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She nodded and then flipped through some papers. “I can get you in next week at the same time.”
“Dr. Harzel,” I said, trying to stay calm, “I’m not trying to be rude here, but I don’t have a lot of time to get better. My qualifier is for this coming season. How the hell am I supposed to be better by then if we aren’t taking more drastic measures?”
The doctor folded her hands and looked at me hard through the camera. “Haley, I appreciate your urgency, but by your own admission, you’re having trouble even getting on the ski lift. Are you ready to take on a slope?”
The thought of it alone chilled me to the bone. There was literally nothing I’d rather do less than ski right now.
“My recommendation is that we continue with the exposure therapy. Do you think Max will continue to help you?”
I nodded, wishing she’d said anything else. “There’s no hypnosis or anything that would help me without getting on the snow first?”
Harzel looked at her watch. “I could prescribe you some anxiety meds, but no, you will have to actually get on the course to get back into the swing of things.”
My stomach turned over, and I nodded, feeling like someone had told me that I would have to cut off my arm to get better. Hell, I might have preferred that.
“Just get geared up and push yourself down on your rear. Allow yourself to be aware of the way the snow feels on your body, the way the wind feels in your hair, etc. I have fullconfidence that you can do it. I will see you next week at the same time.”
I nodded, feeling less than confident about my progression. I wasn’t an idiot; I didn't think it would be easy. But after three weeks, I’d thought it would at least be a little better. At this rate, I might be ready to go to the Olympics in about fifty years.
I flopped backwards onto my bed and stared at the ceiling, bits of my blond hair falling in my face. I couldn't be bothered to move them, though. I was too damn depressed to do anything right now.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Great. That was my alarm telling me it was time to go to work. The last thing I wanted to do was see James or his kids, who loved to give me a hard time.
But it was the only way I had to pay for my therapy, so work I must.
I got up and pulled on a blue sweater with little snowflake details across the chest. Then I rifled around my dirty laundry and pulled out a pair of jeans that I’d only worn for a little while. I wasn’t willing to dirty more laundry for work.
I emerged from my room, pulling my hair into a high pony, and was almost immediately greeted by James.
“Good morning,” he said much more warmly than he had yet. “I hope your room is working out for you.”
I nodded. “Yeah, it’s great. I really appreciate all you did to make it look homey.”
James smiled, and I felt something odd in my stomach. For the first time, I realized that James was really hot for an old guy who was a dad.
“It was my pleasure,” he said. “I really appreciate all that you’re doing for my kids.”
“They’re good kids,” I said awkwardly.
“Here,” he said, reaching into his pocket. “This is your first paycheck. Let me know if that is sufficient to cover costs.”
“Thanks,” I said, unsure if I was supposed to open it here in front of him or not.
But James got up and went to the front door, grabbing his wallet and keys as he walked past the kitchen island. “Hope you guys have a good day,” he said.
“Thanks,” I replied. “I’m sure we will.”
As soon as he was gone, I got to work making the kids their food. It would be cereal for today since they needed to get to school. Then I packed their lunches and stacked them on the counter before going to Leann’s room to wake her up.
“Hey, kiddo,” I said, shaking her shoulder lightly. “Time to get up for school.”
Lee rolled over and whined. “I don’t feel good. I don’t think I should go.”
“Leann,” I said, trying not to smile. “That’s what you told me yesterday.”
Leann seemed to think for a moment, then nodded. “Oh yeah,” she said. “Never mind then. I’m up.”
