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I want to soap myself down, so I stand straight again, lifting myself back out of the water. My skin is covered in goose bumps, and my nipples are hard and tight. I can hardly believe I’m standing in the middle of nowhere, in a river, completely naked. I suddenly feel wild and free, and more alive than I have in years, and I have to resist the urge to lift my head and whoop at the endless expanse of sky and trees. But I know doing that will only bring Reed, and possibly the other two, running, and I don’t want them to find me here like this.
The thought sends a little thrill through me. What would they do if I yelled and they all came down to the riverbank only to find me wading from the water, completely naked? Would theybe shocked? Darius wouldn’t be able to see me, of course, but I’m sure his brother would fill him in on the details. What would they do with me then? Would they rush with a towel to save my modesty, or would they enjoy the view?
I blow out a breath and try to clear my head. If Cade found me naked, I highly doubt he’d even consider my modesty.
I finish washing myself then turn back to shore. Reed is still in the same position, so I grab my towel and hurriedly dry myself, and then put on my fresh clothes. I gather my belongings and make my way back toward the trees where Reed is waiting.
“I feel so much better,” I say.
He barely glances at me. “Let’s get back to the cabin.”
He starts walking, and I hurry after him.
“Everything okay?”
“Fine. I just didn’t know you’d take so long.”
What the hell has got into him?
“I wasn’t that long. It’s not as though we have somewhere we need to be. Why are you mad at me?”
“I’m not. You’re the one who should be angry with me.”
My skin prickles with unease. “What do you mean?”
He raises his hands to gesture either side of him. “I’m the one who got you into this mess.”
I huff air out of my nostrils and stop walking. “If I’m mad with you about something, it won’t be that.”
Reed stops as well, and he faces me, eyes narrowed. “It won’t?”
“No. I was angry with you long before the plane went down.”
“Why?”
“You left us,” I say to him. “You left us both.”
He shakes his head. “No, I lefther. You have to try to understand the headspace I was in back then. My mind was fucked up. I barely even registered that she had a daughter. The times I was there, you were always asleep—”
“No,” I argue. “I wasn’t. I remember you being there.”
He eyes me, trying to tell if I’m lying. “You can’t. You were practically a baby.”
“I was three. I was young, yes, but I remember you. You left, knowing you were leaving a young child with the mess that my mother was.”
“I was as much of a mess. I couldn’t take care of myself, never mind you or your mother. I was wasted all the time—from the minute I woke up to the minute I passed out again.”
“But you straightened yourself out. You did that for the boys.”
He nods. “I had to. They lost their mother. They only had me left.”
“But you never thought to do the same for me?”
My eyes fill, and I blink the tears back angrily. I don’t know why I’m so upset—so hurt, so betrayed. I shouldn’t feel this way. I barely know this man. What difference does it make what choice he made fourteen years ago? It’s not like either of us can go back and change things.
I try not to think about the life I could have had, growing up with Cade and Darius as two older brothers, living a life of luxury. Then I remind myself that this money is a new thing. They didn’t grow up this way. They grew up in poverty, much like I did.
They had each other, though. That was the difference. They took care of each other.
