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I could walk away from the Corvo Kingdom, from Nolan, from Mother’s ghost—from all of it. Icoulddo it.
Garath’s last words to me whispered through my mind.
The kingdom needs you. Thepeopleneed you.
Did they really? Garath had believed so. Butwhy? What did I have to offer the people that Nolan couldn’t give them?
I tossed another stone into the creek.Plunk.
I was nobody, just a girl from a southern village who happened to have been raised as the queen’s daughter. Just a mother looking out for her son. Just a woman mourning her best friend.
Plunk. Another stone.Plunk.Another.
Where had it all gone wrong? When Fin killed Alastor? When I refused to run away with Garath? When I chose Alastor to be my husband? When I demanded Mother release the captive Healers and cut off the mass production of healing elixir? When I sat and waited for Fin at the solstice celebration? When he didn’t show up?
A twig snapped behind me, and I twisted on my rock, my heart suddenly hammering as I squinted up the dark hillside. Fin coalesced out of the darkness but paused, his hands raised defensively as he slowed his approach.
Only then did I realize I was holding up a stone as if I would throw it at him.
“Why didn’t you come to the solstice celebration?” I asked quietly, standing and turning to face him. I dropped the rock.
“I—” Fin lowered his hands, but his explanation seemed to catch in his throat just as his feet seemed to be rooted to the ground.
“I waited for you.” I took a step toward him. “I was going to tell you about the baby.” Another step. “I would have run away with you,” I said, taking another step. “We could have been a family, and everything would have been different.” With another step, I reached him. My nostrils flared, and my chin trembled. “Everything would have beenbetter.”
“You don’t know that,” Fin said, his voice hushed.
My hands balled into fists, and I searched his shadowed features. “Why didn’t you come?”
Fin let out a bitter laugh and shouldered past me to approach the creek. “I wanted to,” he said, his back to me. “I had planned on it, but when Jake and I returned to a slaughtered village...things changed.” His voice broke, and he bowed his head.
I hadn’t realized the attack was right before the solstice.
“And you thought it was Mother who ordered the attack,” I remembered aloud.
My gut knotted. Had he thought I was in on it too? All these years, had I been pining after a man who believed me capable of such an atrocity? I had to know—not merely hear him admit it, but to trulyknowif he had believed me to be a monster.
I approached behind Fin and took his hand, but he snapped his head to the side and jerked his hand away before I could get a read on him. Pressing my lips together, I grabbed his hand again, gripping it in both of mine before he could pull away. He stared down at me, his eyes narrowed to a glare that conflicted with the tsunami of regret I sensed within him.
In his mind, I saw him with his people in the desert. I saw Callon, Lyra, and so many others, all working together to survive in a place where the land itself seemed to want them dead. I saw his people looking to him for guidance and felt him brace against that heavy burden. I saw him fighting alongside his people against Ferals and bandits and soldiers alike. I saw him lose friend after friend, humanandanimal, only to drown his mounting turmoil in drink and a long string of nameless, faceless women.
I felt his pain as he returned to his village all those years ago, only to find that Autumn had been killed. I felt his rage at Mother. His hurt and confusion. His agony at being alone in the world. Even surrounded by his people in the desert, he lived in solitude, keeping his heart isolated.
I felt the sinkhole of regret that had formed in his chest the moment he learned about Liam. About Alastor and the true nature of my marriage. About whatIhad been forced to do to survive. About not meeting me at the solstice celebration.
And I sensed his relief at being with me once more after years of wondering. Of longing. He hadn’t forgotten about me, and he certainly hadn’t hated me. Hehad notbelieved me to be a monster.
I pulled out of Fin’s mind, tears streaming down my cheeks, and released his hand. My breath hitched when Fin reached out, threading his fingers through mine.
“When we got back to the village, I was just going to stop at my cabin to get cleaned up and pack fresh clothes,” he said, his voice rough. “I was planning on meeting you, but—” His throat bobbed, and he closed his eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Fin.” I stepped closer, reaching up to touch the side of his face. His stubble scratched against my palm as he leaned into my hand.
“So am I.” He turned his head, pressing his lips against the heel of my hand.
My heart skipped a beat, and warmth blossomed in my chest. I stepped closer and angled my face up toward his, a silent offering.
Fin slid a hand behind my neck, cradling the back of my head. His lips hovered in front of mine. “I wish,” he breathed. “I wish things had been different. I wish I had come.”
