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CHAPTER34
Matt
Isat on the outdoor couch, staring at the ashes in the fire pit, oblivious to the drifting fog and the risk of rain. Bess sat next to me, her head in my lap, for once unable to offer me comfort. The memory of sitting in this exact spot with Zara in my arms haunted me. I was utterly helpless against the emotions twisting within me. She was gone. She wasn’t coming back. She obviously didn’t love me. I tried to console myself with the idea that at least now I knew. Better to tell her how I felt and have her throw it back in my face, than to continue on as we were, me loving her, her…doing whatever it was she’d been doing with me.
I heard the sliding door open. “Hey, bro.” Lucy, softly, carefully. I didn’t turn my head. “Are you okay? Everyone’s freaking out because you didn’t come to lunch and nobody could get in touch with you.” She picked up my phone, saw that it was off, threw it back on the couch. I felt her sit down next to me, her body angled to face me, felt her eyes on me. “Jesus, Matt, what’s happened? Are you sick? Is Zara sick?” I flinched at the sound of her name. “Where is Zara?”
I shrugged.
“Okay, so I’m guessing it’s to do with Zara. Did you break up?” She watched me for a long time, but I still didn’t turn to look at her. “Matt, if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on, I’ll go find Zara and ask her myself.”
“Don’t!”
“Okay, so it definitely is to do with Zara.” She reached out, brushed my hair back from my forehead. “You’ve broken up?”
I nodded.
“Why?”
“I don’t know. She won’t speak to me. Won’t return my calls.”
“Well, that’s bullshit.”
I smiled bitterly.
“You can’t get her back?”
I shook my head miserably.
“You love her?”
“Of course I love her!” The words were wrenched from me. I let out an explosive breath, the image of Zara in my mind tearing at my heart. “She’s this weird mix of fragile and tough. She looks delicate, but she’s so strong. She’s shy and quiet, but she has a wicked sense of humor. She gets this gleam in her eye just before she makes a joke, it’s the cutest thing. She’s been through so much, you know, but she just wouldn’t give up. Shenevergave up, Luce. Until now.”
“I can’t believe it. You’re absolutely sure she won’t change her mind?”
“Yes, Lucy! For Christ’s sake!” I couldn’t stand it anymore. “Please, just go away.”
She sat there for a long time. I knew she was looking at me, but I refused to meet her gaze. Finally, she got up and left, without speaking. I continued to stare into the dead fire, ignoring the drizzling rain.
CHAPTER35
Zara
“So, we’ve got three pretty decent offers here.” Nigel Parsons ran a hand over his smooth pate, almost wriggling in excitement. It wasn’t often a house sold so quickly, in less than two weeks. I figured he was already thinking about the new golf clubs he was going to buy with his commission. He looked at me, seated across from him at the dining room table in Ruby’s house. I saw a little shiver of doubt ripple through him, and I knew I wasn’t showing the usual reaction excited vendors must have at times like this. He pushed the three envelopes across to me. “You wanna check them out?”
“Give me a minute.” I rose and walked to the sliding door, shoulders hunched against the cold. I hadn’t even turned the heater on. Stepping out onto the patio, I was oblivious to the drizzling rain. I looked around at Ruby’s gardens, thinking about all the years of love and effort that had gone into creating them. Even though the whole reason for our relationship had been part of an elaborate plan for my mother’s ultimate benefit, this place was the only home I’d ever known, or would ever know again.
It was then that I realized.
I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let it go. Couldn’t bear to imagine anyone else living in Ruby’s house.
Squaring my shoulders and lifting my chin, I pushed my damp hair back from my face before walking back inside. “I’m very sorry, but I’ve wasted your time. I can’t sell the house.”
He heaved a disappointed sigh of resignation and pushed to his feet. “I see. Well, it happens. Let me know if you change your mind.”
I walked him to the door, apologized again and closed it quickly before he could try and convince me to change my mind. I went to the kitchen and put the kettle on, just stood there staring into space. What the fuck had I just done? What was I going to do now? Selling the house had been my last roll of the dice. Scrap that, it was myonlyroll of the dice. I needed that money to make things right. But when it came to the crunch, I just couldn’t do it. Were there any other avenues I could explore? Maybe I hadn’t fully considered all my options, knowing that I’d always had the house as a fall back. Maybe Matthew would help me. I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. No, I’d closed that door good and tight. I watched as the light drizzle outside turned to a depressing, steady rain.
Despair overwhelmed me. Fuck, I’d gone over that scene with Matthew a thousand times in my mind. My words, his reaction, the expression on his face, questioning myself. I knew it was the right thing to do, knew that I couldn’t give him the love he deserved. I was broken and there was no fixing me. I just hadn’t been prepared for how much it would fucking hurt to let him go.
