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"She's okay for now," Walker says, studying me carefully. "You and I need to get on the same page. I need to know I can count on you when we walk back in there."
Yeah, right. Like anyone can count on me for anything.
A ragged sob escapes my chest and this time there's no holding it back. I have no idea why I'm losing my shit right now. This is why they need Issac or Vince. Neither of them would be crumbling under the pressure.
"Dexter," Walker barks.
"I'm going to fuck it all up. It's really better if I'm not in the baby's life at all. I've never even held a real baby before," I say before I can stop myself.
Walker frowns at me.
"Babies are like this whole entire new life you're one hundred percent responsible for. What if I drop it? I don't have a clue how to not fuck this up and it's the most important thing I've ever done…"
I'm crying in the fucking hallway. Having a complete nervous breakdown when I should be in there supporting Baby.
My head falls back. I try to shake away the thoughts of how I destroy everything I touch, but they're only getting worse the more I think about it.
"Babies are extremely resilient," Walker says, pulling me in for another hug. He's a huggy son of a bitch when he wants to be. "Accidents happen. I've got seven younger brothers and sisters. My mom once tossed my sister into the ceiling fan when she was six months old. She was tossing her up in the air, listening toher giggle and bam, baby black eye. I shit you not. My dads still make fun of her for it."
"What? Seriously?" I sputter out, studying his face.
"Yes," Walker says, chuckling. "My mom was afraid she caused brain damage. We pick on my sister about it to this day."
"Christ, she was okay, though?"
"Of course," Walker grins. "Otherwise, my parents would have kept that particular story in the vault."
"The vault?" I ask as he tenderly rubs my back.
"Yeah, the vault of epic parenting fuck-ups no one mentions." Walker laughs. "Once, I got this frantic call from my brother's wife. The baby rolled right off the changing table. She caught him with her knees and was hysterical. It was the first time he ever rolled over, and she was ranting and raving. She said he tried to death jump off the changing table." Walker grins; his smile is fucking killer. "Shit happens. Every parent knows that. If you want to be a good dad then you show up and do your best. That's all there is to it. Being clean, that's a big one, too, but you can do it."
Walker's mellow, citrusy scent fills the air around us.
"We're going to get her to a hospital, or we'll deliver the baby ourselves," Walker says. "You want to make this easier on her? Be solid. Be the man she thinks you are. You might not be there yet. So fucking what? You do your best."
I nod. My palms are sweaty, and my heart beats like it's trying to climb right out of my chest. I'm not even fucked-up. Fuck me. I've got to learn how to face shitty emotions again.
"Are you going to be my teammate when we walk back into that room?" he asks, studying me carefully. "I need to know you've got my back. I've done this before, but never with someone I love."
Walker blanches.
"Have you told her that?" I ask.
"No." He shakes his head, blowing out a breath. "But I do. I have for a while. I'm scared, too, but we've got each other. We'll do whatever we have to in order to get her through this delivery safely."
"I'm with you," I assure him.
"Good," he agrees. "Now, let's find supplies."
Chapter Forty-Two
Baby Love McKinley
"All right, we can do this. We're women. Women have been delivering babies since the dawn of time," Oakley says, patting my arm.
She blinks at me, biting her lower lip. Yeah, I don't think she believes that shit she just spewed… not at all. But I really appreciate her trying.
Another wave of rolling pain comes, and I swear it feels like Jude and Dex just left.
