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“Well, I kind of have an issue… A big one,” I said.
“Oh?” she asked, raising her eyebrows just enough that she seemed interested without coming across as nosy. This was salacious at the least and scandalous at the worst, but she had a way of making it feel like it was safe to share.
“Well…” I took a breath. “I kind of started seeing someone after Max moved.”
“That’s good,” she said. “It’s always a good idea to not seclude yourself. Just make sure you’re ready for the kind of relationship you’re heading into.”
“Well,” I said, my heart hammering inside of me like a jackhammer. “About that…”
I struggled to find words to explain everything that had happened in the last few weeks, but they failed. Thankfully, Dr. Harzel was great at finding the right questions to get the right answers.
“Let’s start simple,” she said. “Who is it?”
“It’s, um… James.”
“Your employer, James?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, but we had this incredible chemistry that I’ve never felt with anyone—noteven Max, and things just kind of… happened. I really thought I was falling in love with him.”
“And you don’t think that anymore?” Her face was slightly concerned, but mostly neutral. I could never read her, which made it impossible to give her the “right” answer. She just wanted honesty.
“I don’t know,” I said. “You see… I’m pregnant.” I let the words hang in the air like smoke. It was the first time I’d said those words to anyone like that. Just a confession without prompting.
“I do see,” she said, making a note on a piece of paper in front of her. “And I assume this wasn’t planned.”
“No shit,” I said wearily, then put a hand over my mouth. “Sorry, Dr. Harzel.”
“No apologies needed. I’m here for you to express yourself, however that may be.”
I smiled softly at her, then my face fell again as I continued to lay out my issues. “Well,” I said, “It’s definitely James’s. And the sweet, romantic, caring man I thought I knew turned into a complete nightmare the second he found out.”
“That must be really hard,” she said. “How did you feel about that?”
“Horrible,” I said. “I quit my job and moved out, back to staying with Anna and Kevin. He apologized and I moved back in—into his room, actually. But…”
“But?” she asked.
“But I can’t decide what to do about this baby,” I admitted. “I have no idea if I should trust that James is really committed to this or if I should put the baby up for adoption. I’m just not sure what I want to do. Either way, my shot at the Olympics is fucked because there’s no way I can carry a baby for nine months and still be ready.”
“That must be really devastating,” she said.
“It really is.”
There was a long silence while I waited for Dr. Harzel to tell me the right thing to do, but I knew she wouldn’t. That wasn’t her style.
“Let me ask you a question,” she said. “If James hadn’t reacted badly, if he’d been supportive from the start, what would you want to do?”
The answer there was easy. “I’d want to raise this baby together,” I said.
“And do you think you can forgive him for whatever he did that upset you enough to leave your job and your new home?”
I took a deep breath and let it out shakily. “I already have,” I admitted. “I just haven’t told him.”
“Then I think you have your answer, Haley,” she said. “Now you just have one thing left to do.”
“What’s that?”
“Tell him.”
