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“I wanted it, I want it,” I interrupt him. “But like I said, it’s hard to take shit at face value. I hear stuff. There’s other teachers at school who want her, she’s younger than I am. Caleb comes with me, and what woman her age wants a stepchild a few years younger than she is? I’m loaded with a shit ton of baggage.”
“We all are, Mason. Don’t act like you’re special.”
The chuckle that works its way past my throat is one I’ve needed to feel for a while. “Got it, I’m not a special snowflake.”
“We all got shit in our pasts, some worse than others, but fuck, dude. She’s into you. She loves your son, and I don’t think anyone can miss she loves you too. I know it’s hard for you to let things happen, I know it goes against every fiber of your being, but let this play out. Caleb leaves at the end of the school year. Then it’s just the two of you. It’s going to be important for you to have someone to share those lonely moments with, don’t blow it yet.”
“I’d rather not blow it period.”
“Then don’t.” Havoc grins over at me. “Just don’t. Tell her how you feel about her and move forward.”
“Because that worked so well with you?” I quirk my eyebrow at my friend.
“Leigh knows I love her,” he argues.
“She didn’t, not at first.”
“Exactly, I had to tell her, I had to show my feelings and let her know what was going on. Women aren’t mind readers, just like we aren’t. You’ve gotta let her in, Mason.”
“It’s hard,” I admit. “So hard to let anyone in. Even when I think I’m ready, and I tell myself I am, it’s hard. She’s coming over to the house now, she’s staying some nights. I just don’t know if I can let her realize how important she is to me.”
“You let me be your friend.”
He’s right, and he makes a good point. I let the MTF guys and their women into my life, and it has been amazing not only for me, but for Caleb too. I can only imagine what will happen if I let Rina in all the way. Something tells me it’ll be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, if I can just move past the fear.
Karina
“No, Caleb.” I laugh as he demolishes a potato with the knife he’s holding. “You have to cut it in quarters or strips, otherwise it won’t get done.”
“I don’t know if I’m completely cut out for this cooking thing,” he sighs. “I don’t know how Dad does it.”
He does it because he has to, and he does it because from what I can tell, he really only knows like five recipes well. “Mason’s a jack of all trades.”
Caleb makes a noise of affirmation in his throat. “Can I ask you a question, Kari?”
His voice is so serious, I’m not positive I want to know what the question is. “Are you gonna move in here when I’m gone?”
The knife I’m holding takes a sharp detour to the left. “I don’t know, Caleb, your dad and I haven’t really talked about it.”
“I mean, you stay here at least part of the week now. You have since I got sick.”
He’s right. Since the middle of February I’ve spent more time here than I have at my own house. The feeling has been mutual; anytime I’m invited over I pack a bag and typically don’t go home. With Mason not working a set shift, sometimes it’s the only way we can see one another throughout the week. “It’s something Mason and I will have to discuss, I just don’t know how to answer your question, Caleb.”
“I’m just sayin’.” He shrugs. “I’d be okay if you did. Hell, I’d be okay if you did tomorrow.”
“Thanks, Caleb. You’ll never know how much your approval means to me. But we’ll see what happens.”
“I’ve gotta go switch out the laundry, it’s my week.” He runs his hands under the faucet, cleaning off the residue from the food. “Be right back.”
I watch him as he leaves, before turning my attention back to the meal I’m cooking. I don’t hear Mason until he speaks.
“He’s right you know, you could move in here tomorrow, and I think we’d all be okay with it.”
My hand stops chopping the vegetables, but I don’t turn around, letting what he’s said to me sink in. “Are you sure?”
“It’s funny.” He walks over to one of the stools at the breakfast bar and has a seat. “I was just talking to Havoc today about what you mean to me. And I was explaining to him about I’m not sure how to put into words what those feelings are because you know we haven’t been together that long, but I know I feel strongly for you. It’s not easy for me to let people in, and it’s even harder for me to verbalize those feelings. Please understand what it means, me asking you to live here with me, with us.”
Not able to stay away from him any longer, I eat up the distance between us with sure-footed steps. When I reach him, I circle my arms around his neck. “I know exactly what you mean, big guy, and I feel the same way. I’d like to live here with the two of you.” I can’t believe I’m taking this step. “I don’t sleep as well without you anymore.”
