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“In the meantime?” I asked breathlessly.
“I’ll do my best to keep my hands off you.” He smiled as he said it, making my insides melt. As he turned away, I fought back the urge to grab him and pull him to me again. No, I’d made the right decision. Just think on it for a little while longer. Process it.
Suppressing a sigh, I picked up the teacups and put them back in the cupboard.
CHAPTER12
Zara
Two days later, I smiled at Ally as she stepped out onto the patio. “Good morning. How’d you sleep?”
“Great! It’s so quiet out here, I always sleep like a log. I didn’t wake you when I got in, did I?” She sat down on a chair, curling her legs under her, pulling her fluffy dressing gown close about her against the chill.
“Nope, didn’t hear a thing. What time was that?” I poured Ally a coffee and pushed it across the table to her.
“Thanks.” Taking it gratefully, she wrapped her fingers around it, closing her eyes as she breathed in the scent. “I came straight from my shift, so maybe around two?”
“Oh, you should have slept in some more!”
Ally shrugged. “Didn’t need it. What’s the deal with the kitchen? It’s a disaster!”
“Yeah, I’m moving everything to the guest house so it’s easier for Matthew to work.”
Ally shot me a penetrating look that had me squirming uncomfortably.
“Matthew?Hmm, interesting. Has he kissed you yet?”
I cursed the flush that crept up my neck.
“Oh my God, he did!” She put the mug down long enough to clap her hands excitedly. “How was it? Was it good?”
I got a faraway look in my eyes and a small smile crept across my face.
“Jesus, that good, huh? So what happened afterward? Tell me everything!”
There was no point trying to resist, so I presented the facts with minimal embellishment. When I finished, Ally was frowning. “So, that was it? You kissed each other three times, then you just said you had to think about it?”
I took a sip of coffee. “Pretty much, yeah.”
Ally shook her head. “I don’t get it.”
“I know you don’t. You would have gotten it on with him on the spot.”
“You bet your pretty ass I would have!”
“It’s…complicated,” I said with a shrug.
Ally snorted. “It’s not complicated. It’s just sex.”
“Not for me it isn’t. I’m not wired that way.”
Ally sighed. “I know.” She looked at me for a long moment before finally asking, “So what now?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Okay, let’s just clear this up, because now I’m officially confused. You told him you wanted to think about it for a bit, and I get that. But if you think it’s too complicated, that you’re not in a good place at the moment, that you don’t do casual sex and at the same time you don’t want a relationship right now, what the fuck is there to think about? It would be a straight no. But I’m guessing it’s not. It’s a maybe.”
I stared at Ally for a long moment. Because she’d just asked the million-dollar question. What was I thinking about? If I were completely honest with myself, I was thinking about kissing him again. About having his hands on me again. About the dream I’d had. About how that might feel in real life. Blowing out a breath, I said, “I guess I’m thinking about sleeping with him.”
