to be okay, Sis. I'm sure once Heath processes what you told him he will come around and want to talk to you properly." She places a steaming mug in front of me, leaning on the counter across from me and sipping from her own.
"That was the only chance I had to talk to him, and I blew it. I let Connor down. Heath is all but impossible to get a hold of these days. I have been trying constantly since I found out, but there is no getting through that damn manager of his. The last conversation I had with her, she told me she would call the police if I didn't stop harassing him," I tell her. I never should have blurted out the reason for the call to a total stranger, but I couldn't help it. I was desperate!
