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I stiffen my lip and tell him now the same thing I told him then. “They ain’t any better than you are, Caleb. Nobody works as hard as you do, and nobody knows what sacrifice is more than you. Work hard, be a good person, and remember your manners. That’s all you concentrate on. You need me? I’m a phone call away. I can be there in a few hours. Do not,” I grasp his hair in my hands as I say these words, emphasizing again. “Do. Not. Hesitate. To. Call. Me.”
He swallows, I can feel the motion against my shoulder, can feel the wetness staining my t-shirt where his face is buried. “I won’t.” His voice is muffled.
“You get in trouble, you call me. You need money? You use that credit card in your wallet; I’ll take care of it. You miss us? You come home. It’s easy as that, Son. There’s nothing there that you don’t have here, a few hours away.”
“I’m gonna make you proud, do the shit I shoulda done instead of embarrassing you last year.”
I pull him away from me, wiping away the tears streaming down his face. We haven’t been separated since my deployments, and given our history with those, I know why he’s scared and I know why I’m taking this so hard. “You’ve never embarrassed me, never. If anything, I probably embarrassed you with those ugly-ass cupcakes I took to your classes when it was your birthday. God, they were so bad.” I laugh through my tears.
“You still remember that?” He laughs too, using his arm to wipe his nose, scrubs his hands down his face. “They were really bad, Dad, but then I remember you weren’t much older than me, and I can barely cook Ramen Noodles.” He laughs. “The thing that’s always mattered is you were there. Nobody else was, but you stayed. You didn’t abandon me when it would’ve been easier. And you dealt with all those looks, every time we did something and no one believed you were my dad. When I had that appendicitis at ten and the doctor waved you off, saying you were being paranoid. When I got my heart broken for the first time and you told me it was okay to be upset. When you listened to an ungrateful little shit few months ago, who didn’t know what the fuck was going on in his head. You didn’t let me stray, you stuck by me. I love you, Dad.”
For a few minutes, I stare at him. Remembering this moment in time before everything changes and give myself a pat on the back for getting him here. There was a village. From my mom, who helped us whenever she could, to coaches, to Violet and the guys from the MTF, and especially Karina.
“It’s your time now, make me proud.” I cup his neck, forcing him to stare at me. “Have fun, but not too much. Study hard, but not all the time, and enjoy yourself.”
“You too, Dad.” His eyes flit to Karina. “Let me know when the wedding is.” He gives us a smartass grin.
“Get outta here.” I hug him one more time, before he bends down, hugging Karina again.
“I’ll text you when I get there, let you know what house I’m in and stuff,” he promises as he walks to his truck, loaded down with all he’ll need.
“Please do.” Karina worries at my side; I can feel her wringing her hands as I sling my arm around her shoulder, letting her bury her face into me. Before she inhales deeply and then forces herself to watch him go.
As we stand and watch his truck drive away, neither one of us move. We stand there for probably fifteen minutes after we can no longer see it. “He’s gone,” she whispers.
“C’mon, let’s go inside, figure out what we’re going to do.” I hitch my head toward the house.
“Ice cream,” she mumbles. “I need to drown my sorrows in lots of ice cream.”
“And beer,” I add. “Beer, ice cream, and Netflix. Today we wallow. Tomorrow we go do something fun,” I promise as I kiss her head.
“You know it’s okay to wallow for a few days, right?” Her fingers fist in my shirt. “I can’t even imagine how that felt for you.”
I’m still trying to process it, but I know it’ll be good for him, I know he’s going where he needs to. Those thoughts though, they don’t ease this ache in my chest.
“One day at a time, Rina. That’s all I can promise.”
She grabs my hand entwining our fingers.
“We’ll do it together, big guy. Always together.”
Always together. During the hard times, I’ll hold onto the words, and the memory of the pride I felt when I watched my son take his first step into adulthood and independence.
CHAPTER 23
MENACE
June
Karina is meeting up with some of her fellow teachers today at the high school. She mentioned something about helping to purge and clean some of the older rooms. They’ve been doing it for a while, a couple of the times some of the guys from the police department have been asked to go out and help move stuff, but I’ve never been one of them.
She looks cute as she’s ready for her day, with her hair pulled back in braids, a hat over her head, a pair of old shorts, and one of my old t-shirts. I reach up, tugging on one of the braids. “Have fun today.”
She gives me a look, one that sayskiss my ass, before she grabs me around the waist.
“I’ll see you later.” She kisses me, squeezing the flesh of my stomach, before we part ways for the day. “Tell Caleb I miss him. I hope you two have a great day together.”
“Ouch woman, that fuckin’ hurt.” I rub my side where she’d grabbed my fat.
